On Saturday I went out for a drink and one of my friends invited along a guy I went to uni with and hadn't seen since. He always had what you might term 'presidential' hair - greasy curls, with short back and sides and a bit of a flat top to the whole thing - that rightfully belonged on the head of a swarthy man in his late-fifties.

But now - while maintaining the base of this overly sensible haircut - he has in the intervening years added a stringy, thinly plaited rat's tail that starts just under his left ear, hangs over his shoulder and stops about rib level. It was the most alarming haircut I've ever seen in real life and I spent the evening eyeing it suspiciously over my pint glass.

But the point is he spent a large part of the night bemoaning being single - for a period of time that would co-incide quite neatly with the time I would estimate would be needed to grow out his the thing hanging of his scalp. It seemed so obvious as to almost be a joke.

Given I really don't know him, I'm wondering if I should have sat him down and told him what his friends should have years ago - you look like what John Kerry would look like if he was a Jedi, and that ratty thing swishing around by your nipple is the reason you're in danger of dying alone. Clearly it would initially sound rather rude, but in the long run I would think it was sound advice, right?