Some football happened at the weekend. Arsenal, having wrecked their title hopes in injury time last weekend, resuscitated their glorious march to the title in injury time this week. Some other teams won, or perhaps drew. Jussi JaskeLOLnen.
So I'm supposed to copy out the rumours page from BBC Sport now, aren't I? Right, Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko has told "friends" that he wants to return to former club AC Milan, Peter Crouch and Sami Hyypia could both leave Liverpool in the summer, Ipswich and Stoke are battling to sign striker David Nugent on loan, Leeds are loaning in Dougie Freedman, Keggy Keegle cannot guarantee Newcastle's survival and John Hartson won't become East Stirling manager.
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger says the fact that strikers Nicklas Bendtner and Emmanuel Adebayor do not get on does not worry him at all. That's not much of a light-hearted And Finally piece. I pay my licence fee for inconsequential tittle-tattle about a top foreign player claiming to have grown a fondness for Cornish pasties, or bingo, or Morris dancing, or happy slapping, or some other avatar of British life as a sop so the prostitute roasting story is spiked from the Sunday red tops for another week. Sort it out, Caroline Cheese.