"When Jemima Mimsyworth's husband was killed by a machete wielding hippo two weeks after her teenage daughter was chuffed to bits by a steam train whilst helping build wells in Kenya - she thought she couldn't go on.
"After a childhood spent as a sex-trafficked toddler on paedophile island, a failed attempt to graduate in potato studies from the University of Bognor Regis, and her ill-fated channel swim which left her paralysed from the waist up; Jemima looked out across the bleak tableau of her existence and gave up, searching desperately for meaning in the kooky world of heroin addiction.
"Numbed by drugs and seeing no way out she sold her breasts to a nunnery to buy cigarettes. As she lay smoking them in the gutter the angel gabriel appeared to her in a vision and called her a cunt.
"Thirty years on Jemima has pieced her life back together using Feng Shui and Euphoric House. Read her illuminating, inspiring, story of triumph against adversity.
"'Buck ov dur Munf' in Richard and Judy's Slow Reader Club."
Seriously. Do people need an entire section of a bookshop for this drivel? Who reads it? Why?