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Insert saccharin sweet gushings or tear stained bitter missives below:
I'm 27 and have never been in love.
The reason for this thread is a discussion that we were having at work today along the lines of 'Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?'.
I loved my ex, we were together for nearly 5 years, so obviously I cared about her a great deal, but, I don't believe that we were ever 'in love' with each other. It was more, strong affection than anything else.
When I was 18 I felt much the same.
I was in love with Jasmine once. But then she totally cheated on me... at Scrabble. Now we are enemies.
it's pretty good.
love you too
but I'm not mature or confident enough to make it last.
Then it ended. I was glad I was though. I'm hoping for more in the near future.
I've had incredible infatuations and loved and cared for people I've been in relationships with. I've not met my soulmate (yet). I'm pretty conservative and cautious with who I give my emotions too...
but i gave him back cos he'd gone bad.
its strange and never properly happened, jsut sort a mix of good and bad and stuff.
the actual act of saying 'I love you'.
It's such a serious, powerful statement that I just couldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I find it weird when people say it after you've been dating for about a month or two and then get narky when you don't reciprocate the statement.
Maybe, it's the women I date, but, it fucks me off!
I blame Company magazine, it's all they seem to write about.
but then i just said it once and it was all ok!
makes me a bit sad really but hey I'm only 19 hardly the end of the world.
I've had infatuations and the like and thought I've been in love, but it's not happened yet. It would be nice to be "in love" now, yet it's not a constant worry. Not yet anyway...
And have the emotional wire fence tightly wound in the place my heart was once so that it will not happen again.
Jaded much? uhuh.
Oooh I'm gone all emo on your bad selves! Too easy...
What went wrong, then?
I seem to be afflicted with the liking of bastards. You know the kind that cheat on you and purge you of all your self esteem leaving you like a crumpled heap on the tear stained floor as they fuck off for the numpteenth time.
But thanks for appearing to care. :)
The bastard thing is an interesting aspect of the relationship game though.
For all that women seem to complain about them, those bastards seem to get a whole lot of play!
usually smoke the bed out (don't make me explain that one) so I'm sure something can be said of it. I've been telling myself for the last five years that all it takes is for me to find someone really nice and that'll be it.
I'm not so sure though. :$
The trouble is that 'nice' isn't really enough, is it?
Golden labradors are nice, but, you wouldn't want to date one.
I used to think my standards were too high, but, based on the past few years I think they've been way too low.
The only real lesson I've learned is that house parties > bars > clubs in the meeting interesting people stakes.
i clearly mean... amazing in bed, clever, sweet, funny, a good listener who doesn't mind getting his ear bent, attentive, kind, probably obsessed with music (*good music*), clean (as in knows how to use a shower, and does), likes going to gigs *all the time*, attractive, can hold his own, strong willed and general pretty bloody perfect- that'd do me!
Failing that if you're hot and great in bed you're probably my next conquest...
I've never ever met anyone interesting in a bar. Gigs, yes. Cult video stores, yes. Down at the indie disco, yes.
Your standards can probably never be high enough, not if you quite like having a life that is.
. whoops .
Well, there's no point in settling for less so why not aim high?
so come on Alex-in-ciderland why are you single?
You jaded too? We could start a *club*
Well, *cliche alert*...it's complex.
I was with this great girl for nearly 5 years and when we split I was a bit shellshocked, well...very shellshocked.
Since then I've had a handful of what I'd term 'McRelationships' by which I mean meaningless and disposable rather than shagging people who work at fast food franchises.
I guess I'm a bit jaded now too, but, only because I want that butterfly feeling and rolling around in meadows and being told to 'get a room' by strangers....all of that stuff.
'get a room!'
McRelationships? Worth the chip fat?!
the products sold by that corporation......slightly soggy, unsatisfying and bad for you!
but isn't a McRelationship just like a fuck buddy... only with lies?
is more like an imbetweener relationship. The only thing being that in the age we live in, more and more people seem to get caught in McRelationships which develop into something longer term.
often end up married and *cope with it*?
