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has the bit where Homer says "saxamaphone"?
where he breaks Lisa's sax?
The aircon breaks, but they pay for Lisa to get a saxaphone or something?
and has to get her a reed for her saxamophone at the music shop, but he is late for her recital + she sucks bad etc.
I don't remember the larger context of the episode though.
in the episode where the flanders are foster parents and lisa and bart live next door
'oh what i wouldnt give to hear lisa play her saxamaphone..
all of the episodes mentioned above.
"tumbaba? viomalin? saxamaphone?"
TO A BIGGER HOUSE!"
Burns: "Smithers, are they saying 'boo' or 'boo-urns'?"
Hans Moleman: "I was saying Boo-urns"
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...
not just one! i liek the one where he blows down the saxaphone and is sad so he just says 'saxamophoneeee, saxamophoneeee' with his mouth on the sax haha
the one where Social Services take the children off Homer and Marge and they go and live with the Flanders.
Just remembered this from the Larry Burns episode (paraphrasing a little):
Mr Burns: You, foodbag! Does your son bring home losers and force you to have to talk to them?
Homer (whilst eating): Oh yes sir...have you heard about this little weiner called Milhouse?...He...
Mr Burns (getting up): Fascinating! Bye...
that bit is gold.
Carl: What you doing with that paper, Moe? You drawing wangs on all the pictures?
Moe: No, I'm playing Sudoku.
Carl: Is that the game where you place numbers in a grid, without using the same number in a vertical or horizontal line, in order to create 9 boxes each containing the numbers 1 to 9?
Moe: What!? I was just drawing wangs on all the numbers.
Homer: Can you describe it to us?
Moe: Well, lets see...it's a lot of money...so, someone famous must be on it....hmmm...i'm going to say....Hitler!"
Lenny: Did you just hear something?
Lenny: Did I?
Karl: I don't know.
Homer: Marge? I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
one of the best
Bart: "To get to Duff Gardens I'd ride with the devil himself!"
Selma: "That's the spirit!"
*head slams on steering wheel and horn blasts*
my joint favourite moment ever, along with 'sideshow raheem' -
Krusty: "Ah... the script says I have to bonk you with this" (holds a hammer)
Sideshow Raheem: "I wouldn't"
I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!
duff beer for you!
i'll have a duff!
you have one too!"
"i want to get offffff!"
"you can't, we still have six more continents to visit."
Bart: Take him away boys!
Wiggum: Hey, hey - I'm the Chief, I get to say that!......Bake him away, toys!
Lou: What'd you say, Chief?
Wiggum:....do as the kid says.
Wiggum: Your mission is to find the firework smugglers and get them to say something incriminating on this tape.
Bart: Hootie and the Blowfish?
Wiggum: Yeah. It's cheaper than blank tape.
Milhouse: I can't go to juvie! They use guys like me as currency!
Wiggum: Yeah, they'll pass you around like... like currency, like you said.
"hey! that ducks got it!" / "ah yes, i set it down when i had a piece of cake"
the first one is his badge isn't it. fool.
Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet
Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?
"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn"
I was gonna post that one. Because it's relentlessly true.
We are proceeding on foot. Repeat proceeding on foot
with me and 'cols'>
Going in the evening. Huzzah!
god bless flexitime!
my supervisor laughed at me though :(
I would have said a doctor appointment or something!
Though my boss has admitted she's going for a drink after work then going to buy the Harry Potter book. Guh.
but im worried its going to be awful. i cant stand watching the simpsons after about series 11, they're ruining it.
has largely been written by people involved with the early seasons.
homer:what country is this from anyway?
salesman: it no longer exists, but it will go for 100 hectaires on a single tank of kerosene.
Put it in H!
Bart shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes and shakes a can of Duff up.
Homer opens it.
It's the simplest, but it's enough to make me laugh.
"...and then i sped away without anyone noticing my licence plate"
Also good for the police response:
"It looks like an explosion of beer at the Simpson place."
"Proceeding on foot. We need nachos - repeat - bring some nachos!"
Or something like that.
Nachos aren't that big a beer food are they?
has anyone else read this?
it's raaaaaaather good if a little wanky, i think. i read it all on the bus to work, and it's full of random quotes that would make me start laughing like a lunatic.
Homer: I got a bad heart.
Ned: Homer, if I could give you my heart, I would.
Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
Rainier Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.
Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?
Rainier Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies.
i love that one...
Mrs Krabappel: By ignoring them, you're selling out these children's futures.
Skinner: Oh, come on, Edna. We both know these children have no future!
Skinner: Prove me wrong, kids! Prove me wrong!
I'm sitting at my desk looking like a smirking idiot. More so than usual
Cliff: Hey kids! Meet Grampa Murphy!
Rudy: But we have three Grampas already!
Cliff: This one's a great jazz musician!
Rudy: Oh, they all are!
Cliff: Oh, oh! You see, the kids, they listen to the rap music, which gives them the brain damage, with their hippin' and the hoppin', and the bippin' and the boppin, so they don't know what the jazz... is all about! You see, jazz is like a Jello Pudding Pop. No! Actually, it's more like Kodak film. No! Actually, jazz is like the New Coke, it'll be around forever.
Ned: Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem! See, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyer and Sidon, the twin cities of the Holy Land. Well, they must have kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong god because they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort!
