London. London is so full of absolutely every type of person in the world, and I love it. But there are more Eastern Europeans than anyone.

I was sitting across from one on the tube yesterday, and he was giving me filthy, filthy looks, muttering to his friend in tongues.

Then some woman got on with a book and he was glaring at her in a letching way, so she'd notice. Looking down her top.

I was absolutely furious. I wished I was Gandalf or something. I would've chopped his legs off, but made sure he didn't get any disability benefits etc.

Someone tell me why, although I went through Bethnal Green station about 10 times per day, I didn't meet Vikram, too.