Boards
sadpunk 'bloke test'
1. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers)
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing?
3. Have you ever changed a nappy?
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents?
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation?
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've?
6/6 on the sadpunk scale!
I AM ALL MAN!!
:D
^5
Thank you for this, I was starting to doubt myself!
3/6
3/6
I'm a half-bloke
um, about 3 and a half?
1. no, i'm not old enough :(
2. yeah, i elbowed someone in the face.
3. halfway, had to get my mam to help.
4. yes, too many times :( i haven't a clue.
5. does after count? that was nice to wake up to.
6. not hospital, the doctors a few times though.
Thank God you didn't get 5 and 3 mixed up!
:D
:D
i had to check the questions
:D made me laugh tho
big LOLs!
:D
Only 2/6
I'm a sham of a man
...
1- no
2- yes, me
3- no
4- yes
5- no, always finish what you start
6- yes, 3 times this year
3/6
i'm a tranny
5/6!
Alright!
still
only 1/6. oh the humanity!
5/6!
I'm much better at this test.
Good work!
This is how proper men should live in 2007!
Monday is going to be the manliest moment ever!
:D
...
1. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers) STANDARD
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing? STANDARD
3. Have you ever changed a nappy? BASIC
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents? STANDARD
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation? STANDARD YES!!!
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've? STANDARD, I HAVE A MASSIVE GASH IN MY HEAD NOW :(
massive gash in your head?
nope, no jokes there
nope just tumble weed
a massive bush of tumble weed
:D
2. that girl was a right stuck up twunt
i hate the lennons clientele!
1. where is it?!
i wanna seeee
...
You've committed genocide while dancing. It was impressive.
How can anyone fall asleep while masturbating
without destroying their own sense of self-esteem?
If they're very, very drunk!
It's more when you wake up again
freezing cold, holding your willy and with your trousers down that the self-esteem starts to go.
^this
oh, this.
^
*weeps*
It's worse when
your girlfriend is next to you.
^^
too much information...
You think we have any selfesteem?
A fair point
:D
1/6...
nappy?
indeed !
help yourself to another one whenever you feel like one
they're over there in the biscuit tin
4/6
3 out of 6!
0/6
What do I win?
the knowledge that you put a smile on my face!
5/6
i have never nodded off whilst shuffling my pack, i am far too anal about cleaning up my sorry mess to go under.
the nappy change was about 10 years ago. hideous.
3 out of 6
Someone take one of my testicles - I'm not worthy of both!
LOL!
Once again my reality fails to fit the criteria
1) N/A I never buy sunday papers
2) no I am like a graceful swan
3) yes
4) Yes. but I then went on to change the engine of the car
5) ? How could you even remember that if you were that drunk
6) ?
This is a crap bloke test
YOU'RE A CRAP BLOKE TEST!
I am indeed a crap bloke
sometimes i think id make a better woman
4!
i think that this means that i'm male, but not a grown up
5/6
give me a fucking nappy and I'm a MAN
///////
me too...how does changing a nappy make you a man? wearing one maybe...
4/6
Which ones are you missing?
1 and 3
ok, buy a porno on Monday
and I'll let you change my nappy!
which one
do you want?
I WANT TO BE A MAN
I don't know which ones are around nowadays
Fiesta?
Knave?
Club?
Damp Gusset Monthly?
The latter
hmmm 4/6
1) No. Internetz is free porn for all.
2) Many, many, many times. My personal style of interpretive dance has been likened to an octopus being electrocuted.
3)God no. Unless those training mats you buy cats count?
4) Yes, Yes.
5) Yes.
6) Yeah. Turned out I had concussion and a massive gash in my leg. I was having none of it.
I'm thinking One might be a generational thing.
And whether or not you had a paper round :)
Or just how sad and lonely we are...
...and the internet stops working
so did porn magazines
circa 1998
...and it's a day off work and This Morning has finished
* Loose Women
..and you've got to got o the shop to get some milk anyway
*go to
...and you realise that to get over a tenner you need to spend an extra £2.50
...and the sirens of the top shelf start whispering your name
...and you think 'I don't come in here that often, this woman will never remember me anyway'
...and so you aim your face at the music mags as your up-turned eyes make their choice
...and you scan across, rejecting them all, until your eyes settle on a likely suspect
...and with your selection made, you make one final visual sweep of the shop and ready yourself for
...the quick reach-and-grab action you've practiced in your head many times before
...and you reach, you grab, you head for the counter and avoid eye contact
...and your heavy, nervous breathing makes you sound dodgier than you intend, so you hold your breat
h
...and inside your head the panicked voice screams "Why is she taking so long!?"
