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Laughed my tiny little socks off. Stand up straight dear boy, hand on heart, now repeat after me: 'I PLEDGE AN ALLEGIANCE TO SOMEONE I REALLY DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT'
to make up some amazing rhymes if they have to do this.
e.g. I pledge allegiance to the queen, her husband can be really mean.
I pledge allegiance to the crown, when I kneel before her I'll pull her pants down