So many unhappy people seem to be married to each other, which is why i ask?
Obviously, often they'll have kids too which will have the same effect. It turns what should have been a temporary arrangement into something far more serious (in terms of consequences).
I know a lot of people who are afraid to be *alone*
You're never *alone* if you've got decent friends.
The trouble comes when you get into your thirties and all your friends are married and you don't get to see them anymore :(
I'm going to cry when this happens!
Its a bit disconcerting, but, I suppose its inevitable. Its only the LOLtastic price of houses/flats that is stopping a whole load of my other friends from vanishing into their relationships too.
before it all begins then. Fuck. I'll probably end up being friends with fashionista types who dont want to get married nor have kids cause they'll get fat. Oh the joy!
They don't bother with that dull kid stuff on the whole with the result that they're still fun party people well into their 40s.
the gays! (Meant in a total non offensive way obviously) some of my best friends are gay- and so much fun!
So much more interesting than anorexia - cheers for the tip!
all anorexic then or am I just massively missing the point?!
the earlier comment about fashionistas who don't want to get married nor have kids cause they'll get fat.
Helloooooo Anorexia much?
You need to hang out in Miss Sixty or something then.
I was talking to some of their staff last time I was in London, their contempt for children was second only to the scorn they held for conventionally proportioned women!
don't make anything above a size 10 and that's if you're lucky. I remember when I was a size 10 trying on their biggest pair of jeans and them still not fitting. Back in the days when I still gave a shit about stupid clothes shops and their stupid dress sizes :P
That's what you need!
XS- doesnt eat
S - Small ate once and quite enjoyed it but it hasn't happened since
M- Eats at meal times
L - Eats at meal times and has the odd cookie
XL - Eats at meal times and has the odd cookie jar
(not that I am fatist- if anything I am thinnest. It worries me somewhat that the fashion industry has made anorexia so cool)
remember the whole waif look and heroin chic in the early-to-mid 90s.
Christ, there's even been a Hollyoaks storyline about it!
unfair on women.
I plan on becoming Julie Burchill. Fat and opinionated.
Nobody forces anyone to buy into fashion industry bullshit.
Haute couture is just a joke anyway, other than a few thousand stupendously wealthy women worldwide, who really cares?
The money is in bags, sunglasses and shoes and the thin/fat argument is redundant with those products.
primarni is the new haute couture... they're making a mint. Well at least their clothes are regular sized although poor women in the third world stitched their fingers into them. *Tough call*
...at least, i'm sure that's what I read in the Sunday Times Style supplement earlier this year.
'Fashion is something so ugly it has to be changed every 15 minutes', that's what early 90s rap-metal types Senser reckoned, I'm inclined to agree.
I was like 'you do know what fashion is don't you.. how am i fashionable?' Weird.
Where do you draw the dividing line?
You can look fucking cool without being the least bit fashionable and on the flipside, dedicated follwers of fashion can look utterly ridiculous.
before i go, what's your favoutite cider... Alex-in-Ciderland?
but there's some pretty amazing local here in Dorset.
is magners - on a mainstrem level
I quite like the apple tasting stuff actually. y'know like outright apple cider.
Speak later xxx
to Strongbow/Blackthorn et al
there's other stuff too, but, its not really for public consumption!
*also* you look my friend Martin.
Not that you probably care like!
you think that Martin is an ugly fucker
or not, I guess!
As for the other thing, its *not* filthy, regrettably, but, its not something for the wilds of the DiS messageboards!
Maybe I'll message you.
is gay but I love him in a sexually apathetic way. You can be my surrogate DiS Martin if you like :)
Well, its a slow night, so why not?
What shall we call our club?
errr....okay, maybe not.
something to do with the Mc thing. and being anti it. What do you call people who boycott McDonalds? I have done this too for 4 years - go me!