...and as she looks you in the eye as she scans the magazine, you know she's thinking
...the internet has stopped working, This Morning has just finished and he wants a
...cheeky wank, and he wants to pay me £2.50 to facilitate this
...which is all normal, but what the hell does he do with the milk?
...and then your smile and realise
...she's sure you're old enough and you're minutes away from
...lying down, alone, and reading fake stories about sodden gussets
...and pouring milk over your bollocks!
amazing
:D
DiS should retire after this thread
MY GOD
seriously i'm in awe
I can't believe I took this day off work
GENUINE 10/10
^ this is possibly the best thing ever
i can't believe i missed it first time round.
also: BUMP
this is actually the best thing ever
bamos and sadpunk should be fucking knighted for this
bump
:D
no
probably
no
yup
i don't think so...
yeah
2.5? I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
you guys shouldnt be buying pron at your age
Adult magazines?
at our age?
*
I haven't bought any porn for over a decade!
The age range of
people on this thread is 16-32. What age, exactly, should one start/stop buying them?
It varies
but I would say when you are able to go out into the real world and encounter such sights in real life.
when they have
internet access in their room?
I am such a dud/e.
1. Yes, I hid it in a double bagged carrier bag instead.
2. Probably.
3. No.
4. I don't get into that situation because I know that if I kick the tyres of a car I will know how well it is working. I award myself 2 for being more manly than required.
5. I hve given up before going to sleep in shame.
6. I could probably do with a trip the the doctor for the last 3 months so yes.
2/6
LAME
Haha! I win!
Hey!
1. I don't think Bizarre counts as porn, so no.
2. Yes, many times.
3. Yes
4. Yes, the steam coming from some part of the engine didn't help this.
5. No
6. Yes, I should really go to the dorctors soon actually, I think my knee may have some damage on the inside, it is not supposed to hurt this much. Although I will probably just try and 'walk it off'.
4/6
2/6
1. Why buy them when they are readily available in every good area of woodland?
2. Only mentally
3. Nope
4. Every time
5. Who hasn't, right? RIGHT?
6. No.
Your answer to question one
takes me back to a couple of discoveries during my time at junior school
I still remember, and I quote, what Dan Steadman said when we found one once:
"What's that bit? It looks like a seed or something"
Seriously, who stashes porn in the woods?
I know
you're supposed to leave them at railway sidings like everyone else.
3/6
1, nope.
2, yep few times
3, nah.
4, yes actually
5, yep.
6, my injuries aren't usually severe enough, just stupid cuts etc. that Really don't need any extra attention
4/6
let me try
yes
yes
yes
yes
no
no
4/6 I'm more than half man
This is an excellent test.
I've never changed a nappy, but a hearty yes to all of the others thanks.
:D
You're a man!
6/6
. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers) YES
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing? YES
3. Have you ever changed a nappy? YES
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents? YES
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation? YES
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've? YES
up to 6/6 now
YES
congratulations!
hmph
1. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers)
NO
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing?
NO (i'm usually pretty considerate)
3. Have you ever changed a nappy?
NO
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents?
YES
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation?
NO
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've?
NO
1/5 :(
I HATE MISSING THESE!
i scored 6 tho.
You manly bastard, you!
3/6
although it would be 4/6 if i were ever stupid enough to open a car bonnet and look inside.
it means 'open' in man-talk
1, 2, 5 & 6?
They're near enough the same thing!!
0/6.
YEAH!
^ gay
5/6
I have never bought a porno mag. Just stolen them from other people like a total COWARD.
.
1. nah
2. i think so?
3. no.
4. yeah! my friend gave me a great tutorial the other day though. i feel like i know stuff about cars now.
5. yeah!
6. yeah!
4/6?
-
1. No, blame the internets.
2. Yes, oops.
3. No!
4. Briefly, usually I know what I'm looking for
5. Yes
6. Yes
yes to all
1) i even asked the hapless girlie behind the counter where they kept the man-size tissues.Then said, oh no, it's ok, i'll just use newspaper.
0/6
am i a woman?
I got 3/6
I'm half man.
you're more manly than me, and i'm a man!
i fail
I just thought I'd rub this in again
HI NICK X
me too
maybe i'm some kind of shemale?
Hey Creakyknees!!
Does it mention anything about hammers in this? Does it? NO! It doesn't!
Your hammers don't count for anything here! :)
Also, I just re-read the porno bit in the middle of this thread :D
re pron
naturally my last reply was that when you are able to go out and encounter such sights in the real world, that is the indicator to 'STOP' using it.
Sorry me laddo, but it was thou that brought up the subject of you not having a single hammer (in other thread). If you cant handle people knowing you havnt got the tools for the job, then YOU shouldnt have mentioned it.
