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I do this as well. Oh man, now I have to convert it as well?!? That's gonna take HOURS!

I find it pretty unbearable a lot of the time but until all these student debts are gone I can't afford to go back to waitressing!

i will be able to spend a lot of time on myspace, DiS, Facebook, gmail chat, other forums, youtube, ebay........

I've sent out 6 documents in the last hour - I've no idea what any of them were about.
My podmate frequently tells me news items; I just smile and nod.
I eat twice my bodyweight in toast just to get 5 minutes off to toast it.
I secretly hate the smokers who get extra breaks.
I'm the only one in the office with full internet access, thanks to a Techs mistake.
I'm constantly worried that the grumpy Italian man who work sbehind me will reprot me for spending all my time readling blogs/forums/reviews etc.
I AM AN OFFICE WORKER.
(Best.thread.Ever.)

so that I can spend more money on food for my lunch.

I'm trying to organise a charity event! Everyone hates me already and it's not even happening until June! I'm gonna ahve to make me some posters (using Comic Sans type, of course) to try and convince them it's a good idea!

fuck!

and my boss said I'm looking "curious" this morning. Yeah, thanks.

And here seems like as good-a place as any to reveal some office gossip that I can't actually tell anyone in the office.

Browsing though my ex-boss as of last week's in-tray (with genuine reason, I might add) and found a letter of resignation from my ex-as-of-last-week colleague. She's pregnant and has found a better job without the commute. They still haven't filled my old role and now my ex-department, which consisted of five people when I joined in September, is made up of 1 single person.

But I can't tell anyone for two weeks.

I might explode.

I am a bored office worker!

- Excel and Word are great.
- Coffee is lovely.
- Ties are fun.
- My Hair is "chic"
- No one likes my music.
- My email inbox is nearly almost always empty, but I check it anyway.
- There is a really hot girl in the office and all the men perv on her. I told her last week and she said "I know" and winked. Every time we walk past each we burst out laughing.

.. therefore I'm no longer allowed to have interesting friends or go to house parties or discuss anything interesting.

and I just walked for 2 minutes in the puring rain to pick up a platter of posh sandwiches for a meeting with a celebrity chef who won't eat them anyway and I won't get the leftovers because office policy is that edible leftovers go to the runts in the postroom.

I am an office worker and I am damp, hungry and embittered.

:'(

Thank god I've got tomorrow off.

but I might be a part time office worker in the near future :S but this office will have dogs in it, but I'm warry they say in the advert and I quote 'It helps you're slightly crackers (we are!)' A little bit of me hopes I don't even get an interveiw after that line.

I'm on deadline, i really need to get something finished, but my boss is in a talkative mood. arrrrgh!

go Team Bastards!

I like to webskive on the DIS social board but always end up with the life being drained out of me by the sight of another politically-orientated thread title attributed to one Cliche Guevara, resulting in me clicking the magic 'x' and searching for work to do. Before coming back on two seconds later and reading what he had to say anyway.

I hope I never become an office worker. :(

I've got a semi from my girlfriend booty-texting me all morning, so I'm having to slouch to hide it.

I might untuck my shirt later so I can go for lunch, but it's fucking freezing, so I don't know what to do.

i lost my job soon after, and now i have read the rest of it since then i may well get the ole sack again. The only difference with this job and the last is that there is no cute Polish girl here to hang out with.

Rubbish.

who insists on giving me a commentary on everything he's doing and asking loads of inappropriate questions. I keep giving blunt, one word answers, but he is not taking the hint. I've got so much work to do and can't concerntrate. SHUT UP!

I've been an office worker for 4 days.

Kill me already.

I KILL WHAT I EAT.

I've already been out to get milk twice this morning.

About half an hour ago I picked up the phone and said "what?" in an annoyed tone thinking it was an internal call, when actually it was one of our clients.

I spent 40 minutes on Monday morning tidying my desk and stealing trays from people. I now have a tray stack six storeys high, one of which is used solely for storing Post-It notes.

I'm seriously considering getting one of those mini basketball hoop sets and sticking it above the bin on the other side of my office.

I've set up Firefox so that when it opens it automatically brings up DiS, Facebook, The Guardian and my Gmail account.

I've watched a London Eye capsule do an entire rotation when I was bored.

Today I might try formatting a pivot table using formatting option 2 instead of 6 (which has a nice bluey tone to it instead of the austere black and white I used to use).

I'm supposed to test dull financial software but I listen to my Ipod so much that I've convinced myself that I'm getting paid to listen to music.

I've been here nearly three years and collegues take great pleasure in reminding me of my impending "three-year anniversary". This makes me die a little inside.

If I sit too far forward on my office chair I get a bad back. If I sit too far back I get a sore bottom.

Our internet usage is monitored, but I still spend 3 hours plus online. Maybe more. But none of that time is spent looking for new jobs, ridiculously.

I take more smoking breaks than anyone, and have arrived five minutes late/left five minutes early for so long now that I think people have accepted it.

