So, here it is........................
52% of the people on this fair island of ours are women, so technically there are approximately 31,200,000 of them in the UK.
I'm 28 so I should deduct those that fall outside the 18-35 age brackets, at this point we're left with around 4,000,000 potential candidates.
However, approximately 10% of these women will be lesbians on whom my charms will be wasted, the total now stands at 3,600,000.
The target demographic drops still further once we remove the women who are already married, engaged or involved in a steady relationship, let's say 60%, so at this stage only 1,440,000 remain.
Now for reasons that are entirely lost on me some of these chicks won't fancy me (lesbians in denial, presumably), lets say one third (Alright, I’m being generous!) of the remainder will actually find me aesthetically appealing so the target demographic now stands at 480,000.
A further problem arises when we consider the fact that a proportion of the remainder will be unable to date me for cultural reasons, so let's exclude Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Orthodox Christian or Catholic girls from families who forbid dating from outside the faith (Note to the hard of thinking and/or Guardian types: That isn’t ruling people out on the basis of their faith, just excluding those who wouldn’t be able to date me regardless of whether they wanted to or not)........this could well be 5 percent of the current tally, reducing it still further to just 456,000.
Now, I've tried the long distance thing before and it doesn't work so I should also exclude anyone from outside Dorset, Hampshire and Wiltshire. These three counties combined account for around 5% of the total UK population and so the remaining target demographic must be divide by 20 leaving us with a paltry 22,800.
Now it's safe to say that I'm not going to fancy all 22,800.....perhaps a quarter of them will be up my street so the tally now stands at 5,700.
Obviously attraction is not enough, we must have some kind of connection too............this is hard to estimate, but, I'd say that if I was into a quarter of the remainder that would be pretty accurate based on my experiences of dating. So the figure is currently 1,425.
Obviously the divorce rate is approaching 45% these days so the number that would see the relationship through in the long-term would be just 783.75 (let's call that 784).
So, somewhere scattered around this tri-county area there are 784 girls who represent the only women in the entire country that I have any hope of lasting happiness with!