Just to rub it in. I also have tins full of many recovered screws and nails and washers.
You're half a man
but that's good for an eleven year old!
Without doing anything silly like reading the thread,
does injuring yourself whilst dancing count?
THIS IS IMPORTANT
the answer to this question determines whether I am 67% or 83% bloke...
6 from 6
although number 6 on the list has only materialised recently, I really must make that appointment tomorrow.
Yes, I'll allow it!
:)
good, i think i was assuming that
5/6
I haven't done No4
I can't drive - which i suppose takes away a few man points in itself
I'll do it tonight
then i won't feel left out
1/6
only number 6. lame
<3
I was reading this earlier, just before Spunky bumped it. The mention in the local mentalists thread of the bloke pouring milk over himself is what reminded me.
:D
5
I have never changed a nappy.
:)
I fucking love this thread!
4.5
I havent bought a porn magazine, friends give them as gifts so i keep up to date.
Never changed a nappy, i let child services take care of that.
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. No.
4. No.
5. I do not recall. So, possibly.
6. Yes
How is this scored exactly.
merry xmas.
merry christmas meths.
I should get the perfect 6 within a few months or so.
http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/2598701#r3395749
Still laughing very hard.
:D
5/6
I can make that 6 out of 6 this weekend though.
I think you've missed out some important questions.
7.) Have you sharpened a pencil with a knife?
8.) Have you ever hired a skip?
A full 6/6
1) The adrenaline/embarrassment was all part of the thrill!
2) Hmm, a few times. Worst was probably at Le Tigre a few years ago, a gig that seemed to be populated, myself aside, entirely by 5 ft 2 in 16 year old girls. I started throwing my shapes during Hot Topic and promptly skittled about six teenyboppers. Went to stand near the back after that :(
3) I have three younger siblings so yes, one of the joys of being the eldest growing up.
4) Having only owned crappy cars, frequently. My stap-father is a mechanic and I used to work in his garage during the summer holidays. Car knowledge does not appear to have seeped into me at all.
5) Ah yes, the joys of waking up at 4am cuddling my laptop.
6) Dancing on bar, slip off bar head first into tray of drinks, horrified looks all around, "Nah I'm fine, another beer please barman", wake up in morning with face glued to pillow (not connected to number 5) and a fairly tidy two inch scar on my forehead as a reminder.
BLOKE!
5/6
Hear me roar!!!
I never had to buy porno mags as a kid because all of our illicit magazines / booze / other substances were procured for us by a certain Mr L.S. Davies (no joke!) who already looked about 21 when he was 14 and brewed his own alcohol. With the amount of business he had going on he could have retired by the age of 18...
3/6
Wow...!
1. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers) Aye when younger, felt the same sort of embarrasment and shame as buying the Gail Porter FHM magazine too.
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing? Repeatedly, regretfully. Elbowed a japanese guy in the face one time, the band stopped playing to admire my handiwork as blood poured on the floor. He was fine and accepted my multiple apologies with good humour.
3. Have you ever changed a nappy? Every day... two kids, see. It does not get easier.
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents? Oh! No! No car!
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation? Too often.
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've? Broke my arm skateboarding when younger, walked two miles home and went to sleep, had an operation to put my shattered elbow back together that night :D
1/6
damn
1. Have you ever bought a porno mag? (without hiding it inside the Sunday papers)
YES - REMEMBER BUYING ONE FROM THE NEWSAGENTS IN TOWN AND HIDING IT INSIDE THE COVER OF HAYSI FANTASI'S DEBUT ALBUM. OH THE SHAME: HAYSI FUCKIN FANTASI...
2. Have you ever injured someone whilst dancing?
SMACKED A LAD IN THE MOUTH FOR STAGGERING INTO ME WHILE DANCING TO THE CLASH. HALF A POINT PROBABLY.
3. Have you ever changed a nappy?
PLEASE: HUNDREDS
4. Have you ever popped the bonnet of a car and stared helplessly at it's contents?
I WAS CONVINCED MY OLD RENAULT HAD NO DIPSTICK - NEVER DID FIND THE BLOODY THING
5. Have you ever fallen asleep during drunken masturbation?
YES. MORE EMBARRASSINGLY FELT ASLEEP DURING SEX ONCE. I WAS VERY, VERY DRUNK
6. Have you ever refused to go to hospital when you probably really should've?
YES. NUMEROUS SPORTING INJURIES, A COUPLE OF CUTS THAT SHOULD HAVE HAD A STITCH.
5.5
2/6
What the hell is a bloke anyway? Some pale imitation of a real man?
buzzfeed huh?