Everything I can think of sounds like it may be the name of some mediocre SoCal pop-punk band that have just signed to Fat/Epitaph!
and just pretend to play our instruments. I'm blind so when I find out I have to wear glasses I'll at least get to look like an *emo*
or when you intonate a word and want it to stand out freely. Like *dur* or a *club* as in could be read in lots of different ways and I am aware of it. Sorry I use these on msn *all the time* :)
I wasn't aware that asterisks
were a visual sign of cyber-sarcasm, DiS is educational after all!
with DiS. It's an MSN thing between me and my mates. I don't spk text cuz if i did dat den i wuldz b spekin 2u lik dis cuz u r so pritty babycakes
but after that text I'm visualising you as Lady Soveriegn, I can only apologise!
I got pissed in my local once and spoke like that for about half an hour, everyone bought me drinks to shut me up... that was (another) night I decorated the bathroom with my orange vomit and then prompty passed out. MEGA LOLZ
*Why* are you single again?
See, I'm learning!
My old housemates used to say that living with me was like living with a drunk child (mainly cause I had to ask how the washing machine and shower worked- *it was complicated*), and used to get hideously drunk and crawl home. Although all my old male housemates did admit on me moving out that they'd all considered shagging me (except the gay one, or maybe including the gay one... we were all a bit drunk at that stage!).
So yeah all my old housemates *secret paedophiles* thinking of sleeping with drunk children!
I can't help the *'s now! It's a compulsion....
Actually, think how much worse it would have been if they had confided that even when they were wasted, none of them had ever considered shagging you!!!
Now, that really would be something to get upset over.
well one of them was a Bristonian who got a first at uni and spoke horsey (so... no), gay housemate (no go) and the other one was attractive but we would not have got on in a relationship... *long story*.
...or did he have a Doctor Doolittle-esque ability to communicate with our equine friends?!
and with ancestral roots in higher plains. Yuk.
I went to a pubLOLic school so I know a lot of people like that!
but then again I'm probably too young to understand the full extent of what love is.
I've been in a relationship for two years and two a 16 year old that's pretty good going, and I do feel that there could even be a couple more years ahead. I'm v happy.
since then and entered into destructive relationships of sorts. God.
Yeah I was. I just hate admitting it because as per Mirri's post, mine 'went bad' too.
I certainly find it v. difficult to let my guard down now.
and it never felt better
(i'm going to stop doing this now.)
I was in love another time. She ran off with my best friend.
I miss my best friend.
Nobody broke your heart, you broke your own 'cause you can't finish what you start.
Sums me up right now, that line. God bless Elliott Smith. <3
We admitted feelings for each other, but mine were a lot stronger than hers. She had loads of insecurities, which I tried to compensate for by being really romantic. She seemed certain I'd leave her really quickly, which made me want to prove her wrong, yet simultaneously she also wanted to take things really slowly....
So basically she was too much for me. I went too fast for her, then she shot me down, saying she didn't want a relationship, and that she needed someone with more confidence in themselves.
Essentially she teased me, and I got worked up. I said I didn't want to leave, and she said "don't then" and hugged me tightly. I don't understand women like this!
Seriously though dont let yourself be messed about. Lifes too short for stuff like that
It must seem like a bastard now, but, that's actually how you're meant to feel at 18, honest!
I still remember how it felt when Wendy Jones blew me out (No, not like that) by the art building!
I still am I guess but I messed it all up.
that hindsight can make you view things differently.
but then feel love for someone else, which makes the 1st love pale in insignificance. so is the 1st one still love?
I've been in love for the last 9 years.
Yes i have.
been watching that emoid on hollyoks far too much get him ORF
to finally post something nice...
I am worried I might never be again.
It happened once so far....
I've waited for a long time to find love !
but I'm pretty unlovable...
but love is blind !
