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Closer: A Film Review!
Flat, ugly and boring with 2-dimensional, unconvincing, hateful characters are some of the nicer things i can find to say about this 'masterpiece'. Hmm, what else? oh, the acting was shit and Natalie Portman was dismally miscast and Clive Owen & Julia Roberts lived in an apartment that only middle class people in out of touch movies like this live in.
Good points? - it had a few moments of brilliant, unintentional comedy, like Ms Portman's slow-mo slap round the chops from Jude Bore and mr Owen shouting "Now fuck off you slag!" to ms Roberts. My girlfriend REALLY hated it. 0/10.