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To get out of getting my face slapped, I took a dump to make the person leave the room. It worked.
Where'd you take it?
or just annoying?
asked him how their son was "oh, he's fine. he's sitting up and telling jokes" a lie!
But this is actually a true story.
* He is invincible because he is made of a rare alloy only he knows of.
* He is related to Saddam Hussein.
* Telling an American customs officer that he had £1,000,000 worth of grade-A crack heroin up his bottom (and that his friend found it in Liam Gallagher's dustbin).
* Being a NASCAR driver, winning the race even with broken legs.
* Being a Catholic priest, then reading last rites at a car accident.
* Having been wheelchair-bound (lie), visiting Lourdes and then being able to walk within several seconds upon arriving.
* Claimed to have The Nolan Sisters living in his fridge.
* Being a doctor, just by walking around in a white overcoat whilst still in his regular clothes.
* Composing the introduction riff to Deep Purple's Smoke on the Water.
* First soldier to climb Mount Everest as the expedition leader in a British Army climbing team.