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dealing with standard questions from relatives

Brooner [Edit] [Delete] 46 replies 16:05, 24 July '07

i'm going to my sisters wedding on saturday and am no doubt going to be repeatedly asked the same questions by family friends or relatives so want to have a bank of witty (or otherwise) retorts so that I don't have to say the same things over and over and over again.

Along the lines of:

Q1. So how come you don't have a lucky lady with you?
A1a. You've seen my face right?

Q2. So you'll be next down the aisle then
A2a. See Q1
A2b. hahahaha
A2c. Yeah, of the supermarket. LOL.

So, add other likely questions to the list and any possible answers that'd be suitable/unsuitable/funny

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.

A1 I'm gaaaayyyyyy

devonmalcolm | 24 Jul '07, 16:07 | X
- nah
  
  that'll be no use once i get my hair cut.
  
  Brooner @devonmalcolm | 24 Jul '07, 16:07 | X
'so's your face'

sarkyfox | 24 Jul '07, 16:08 | X
Just stare at them intensely for about 6 seconds

Then walk away.

Zapsta | 24 Jul '07, 16:08 | X
Q5. So are you wearing anything under your kilt?

A5. *piss on their shoes*

bamos | 24 Jul '07, 16:10 | X
- :)
  
  Brooner @bamos | 24 Jul '07, 16:11 | X
  - but i don't think (hope) my relatives would ask this
    
    if it was a hot girl i doubt i'd use that answer either
    
    Brooner @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:11 | X
    - Fair point
      
      There's always some drunken English cunt there to fulfill the job though, I guarantee it.
      
      bamos @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:13 | X
thats true

or something like "are you still growing?"

Brooner @andyk79 | 24 Jul '07, 16:12 | X
- I get constant references
  
  to my appearance, which I can only assume to anyone outside London appears 'outlandish' or perhaps even 'zany'.
  
  Last time I saw my extended family, two separate people looked at my hair and said 'well done!' in a really earnest tone of voice.
  
  chiaroscuro | 24 Jul '07, 16:11 | X
  - also
    
    if anyone would like to accompany me to avoid having to answer Q1 then if you can get yourself to inverness I can provide you with a nice meal, free booze, great company and more...
    
    Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:14 | X
    - I would, but I'm going to a wedding myself on Saturday
      
      And also, it would prompt too much gossip for you to handle.
      
      bamos @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:16 | X
      - where is your wedding?
        
        mine is this weekend, well, not MINE but...
        
        keiths_tele @bamos | 24 Jul '07, 16:18 | X
        
        I'm down in Cornwall
        
        If it's open again yet. You?
        
        bamos @keiths_tele | 24 Jul '07, 16:19 | X
        
        open again yet?
        
        its hardly rained at all in the south west - it s all lovely and dry down here!
        
        tobythecat @bamos | 24 Jul '07, 16:21 | X
        
        (if that was what you meant)
        
        tobythecat @tobythecat | 24 Jul '07, 16:21 | X
        
        fulham
        
        i think cornwall is open, just not the bits around it...
        
        keiths_tele @bamos | 24 Jul '07, 16:21 | X
        
        what?
        
        the ocean?
        
        i didn't know they could close it...
        
        tobythecat @keiths_tele | 24 Jul '07, 16:23 | X
    - "and more..."
      
      :P
      
      tobythecat @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:17 | X
      - y'want some eh
        
        ;)
        
        Brooner @tobythecat | 24 Jul '07, 16:17 | X
    - get a professional escort
      
      GO ON!
      
      starshaped @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:19 | X
      - i dread to think
        
        what a professional escort from Inverness would be like *shudder*.
        
        maybe i could find a sheep instead?
        
        Brooner @starshaped | 24 Jul '07, 16:20 | X
        
        you'll be asked loads of stuff about your job
        
        and how much money you make, if my competitive relatives are anything to go by
        
        darkpigeon | 24 Jul '07, 16:20 | X
        
        i don't like my job very much
        
        this is unfortunate
        
        Brooner @tartrocker | 24 Jul '07, 16:33 | X
        
        although this is a bit better
        
        than being asked about what i plan to do once finishing uni as was the case at the last few weddings.
        
        Brooner @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 16:33 | X
        
        I always win this
        
        because I earn more than any of my similarly aged relatives, and I enjoy my job more.
        
        JezCC @Brooner | 24 Jul '07, 17:26 | X
        
        I feel your pain
        
        I've had to explain to my grandad at least 4 times that I won't be bringing 'that blonde girl who was in the wedding pictures'with me to see him because we broke up a year ago.
        
        olegrich | 24 Jul '07, 16:26 | X
        
        A1:
        
        say "because I couldn't decide which of the 3 different women I am currently penetrating would be least likely to leave me forever after meeting my tedious family."
        
        then smile sweetly.
        
        restlessboy | 24 Jul '07, 16:37 | X
        
        that's awesome
        
        last time i was in this situation i said: "i'm between girlfriends... well, not literally." then smile slightly mischeviously.
        
        ImageChange @restlessboy | 24 Jul '07, 17:07 | X
        
        i'm not sure i quite pulled off the second part.
        
        they probably thought i was having a stroke... well, not literally ;)
        
        ImageChange @ImageChange | 24 Jul '07, 17:07 | X
        
        :D
        
        pretty_vacant @ImageChange | 24 Jul '07, 17:11 | X
        
        Question:
        
        So, hows work going?
        
        Honest answer: Do I look like I want to talk about frigging work on a Saturday?!
        
        Peaceful answer: Yes, its ok thanks - not too bad.
        
        tre_cools_sticks | 24 Jul '07, 16:44 | X
        
        I really like:
        
        So, how's the bang going then?
        
        Have you had many gigs recently, are they still called gigs?
        
        Do you think you'll get your "big break" soon?
        
        Roose | 24 Jul '07, 17:12 | X
        
        I hate these questions
        
        and hence I intend to avoid all non-immediate family relatives/parents' friends/people from my hometown until I'm a ridiculusly famous musician.
        
        This may take a while...
        
        theguywithnousername @Roose | 24 Jul '07, 17:16 | X
        
        so...
        
        when are you going to settle down?
        
        Brooner @janfurnace | 24 Jul '07, 17:42 | X
        
        Grandma:
        
        So what sort of music do you like these days?
        
        Me: Oh... all sorts...
        
        busstopboxer | 24 Jul '07, 17:14 | X
        
        haha
        
        yes
        
        My girlfriend's grandmother asked me this the other day.
        
        I told her I liked lots of different stuff, but that my favourite band was soulwax.
        
        She said "oh, I like soul"
        
        I smiled weakly
        
        JezCC @busstopboxer | 24 Jul '07, 17:23 | X

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