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every time I'm down there. I know it's pretty cardio heavy but it's partly down to that being what I enjoy and partly down to being what I'm used to doing (as I used to run long distance track for my school).

Also, I'm good at running and I can run most people using the treadmills into the ground therefore ego boost for me. I'm shit at weights and I'm actually fairly embarassed to use them down the gym because I use pretty light weights. Pretty lame but that's the way it is. You're right though, I've been told by various football coaches that I need to bulk up.

Last time I really did a decent weights programme was during my sport science A-level and I really enjoyed it.

Let's work on exercising 5 times per week (you say you can do 7 times per week but that's not what we want). Two of those sessions should be cardio, so start thinking about ways of elevating your heart rate for a sustainable period of time. If you can jog, then try that. If you like to cycle, do that instead. And if you haven't done any cardio work for a long time, start at a 20 minute session and add on 5 minutes every week.

If you do take up jogging, the pace should be comfortable. If you ever feel like it's too much, move down a pace to a very brisk walk and start jogging again when your wind returns. I'm sure you get the idea...

So that's two sessions.

The other three you need to concentrate on load bearing exercise - weights and bodyweight work.

This is all off the top of my head, so we can fiddle with it at a later date if you so feel the need. Split your body into three parts that you can exercise. I suggest chest, shoulders and triceps for one day, back (tough to exercise properly at home if you can't do pullups anywhere or if your dumbbells are light), lower back and biceps (and forearms if you really feel the need) on the second day, and legs and abs on the third day.

First of all, before I start labelling out sets of exercises for you to do, I don't know anything about how fit you are, whether you can do 20 press-ups with ease, etc... so you need to adapt this as you go.

If you don't know how to perform these exercises with good form then LOOK IT UP. Even places like the Mens Health website has a wealth of information at your disposal for free, so use that advice wisely.

Day 1:

Chest - Press Ups (with arms sufficiently wide apart). Perform 1 warm up set (stop when you feel like you can't do a few more) and then 2 sets to failure. And I mean failure. Don't be a pussy.

Shoulders - Press. Sit down and press your d/bells above your head. Keep strict form. As before, 1 w/u set and 2 to failure.

Triceps - trickier here. You can do close grip push ups or dips. I recommend dips with your legs out in front of you (and eventually on a chair when you're strong enough). You can also do kickbacks but they're next to worthless until your arms are far far bigger than the average large muscular person. So don't. Again, 2 w/u set and 2 to failure. When you can get 15-20 quality, slow, controlled repetitions, then move your feet out further from underneath you or start elevating them (dependent on your strength). Add a d/bell to your lap while your feet are elevated if you're strong.

Day 2:

Back - Bent Over d'bell rows. Not great as they'll probably be far too light but better than nothing If you can do pull ups do them instead. 1 w/u set and 2 to failure. Assuming you can't hit anywhere near failure, add another technique - SUPER SLOW CONTROLLED reps. I'm talking 10 seconds on the up and 20 on the down. (By the way, this kind of training is garnering HUGE recognition in the USA at the moment - people are going mad for slow rep work, and with good reason - it works)

Lower Back - Extensions from the floor. Do NOT hyperextend. Usual set format.

Biceps - Bicep curls. I partially supinate my forearms when I do d/bell curls. Do whatever is comfortable. And yes, I know you probably don't know what supinate means, so look it up. Usual set format.

Day 3:

Legs - Squats. Very slow, down to where your thighs are parallel to the floor and back up. If too easy, slow it down further, and go deeper, but only if completely comfortable. If you're feeling athletic, and want to up your cardio (and possible fast twitch muscle response), go for jumping squats. Again with the set routine - 1 w/u set and 2 to failure if possible.

Calves - do calf raises (one leg at a time if possible) off a bottom stair. If you're strong (or very light) also add holding a dumbbell in one hand. 1 w/u set and 2 working sets. Aim for 20-25 reps per set. NEVER bounce your reps. ALWAYS slow and controlled.

Abs - crunches are king, so do them. 3 sets of 20. When you can do 25 quality, slow reps in a set, either do them even slower or add a dumbell, holding it to your chest with your arms.

You also need to learn how to stretch, and should stretch out your entire body every day. I'm naughty and rarely do, but you should spend c. 15 minutes per day (and this is minimum, especially when exercising) stretching out. Check places such as the Mens Health website for help.

Don't be scared of what I've just written. Boiling it down to its basics, it's simply this:

(1) Working up a sweat twice per week making your heart work
(2) Doing 3 lots of different exercises for 3 sets each, 3 days per week
(3) Stretching some