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gig, football or anywhere?
TELL US SOME JOKES!
Brilliant. Every time.
...Kate Nash did a 'fans only' gig for XFM last year and in her encore played a love song with a big pause near the end. During said pause some guy shouted 'get your muff out!'. Apparently her Cribs boyfriend punched him for it.
but it has to be:
"James, why did you eat Richey, ya fat shite?!"
that was all a stunt. The guy who shouted it works at her record label, they knew Ryan would react like that.
Although I wish it was my job to piss him off.
so he gets bad press? huhhh
and bono did the 'everytime I click my fingers someone dies in the third world plug' mid set
some individual shouter 'stop clicking then'
Everyone's done the "stop clicking them" joke.
i don't even believe it happened anymore.
someone yelled: "you're rubbish mate and so's your suit."
Carr: "ok...*reaches inside suit* ooh, still got your money though!"
with Schizophrenia and the crowd chanted
"there's only 2 Andy Gorams!"
after he'd put on a bit of weight?
No, I heard it was schizophrenia too. This satisfies our double-sourcing requirement.
This also leads me nicely to a player whose name I can't recall right now who recently took possession of a new caravan. Heckle: "The wheels on your house go round and round, round and roud, round and round..."
He was/is a gypsy and lived in a caravan, think he was living in the middle of a field and the council told him to move on. Was in the media for a while.
was getting it tight from the crowd when he played for Motherwell for being a fat bastard. A paperbag from a catering stall blows across the pitch in front of him. He bends down, picks it up, takes a look inside and feins disappointment at the empty contents before scrunching the bag up and throwing it away.
It was crackingly funny.
Sung to the tune of De, De, De, Der, Der
Your team is shit
Your birds are fit
Your team is shit
but, your birds are fit
WHAT DO YOU WANT!
what got him so enraged?
Summer Of 69
Surely 99% of people realise that just isn't very funny.
and do a completely straight cover of said song, then yeah it was pretty funny...prick
(to which thom replied somthing like "shut up, you c*nt!")
at Glastonbury. 1993 I think....
Some fat old hippy bird on stage, singing
"We're all children of the yoooooniverse"
When some cynical bugger in the crowd shouts "BOLLOCKS!"
Despite now having the entire audience laughing at her and with the aforementioned cynical bugger, she tries gamely to carry on singing about stars and flowers. At the end of every line, the cry of "Bollocks!" grows larger.
Eventually, about half the audience is joining in with the "Bollocks!" and the poor old bird has to give in.
"Ok, let's do this properly" she says and starts the song again, this time pausing after each line and pointing out into the crowd to give us our cue...
He’s fast, he’s quick, his name’s a porno flick, He’s Emmanuel!
to future adventures, "you look like spy versus spy"
swiftly followed (by the same person)to at the drive-in "you look like the jackson five"
Spock's funeral is taking place at the films end and Capt Kirk (in deep mourning of deceased Vulcan friend) says something like "Of all the people i have known.." and before he could say the next bit my friend shouted out " His Ears were the most pointed!" There wasnt a dry eye in the house.
Reading '94. The guy in the tent next to mine, randomly and brilliantly heckling other campers. Other classics included, "If you're going to chat her up, at least have the gall to have a penis" and "Go home! And have! A wank!"
in newcastle a few years ago...
"play sweet child o mine"
-stuart smiled and then knocked out the riff to the delight of everyone.
at hundred reasons at leeds fest a few years ago...
"play one armed scissor!"
Kirk Douglas's (spartacus) son Peter Douglas had a go at being a stand up comedian years ago to no success.
He did a tour a everynight the crowd grew tired a started to heckle.
one night he lost the plot and started to comfront the crowd.
On one occasion he lost it and started shouting
"dont you know who i am, I'm Kirk Douglas's son"
to then a member of the audience shouted
"No I'm Kirk Douglas's son"
ha, ha, ha
especially if they're saying it to a man!
cause that's impossible loL!
Kaiser Chiefs, early days, supporting Ordinary Boys: "Blur have lawyers by the way!" (or words to that effect...)
Smoosh, Cargo: "Does your mum know your out?"
Low, Manchester Hop & Grape: "for fucks sake, cheer up!"
"You people dance less than the Swiss"
Is art drawing or colouring in?
In between songs someone shouted "Timmy" (as in south park), everyone laughed whilst PJ looked on bemused.
PJ Harvey was looking HOTT that day, somebody else yelled out 'How much?!' when she walked on stage.
FearAndRegret69 (6 hours ago) Show Hide Marked as spam
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Fuck you man. Just cause somone is a decent band why does it make them emo? They actully make real music, not fucked up shit that makes people take there clothes off and become un-decent people. If I have to be "emo" to keep my dignaty then I'm fine with that. Just keep your damn insults to yourself bitch. Grow some fucking balls.
Play that one from the vodafone advert so we can all go home!
