I have been contemplating your standing for some time. The commonly held opinion of you puzzles me somewhat. Why are you always in such terrible films? Remember the good old days Sam? The Royale Cheese days? You've only gone and ruined them by dying your hair silly and 'starring' in Jumper, haven't you? Someone said to me that Snakes On A Plane must be good cos you were in it Sambo, you know what I said? You're wrong, it'll suck and, much as I love the guy, Sam won't help.
Also, this public perception that you are the coolest man alive, where's that come from. True, you're quite fly and you are a carrier of rare bonhomie, but what else? You play golf. News Sam, golf's shit. It's really hard, totally pointless and quite often it rains. You were in that crap Virgin advert too. Now, I know Richard Branson has a nice beard and an island with a fancy name but if you're looking for people to up kudos then your old mate Travolta (in the pre Battlefield Earth era obvs) was a much better bet! And the hats, Sam! The hats! Wearing flat caps backwards is very 1997. And I've got a newsflash here for you like when Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated, those Kangols are made in the armpit of Cumbria. That's a story to tell all your blinging ho's!
Hope you take this the right way lad, you seem alright, do yourself a favour and stop being in shit films. And if you must wear hats, I find straw boaters always work well.