1. Australia 2004. Lee Collinson, 24, was prosecuted for driving without a license. After careful consideration, his defence of necessity was rejected by the court. What did Collinson tell the court?
a) “My mother was ill and couldn’t give me a ride, but I had to get to my criminal law examination…”
b) “There were no lagers left in the fridge and I had this, well… desperate thirst…”
c) “My cousin was about to [have sex with] this girl and he needed his bag because it had his condoms in it…”
d) “My cab hadn’t come, but I’d been hired as Russell Crowe’s BBQ chef, so I just wasn’t gonna no-show…”
2. The Canadian lawyer John N Conroy QC was once rebuked by a testy judge: “Mr Conroy, are you trying to show your contempt for this court?” Mr Conroy’s reply was prompt: “No,” he said. “I’m trying to conceal it.” Which, if any, of these was NOT uttered by a judge?
a) “Keep that mouth of yours shut or I will come down there and strangle you, you bastard.”
b) “I think it’s time we cut off their ears” – referring to unemployed men who spend money on drink.
c) “I care for no man living who opposes me.”
d) “He chose to live in Manchester, a wholly incomprehensible choice for any free human being to make.”
3. In 1999, what was delayed for 5 months?
a) The appointment of a Law Society officer to speed up complaints procedure.
b) A Court Of Appeal review of why a county court case lasted five months.
c) Lawyers debating the Prevention of Delay in Trials Bill.
d) The opening of a High Court case about a production of the drama Waiting For Godot.
4. In 2003, who told a court: “There has been no-one there for 753 years”?
a) A Bar official referring to the Chamber of Apology and Client Reimbursement.
b) A warden referring to the High Court’s museum of the history of civil drafting through the ages.
c) A barrister referring to an Albanian village described in a property brochure as “lively, bustling and well-serviced”.
d) The owner of a castle in Norfolk, prosecuted for having an unlicensed TV set on the premises.
5. An appeal from a planning tribunal decision in Melbourne challenged the mental capacity of the tribunal chairman. One of the following was the precise legal argument. Which was it?
a) “The tribunal was senile” (a tribunal member was 83)
b) “The tribunal was biased” (A tribunal member was a member of the same gentlemen’s club as the applicant)
c) “The tribunal was drunk” (a tribunal member had returned from lunch exceedingly refreshed)
d) “The tribunal was pregnant” (a tribunal member was five months pregnant)
6. Inventive sentencing has taken many forms. Which of these was not given out as a sentence?
a) A New Zealand man was sentenced to spend a day working on a pig farm to help him tell the difference between pigs and police officers at whom he had hurled abuse.
b) In 1531, Richard Roose, a cook who put poison in the porridge of the Bishop of Rochester, was publicly boiled to death at Smithfield in the same pot he had used to prepare his toxic recipe.
c) For violating Miami noise laws by playing 50 Cent at window rattling volume in his car, Michael Carreras was sentenced to listen to two renditions of Verdi’s La Traviata.
d) Two offenders were sentenced to work for a day with the Lord Chief Justice.
7. “I’ve got 1300 witnesses” is the sort of claimant’s assertion likely to dent the confidence of more defendants. Who said it, and in what legal scrape?
a) Jade Goody denying she had been racist on Big Brother, and referring to what she thought was the population of Britain.
b) Sting’s unfairly dismissed chef, referring to her colleagues in the singer’s well staffed mansions.
c) Mel Gibson, denying that he gave a racist diatribe to a police officer arresting him for drink driving, although suffering from severely impaired vision.
d) A Bolton council worker Keith Laird, who sued when Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights broadcast a character similar to his, but with an illegal penchant for dogs – and he was taunted by Bolton’s 1300 council workers.
8. Sarah McCaffrey, 23, was convicted of a motoring offence in 2005, fined £60 and ordered to pay £100 costs after she drove round a bend in second gear with an apple in her hand. To convict her, during 10 court hearings, prosecutors used photographic evidence shot from:
a) A mobile phone that a police officer had used – while driving alongside her.
b) An aircraft.
c) A police camera taped to a lamppost.
d) A television news camera filming a local resident.
9. In the 16th century, Bishop High Latimer wrote of judges that “they all love ___. ___ is a princely kind of ____.” What are the missing words?
a) Coition, carnality, exercise.
b) Bribes, bribery, thieving
c) Cakes, confection, gastronomy
d) Wine, liquor, elixir
10. In a jostling queue outside a New York court, Harvey Kash asked Carl Lanzisera: “How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?” They laughed and answered in unison: “When his lips are moving.” What happened next?
a) A lawyer who overheard joked: “Yes, the Spanish say it is better to be a mouse in a cat’s hands, than a person in a lawyer’s hands.”
b) A lawyer who overheard joked: “Don’t knock us, you should always take a lawyer with you if you’re in trouble. And another lawyer to watch him.”
c) A lawyer who overheard joked: Hey, people can’t live without lawyers. They certainly can’t die without them.”
d) A lawyer who overheard them had them both arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. They were handcuffed, frisked and taken away for checks on their records.