After the upteenth bottle had been thrown in the general direction of the band, Dave Lee Roth stops the current tune they're playing dead and says to one of the culprits: "you throw one more piece of shit up here and I'm gonna come down there and f**k your girlfriend" Song then resumes from where it left off. Nice.
heckled a clown for looking like a rubbish Jimi Hendrix tribute act.
at the Daydream Nation dont look back gig last year, someone shouted "play Silver Rocket!" straight after they finished playing Teenage Riot.
Predictable. But made me giggle none the less.
I like that.
dropped a good one last sunday.
the singer said "turn your bass down until it's inaudible" or something similar, and he just came out with
"don't belittle me in front of my fans"
and my smashed up knees and ankles can tell you so too.
6 or 7 girls to go down the front of this gig and shout - "Rapist" repeatedly at the singer!!
Band deserved it they were shite and arrogant.
"Your momma works in Nandos."
Shouted at the big screen in Wetherspoons by my very civilised 8-year-old nephew as Ronaldo scored against England in the World Cup.
Was at a football match a few years ago and one of the players got hit in the knackers by the ball...
...he fell down, clutching his privates and some toothless oldtimer shouted 'Get Kaffy Beale on!!!' (this was after the tabloid story broke about Gillian Tayleforth giving her fella a beejay while parked on the hard shoulder, or summat).
The heckles used to be quite good...
one guy used to shout 'When are you gonna give my sister her handbag back?'
Chelsea fans the other week directed at Neville and picked up quite clearley by the microphones on live TV.
"you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you've always been a cunt,
neville is a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you've always been a cunt.
Stan Ridgeway was the support act. He's famous as a one hit wonder for the song Camoflage. After he played it someone shouted "Play Camoflage again!", and they kept shouting it after every song until the end of his set.
at the end ot the second or third song at Somerset House my friends shouts 'ONE MORE!'
instead of killing himself Kurt Cobain should've just kept playing Smells Like Teen Spirit
1 minute in.
tell the story where i was really funny
That one? Ok...
So Cat_race was stood with me and that lovelyfacedboobgirl, or whatever he calls her, and it was at deadonthestairs birthday gig, so I told him to shout 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKHEAD'. He did, and it was funny. I can only assume that that is the story that you were referring to. I remember something else at Anson Corner, but that wasn't funny, it was awful, so you can't be meaning that.
The only heckle I heard about was my mate at a comedy gig and the stand up was rubbish so his friend shouted "carry on mate, you're getting funnier". lole
He was doing a joke I'd heard him do a couple of times before. Something about an Aunty Butter who has been ill for ages, or whatever.
And I kinda heckled him with his own punchline ("I can't believe she's not better") before he got round to spring it out.
Still feel bad about it.
Two guys behind, after a few decisions had gone against us:
Guy 1: I heard the ref is in their team photo.
Guy 2: Sat next to the captain.
. . .
Guy 1: Holding his hand.
either this season (or last, I can't really remember), a guy a couple of rows behind:
'Haw Mulgrew, you've had your arms round him more than your own son ya wee delinquient prick'.
You probably need to know the context of Charlie Mugrew's car/bra tycoon based indiscretion, but it made me laugh.
'I'm Rangers til July' for the full game last Saturday.
Particularly that season you finished second. Maybe 95/96.
'It's not fair, you have all the money'
Well the tables have certainly turned now.
Was standing down the front, they were shit, I turned to my mate at the end of a song and said "This is pretty boring, let's go".
The singer overheard me and completely lost her shit. The drummer was counting in the next song, she stopped him, got everybody's attention and spent what seemed like the next five hours haranguing me Bill Hicks-style from the front of the stage while everybody hooted & laughed. "Fucking dickhead, why don't you go home and watch TV, huh? I think Star Wars is on tonight" is one of the choice bits I remember. It was pretty early on in my band-seeing days and a very traumatic experience.
*Postscript: that singer is now a writer of self-help books and a couple of years ago I met her at a party. I told her the above story and she had the grace to be completely mortified.
Wayne Murrary, former Catch and Thirteen:13 guitarist, now plays with them as a "faux Richey." Upon realizing that he used to be in Catch, I took to shouting "EVERYTHING MUST BINGO!" but I don't think the band could hear me, nor did anyone get it. Yes I went there, bingo.
During 'Jamie Marie', someone broke a silent moment with a scream of "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!" - cue laughter/confusion from audience and band alike.
First song ends, some guy shouts "ya look like andy fordham ya twat". Made funnier as the singer was a hot girl
Comedian, dying onstage: Well, I'll go now and slit my wrists...
Heckler: Do you neck, just to make sure...!
A mime artist was supporting The Loves a while back and the compere was suggesting different emotions the artist should 'act out', I heckled "DO FAILURE!". Much oooooooooh-ing ensued, and it was opined I'd been a bit harsh.