as the new editor of the NME.

Conor McTwatFace to be given huge pay-off and is expected to become Director Of Shite on a local radio youth show.

Mourinho's plans include an academy for young music journalists headed by Morley and Penman. Ben Watson will be a consultant.

Mourinho's agent said "Jose feels passionate about British music and always has done. He was a big admirer of John Peel."

The NME said "Fuckin' A, innit."

The only British candidate for the job, Colin Roberts, is expected to be the new manager of Middlesbrough.