An ambulance screamed past me on the way in to work, and my first thought was 'lucky bastard'.

It's quite confusing..

what actually happened to the weekend? I want a refund. :'''''(

I have my three month "reivew" at 10:30 - I can't believe I've only been here for 3 months. It feels like 30 years.

we've recently stopped taking coffee breaks in the afternoon so i want to wait as long as possible before going for my lunch break, but i'm really hungry and really tired :(

Well I'm agency staff in a call centre so I'm making the distinction that I work in an office but am not an office worker. What this generally amounts to is the same soul crushing boredom but with the added 'excitement' that I could be fired any minute for any ridiculous reason. Pushing the limits of slacking off is a fine art.

i'll be 1/4 of the way through my office job! roll on the end of August!

I woke up and thought it was Sunday :[

but still as a temp, and i actually have less work to do now.

I quit smoking. I now chew a large amount of gun. The temptation to flick it at fellow office workers is large.

for Electric Picnic a couple of years ago because I had to cover a meeting. I called in sick from the portaloo.

I need to speak to someone about this

I am currently plotting what stick men cartoons to make with my miniature post-it notes

because the pretty girl from Creative Services is in my office and she looks lovely.

This is the most productive thing I've done all year.

is that I have cake.

:'(

i'm typing what i could easily and more efficiently copy and paste, JUST TO PASS THE TIME.

so 'they've' finally decided to turn the aircon ON. It's now freezing in the office. If I complain 'they' will whack the heating up too high. Rain has also started dripping through the light fixture above my desk and on to my keyboard. I have had to phone facilities for a bucket.

I AM AN OFFICE WORKER.

bla bla bla

I am now expected to do two people's jobs as my collegue has left and they haven't been bothered to replace him. I will moan about this loudly, but it's not really an issue as I manage to do my job in a few hrs and spend the rest of my time on the internet.

My pc makes an incredibly loud humming noise whilst I'm attempting to watch live Olympics coverage, so I have to cover this up by pretending I'm working on massive spreadsheets and tutting a lot.

At my work a Jehova's Witness is arguing with a Star Wars nerd, who genuinely classes himself 'Jedi' about religion, do you?

I'm such an outsider at work. Today, they decided that converse with a suit is an "undeniably brilliant look" because its "quirky".

I want my weekend back.

YOU MAY THINK THAT I AM DRINKING BOTTLED WATER BUT REALLY IT'S VODKA

I've spent all morning making a list in Excel of every film I've ever seen, instead of working.

I'm getting fat because all I do is sit!
My phone manner is actually quite good, until colleagues hear me on my mobile!
I avoid making calls until I absolutely have to!
I type quietly to spite everyone who can't touch-type and pound the keyboards unnecessarily loudly!

But I need to be again.

:'(

I peak through the Design office window at the water cooler to check that it's not empty before trying to fill up my water bottle so I don't have to change container.

My boss has noticed that all my sick days coincide with a major sporting event

I've just read this entire thread from start to finish!
I permanently have H:\WINDOWS\mini-pool2.swf open!
I once designed a Line Rider track that lasted nearly 10 minutes!
I walk the long way around to get to anywhere in the building just to kill more time!

Take THAT the system.

when I get signed off they call me up and in the most sensitive way ask if I want a laptop to work from home. They know legally the can't do it so ask incredibly passively knowing that I will not be able to refuse. That afternoon it is dropped round.

I am a home-office worker.

I have just got a new laptop and it will take all day to get it working properly.

I used resource hacker to change my Firefox icon to an excel icon, then have a new tab open with 'Microsoft Excel' googled. Occasionally if my boss is looking at my screen, I bring up Firefox instead of Excel.

The colleague that I dislike is up to 4 sugars in his daily brew now, I wonder what the limit is before I can stop. It's becoming hard to dissolve it all.

I can't remember the last time I came within 5 hours of doing the actual hours on my timesheet.

The fat bitch who normally does all the menial stuff is off sick so I'm having to do loads of printing.
I am wearing jeans though.

i'm drinking a caffeine-heavy beverage even though all i do is sit on my ass all day, because staring at letters and numbers on a glowing rectangle all day makes my brain switch off!

Oh, there isn't a breath in this place. Turn on all the fans and the air conditioning at full power, ensign.

I drew a bullet on my notepad and it was mistaken for a dick.

People think I am shit hot at using Excel when in reality I am just shit hot at using 'Help' and Google.
I make a big deal out of doing fairly easy things as most of my colleagues are dolts.
I tell the phone to 'fuck off' every single time it rings.
This morning I have had to deal with people with limited reading comprehension skills. I note these people as being 'mongos' or 'tards' to whoever will listen.
I take more fag breaks than is probably reasonable.
I lie on my time sheet. And always have done.
I skive at least 2 days in any given work month as these are my 'mental health holidays' and are required by 'TEH LAW'.
I spent 8 months sat beside someone and only spoke to him twice. One of those was work related and it took me a week to build up the nerve to do it.

