I was reading Quotes of the Week on BBC Sports website yesterday, as you do, and I've noticed there's a guy called Ray Hudson for GolTV who is in it nearly every week...
A quick google later and I found out he's actually an English ex-footballer who now commentates on lots of European football for American cable tv.
Anyway, that's all beside the point- the important bit is he's possibly the best commentator I've ever heard/read quotes from, get a load of these!
Barcelona vs Real Murcia, January 12th
"Well, they've cracked the defensive code there and safe-cracker Eidur comes out with the lovely stethoscopes and the twinkling little fingers and he undoes them. He's a cat-burglar on this goal, Phil. He steals in with stealth..."
[Ray Hudson, 26:40 1st]
"Thierry's off to the races and that is time-warp pace. He actually folds space, Einstein-like, Thierry. And he doesn't miss these ones. And he says 'I'll buy you my dance tonight, my son.'"
[Ray Hudson, 77:17 2nd]
Real Madrid vs Real Valladolid, February 10th
"Simply magnificent goal by Real Madrid. This goes way deep. Don't look at the end or the finish. Look at it deeper, deeper. A beautiful lead-ball over the top. Beautiful feed by Guti. [They're in long ?]. Beautiful pass here. He drags it into the box, and he dispatches brilliantly. Robben it is that finds him, he's onside, he rattles the back of the net. Beautiful providing. You can watch this one all day if you're a Real Madrid fan. He looked like Sophia Loren walking up a flight of stairs - absolutely beautiful."
[Ray Hudson, 8:16 1st]
(there's a sound clip of this on the website linked below, listen to it, it's fucking hilarious)
"The rhythm is there, here today, man. More rhythm in these white shirts now than a half a dozen Jamaican kettle-drums."
Ray Hudson, 43:15 1st
"Brilliant run. Timing to perfection. Swivels his hips like Marilyn Monroe as he puts it in..."
Ray Hudson, 44:11 1st
Sevilla vs Real Zaragoza, February 23rd
"Are you kidding me? This is celestial football by the whites. Look at the coach! The Mister is having a physical arousal on that sideline. This is absolutely brilliant football again by the whites. Get up out of your Barcelonas - Barcaloungers and applaud like these people. This is stripping football again. One, two, three. Look at the movement, look at the pinpoint passing. This is domino football, brilliantly fed in by beautiful, fabulous Fabiano. Stabs it, the clinical finish is brilliant in itself, but look at this red-carpet passing, Phil. Magical! Magic!"
Ray Hudson, 24:09 1st
"Maresca makes an awful big drama out of it. Probably stabs his potatoes at his dinner-time as well..."
Ray Hudson, 35:33 1st
"He does it the strange, weirding way. And poor César says 'something wicked this way comes' in the shape of Frédéric Kanouté. And even the ref is having a laugh. Beautiful slipped-in ball by Fabiano, look at this for dexterity from the big man. He goes down, it may be given as an own goal against Diogo. Let's take a look, Frédéric drags it in, there's a challenge, it comes off somebody. I'm not sure if it comes off Frédéric but he doesn't care because the weirding way comes alive."
Ray Hudson, 42:58 1st
Ok, ok, a long post, but trust me, these are solid gold, and they aren't even the best of the bunch, for more, head over to: