NB:- I'm not anymore, I'm actually an office worker. But if I still worked in a call centre, I'd be too depressed to start a comical thread about it. So...

I'M A CALL CENTRE WORKER!

Most of my social life has been taken away from me due to dreadful shift patterns!

Even if I did have a social life, I wouldn't be able to partake in conversation because talking's all I do all day!

Well, I say talking, what I mean is feebly try to defend the bent company I'm working for when people phone up to yell justified abuse at me!

I spend my meagre wages on booze and/or drugs that I can't afford but need to ingest regularly just to get me through life!

Whenever I go to the toilet, I have to key in a code on my phone set!

Whenever I come back from the toilet, some jumped-up cunt berates me for taking seven minutes and asks me what I was doing!

Whenever I tell said jumped-up cunt what I was doing, right down to the bowel movements, they look at me as if I'm mad!

Well, you did ask, said-jumped-up cunt!

Everybody I work with is an artist, musician, moron, student or often just a combination of all of them!

The only perk of the job is having a machine which sells overpriced chocolate bars!

Within a few days/weeks, I will not be doing this job either because a) I will wake up one day, possibly hungover, and think 'fuck that for a game of soldiers' and not go in, probably without ringing them, b) Get fired for giving some arsehole of a customer some much-needed lip, or c) Get a job as an office worker!

I'M SO GLAD I'M NO LONGER A CALL CENTRE WORKER!