I spent 6 weeks pretending to be really stressed out by some project when in reality I had finished it already. They then gave me a member of staff to help me out. That particular plan backfired. Should have just kept it to the 4 weeks.

My boss has just asked me to turn my music down as it bothers Janice, the girl who sits in front of me. She could have just asked me herself the moron. I want to listen to Atari Teenage Riot at full volume now.

Best thread ever.

I have to negotiate the deal of the century just to get the team administrator to...ya know...administrate.
I can use a computer without asking for help, so therefore must know how excel works.
I could tell you when each member of my office last made tea
I can ignore the relative attractiveness of the finnish blonde who sits opposite me because I think she's a workshy waste of space.

Every week day of mine is spent in perpetual blind terror. Terror at the prospect that I will be found out. That all the slacking and the bad excuses will come back to haunt me. That my basic knowledge of excel and power point that has somehow kept me in the game will be revealed to be easily learned by even the most simple simians. That my ridiculously excessive internet usage will be picked up on and used as a stick to beat me to death with. That my worthwhile few contributions to the team will be recognised as the half-arsed 5 minute jobs they are rather than the lengthy draining projects I made them out to be.

That all of this will happen and I'll be outed as the shocking excuse for an employee I really am. That I’ll then find a brief but beautiful release in my inevitable dismissal, followed by the harrowing ordeal that is job hunting as I desperately try and claw my way back into yet another spirit sapping Office Job.

and i've got the thread title stuck in my head to the tune of "i'm an engine driver" by the Decemberists.

On a and a half years of Radio 2 was manageable.
Three and a half years of Radio 2 has become a bit of an issue.
Acker Bilk was sending me to sleep.
The only saving grace is that it's not a local commercial station.
6music would make my day twice as good.
I drink Robinsons cordial but get pretty thirsty at times because I resent making the tea/coffee for the whole office so I just wait for someone to make me a drink. Then I feel guilty for being so lazy and petty.
I sit down all day and probably had a medical flare up because of it, but things have abated now so I'm ignoring it.
I dread the day my DiS post count reaches 10k+.

Someone had to come in and repair the photocopier and all that was wrong was that someone had put paper through it with blue tack on. The guy "repairing" it looked at us like "What a bunch of dumb fuckwits" and to make it worse I think the culprit may have been me.

I'M AN OFFICE WORKER.

i was fooling about pretending my calculator was a Blackberry and showed my friend the "email" i had recieved. I had just typed 80085 (BOOBS) on it. My director was stood behind me.
I'M AN OFFICE WORKER!

I've just witnessed an argument about the positioning of a watercooler.

But the speech itself was top notch. They showed a video beforehand of Cameron's achievements and it really made me a convert to the Cameron cause. The tributes to his wife seemed genuine and he almost had to stifle a tear when talking about the death of his son, but he did it in such a way where it didn't seem contrived.

and my new shirt makes me feel like I should be wearing a tie because the collar is quite high and stiff (LOL) and brushes against my beard.

I'm now a Xerox Super User. I just had an hour long lesson on how to use the photocopier. It started with a guy pointing to the photocopier I've been using for the past 18 months and saying, "this is a photocopier."

It took more strength than I knew I had to stop myself lunging at him with a stapler.

WHO PUT IT THERE?
WILL IT LAST AS LONG AS THE OLD ONE?
IT LOOKS QUITE NEW, DOESN'T IT?
NO I DON'T DRINK COFFEE IN THE AFTERNOONS I ONLY DRINK TEA
I CAN'T DRINK TEA BEFORE BED I CAN'T SLEEP
YES
MMM
*pleaseboilpleaseboilpleaseboilpleaseboil*

to cut down on waste/be good for the Environment, the canteens are bringing in a new system where you get given a Mug For Life (or just a 'mug' as I call them, silly me) and you have to use that instead of use the horrible paper cups they give you. If you forget your Mug For Life then you have to pay an extra 15p on top of the price of your cuppa (29p for tea, 40p for coffee). People are really angry about it. It's hilarious.

I am an office worker.

after a elastic band "friendly" fire incident at the secretary in charge of said cupboard...

I'm an office worker...get me out of here!

I understand now why suicide rates and mental health problems are so high among young professionals. Truly is the most grindingly boring and soul-destroying work around.

Do something physical, labouring and whatnot. Much better pay and the people are far more interesting. Or even bar work; pay isn't great but at least you can have fun.

LONGEST. DAY. EVER.

To use the term 'worker' would be to do myself a disservice.

I pee on their time, not mine

I'M AN OFFICE WORKER!

and i got promoted today!! :D

why can't I go home. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9

but EVERY DAY :(

I'M WEARING SHORTS IN THE OFFICE!!!!!!

I'm not wearing tights and my legs are itchy on my cheap office chair. I just made a spreadsheet. I bought a plant for my desk. I'm an office worker.

It's w&nk.