Hooray! It's Monday!

It’s good to be single...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a
coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Paul Coelho

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some
paragraphs with me.
Alan Cursow

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We
take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A
little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut the fuck up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I
wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the
enemy.
Karl soukh

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Patrick gray

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."