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up all night and listen to The Appleseed Cast.
Wish me luck...
Surely this scenario is indicative of the fact your luck has run out...
to The Appleseed Cast at about 3am. Too much heartache.
I'm now listening to The Shaky Hands.
a walk at approximately 2am. I walked past my ex-girlfriend's house and stopped, then stared at her bedroom window for what seemed like a very long time. I don't even know why.
I guess I was just trying to connect with her, by staring in to the space that she sleeps in. Sleep is so pure. Lol? I then walked over to a bench opposite my school. I sat on that damn bench. I stared at my school, brooding. Wondering where it all went wrong, and why. "WHY?!" I shouted, viciously.
After destroying my throat with the shouting I got off the bench. I walked home. I hid in the bushes when I saw head lights. Who walks the streets at nearly 3am in the morning? What kind of ill-adapted, emotionally under-equipped human being does that?
It's not healthy. Healthy people sleep. They sleep and then they get up, most probably smiling. Ready to get on with their day. The smarmy tossers. Piss off...
get light now. Another day is dawning. Routine. Forever the routine. Don't disrupt the routine.
I'll go in to school. I'll remember why I don't want to be there. I'll get taught a history lesson by a teacher that can't even spell the word "definitely".
I'll think about going in to see Mrs. Cotterill to tell her I'm quitting. I won't do it. Instead I'll go to the library and read Wilfred Owen poetry until all the words become meaningless. Oh, the beautiful words. Lost their passion. Lost their impact.
I want to go to university. He thinks I want a degree. Fuck off. I want to disappear. No, no I don't. I want to appear. I want to change things. I want to do something different, something worthwhile.
What's the point in spending three years getting in to debt for the sake of a degree which everyone and their five year-old little brother has got? I just want to DO. To live. To experience. To discover.
How do other people motivate themselves? I can't quite manage it. Not consistently anyway.
I get short bursts of electric creativity and passion and spirit and positivity and optimism before half-drowning again in insipid, tepid, useless lethargy. It's not meant to be like this, surely. I'm young. My up-an'-at-'em ethic should still be intact...
I've got to buckle down. Buckle up, even? Pull those socks up. Find my mojo. Find a way of focusing on my goals on a regualr basis. Not just once a week or something.
This is so bloody frustrating. It's not meant to ne like this. I've got "potential". Or at least I HAD it. Fuck knows where that has gone. Stop swearing. Swearing's for morons. Well, not morons, but just people who don't know any better, or people who haven't learnt how to express themselves properly - which I guess are one and the same. Is this a game?
to The Shaky Hands. I like this album. It's got a certain lazy charm about it.
My all-nighter is complete. Now back in normal people hours. I'm gonna go have a bath and then listen to 'Kind Of Blue' for the 346533th time whilst eating breakfast.
Listen to The Shaky Hands.
lengthy monologues ftw.
will fall asleep in?
on the internet are awesome
I'm so embarrassed of this thread now...
beautiful. i think those thoughts all the time too.
COOL. Let's be thought buddies, yeah?
it's rediculous how so many people feel empty but full at the same time
being entirely genuine. It made me want to go and write lyrics!
Did you write lyrics?
Maybe next time...