. love you though . xxx
roughly three times a day. I'm in live with Cat Deeley at the moment. Had a dream about her last night and she was awesome.
I find myself attracted to LITERALLY every girl I talk to at the moment. It's quite disconcerting.
I pretty much do want to fuck half the girls I meet...
Noooooooooo. That's not what I want at *all*. I want so much more than I could ever give - a life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
I just always fuck them up.
Lol. I *wish* I was in live with her. Whatever that means :'(
It's lust !
But lust is great too !:
I feel like it's far too early in the relationship and I'm maybe even too young, but I can't help it. I love him, I love him, I love him!!!!!
I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
C u next Tuesday.
but see you next tuesday is the sex and the city ism for *the c word*. I didn't want to be associated with that programme so changed it to Thursday (and that band are alright too).
But didn't know it was a Sex and the City thing...You learn something new every day!
Cunt is probably he best word ever, statistacly.
more than I care to know on this thread.
Fullerov has some valid points though that I appreciate.
I think I was about a month ago, though. Being "in love" with someone means you want to literally kill them, right?
I'm just getting over one. And kind of looking forward to falling in love again one day.
Although having read Jasmine's posts, I wish I hadn't been. Cheers jazz!
Don't say it if you don't mean it.
and the concept of it confuses me to be honest
could always dismiss it as a product of youth or inexperience but i don't feel there would be any worth in that.
probably happen again at some point, although part of me hopes not.
i thought i was not so long ago and i know i know i'm 18 blah blah blah but it felt pretty strong.
happier now 6 months down the line with someone else mind. much happier.
Once you've been through the mill a few times it's a bit more considered. And if both people have, then all the better, as the people concerned will have learned how to handle things properly, with a bit of honesty and integrity.
S'not all bad Daniel, you know it really.
and yeah, you're right. hence why i think it's foolish to look back with current eyes. if you feel it at the time.. well, it doesn't get any more real than that, does it? s'more what i mean.
i am now, and have been for nigh on two years. he is without a shadow of a doubt my best friend and soulmate. he makes me incredibly happy.
Though I think I might be taking things for granted now, which is something I should stop doing.
You could be in love with someone like me, after all. Everytime you start taking things for granted, think of that as the only other option.
Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?
Bed? Definitely no.
it was ace whilst it lasted, lots of 'hehe, i can't believe this is happening' but I'm glad I experienced it, it certainly made me feel a lot more positive about myself, and that someone would also respond in a healthy manner. I've got some very fond memories still- her coming to visit me at uni for the first time, seeing my band play, and other moments. Gradually we drifted apart, but that's life.
I'd be quite miffed if I didn't get the same feeling again at some stage.
I didn't admit to myself for ages, yet always kinda 'knew'
It's certainly a strange feeling. Scary and awesome in equal measure. Best to approach these things with caution is my advice
But maybe not as much caution as to not get with somebody for about five years. I either wasted that time, or had loads of fun in my youth. I'm going for the latter
It means different things to different people. Who am I to tell you that you don't feel as strongly about somebody as you should?
People get hung up on the word far, far too much. Let's just all get naked and get into it
its like being alive.
'Im in love again' 'ah oh'
'been like this before' 'ah oh'
'Im in love again' 'ah oh'
'this times true im sure'
When I was younger every month or so i would have the buzzcocks song 'love you more' going round in my head, reminding me it was 'just a phase'
'and if this isnt true love then i am sure' 'ah oh oh'
'that after this love there'll be no other' 'ah oh'
'until the razor cutsssss'
I like to think I'm over the most recent one, but sometimes I can't help but think about it.
Just every now and then memories of how good things were will worm their way in and make me sad for awhile.
I find the best cure is watch a film designed for people with very low attention spans- they usually have the plot summarised in the trailer.
There's no way I've yet found to effectively block it out for any length of time.
I don't think you ever really get over things, you just forget about them eventually.