Homer: Militants, eh? Well if I were you, I'd kick their asses.
Ned: Well anywhodilly-doodle, the police say it's just a routine hostage-taking, but I gotta drive to Capitol City and fill out some forms to get them out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?
Homer: Oh, gee, I'd really love to wanna help you, Flanders but...Marge was...taken prisoner in the....Holy Land, and...
Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet?
Homer: He'll show.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: It's his job.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: He's a burglar.
[The theme from Dragnet begins playing as Skinner and Homer nod to each other, with increasing frequency.]
"The metric system is the spawn of the devil. My car does 6 rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it"
Homer: Oh, I can’t believe it I got an enemy. Me, the most beloved man in Springfield.
Moe: Ah, it's a weird world, Homer. As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
Homer: No, I won't accept that.
Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here on what I call my, uh, "enemies list."
Barney: Jane Fonda, Daniel Schorr, Jack Anderson... Hey! This is Richard Nixon's enemies list. You just crossed out his name and put yours.
Moe: Okay, gimmie that, gimmie it back! Barney.. Gumble...
Homer: Oh, what’ll I do Moe?
Moe: Well, why don't you invite him over to dinner? Turn him from an enemy into a friend. Then, when he’s not expecting it... Bam! The ol' fork-in-the-eye!
Homer: Do you think it might work without the fork-in-the-eye?
Moe: There's always a first time.
makes me lol every single time.
"Marge, it takes two to lie: One to lie, one to listen"
Homer: Woah, let me get this straight .. Are you saying you're never going to eat anything that's come from an animal ever again?
Homer: What about bacon? Ham? Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the SAME animal!
Homer: hehehe.... sure Lisa ... a wonderful MAGICAL animal!
Ray Pattison: I can't believe what I'm hearing!
Homer: Well then, you'd better turn up your hearing aid Pops!
Ray: Pops?! I'm only 2 years older than you
Homer: Do we want old man Pattison here with his finger on the button?
Ray: Which button? What the hell are you talking about?
Homer: Oo .. which button? where am i? who took my false teeth?
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."
Sherman: Hey, your shoes are untied!
Wolfcastle: From here, they appear fine, but I will bend down for a closer look.
*he stoops over and looks hard at his shoes. Sherman runs away from his beating. Several hours pass*
Wolfcastle:....on closer inspection, these appear to be loafers.
Grampa: "I leave these: a box of mint-condition 1918 liberty-head silver dollars. You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and, where are you going?"
Homer: "Dad, we'd love to stay here and listen to your amusing antidote, but we have to take these coins to the mall and spend em!"
[story continues at the mall]
Grampa: "Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called baseball."
Don't kill me, I've got a wife and kids... kill them.
Insurance Man: Cause of parent's death?
Burns: They got in my way...
Marge: But, Homer, you sign my name on things all the time
Homer: Yes, but this isn't like a loan application or a will...
That's pretty amusing. Anyone got the wuote from that?
"If he can teach a class, HE can teach a class! I mean I can teach a class!"
"All right, here's the four-one-one, folks. Say some gangster is dissing your fly-girl. You just give him one of these..." and he starts break dancing and then fires a machine gun in the air.
"You will respect your new mother! Now give her a kiss! Kiss herrrrrr!
"eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding etc"
"for you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First you get the skin, then the sweet sweet innards....."
"the eating of an orange is a lot like a good marriage"......"just eat the damn oranges!"
"Nothing for me today, I've got a class to teach!"......"Sir it's a felony to tease the box"
Crying Child: "I'd like my big brother to come along instead"
Flanders: "I'm sorry but Ernest Borgnine has already been booked."
Homer: "Here fishy fishy"
<fish swims away with bait and untied line>
Homer: "He'll be back"
"This isn't one of your church picnic flare gun firings!"
<shoots down rescue plane with flare>
Don't do what Donny Don't Does.
"They could have made this clearer"
"Egg-head likes his booky book!"
Dunderlinger: Sorry I'm late, class. My wife recently passed away and I thought teaching would help ease my pain...
Homer: Will this be on the test?
*Homer erases 'Dead Wife' from his piece of paper*
Scorpio: Say Homer, which country do you like the least, Italy or France?
Scorpio: Haha! Noone ever says Italy.
Homer: Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!
Bart: Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs.
Homer: Pfft. I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.
Salesman: Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. Those are all superior machines. But if you like to watch your TV, and I mean really watch it, you want the Carnivale. It features two-pronged wall plug, pre-molded hand grip well, durable outer casing to prevent fallapart...
Homer: Sold. You wrap it up, I'll start bringing in the pennies
Ralph: [Concluding an essay he wrote] …and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Miss Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
Skinner: All right, first academic alert: Wiggum, Ralph.
Ralph: I won, I won! <walks on stage>
Skinner: No no, Ralph, this means you're failing English.
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!
Miss Hoover: Okay class, time to dissect our worms. (Class cheers) <Miss Hoover places a worm in a pan before Lisa.> First pin them down so they don't fly up and hit you in the eye.
Ralph: Umm, Miss Hoover?
Miss Hoover: Yes Ralph, what is it?
Ralph: My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it... Can I have another one?
Miss Hoover: No Ralph, there aren't any more... (shaking her head) Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
Ralph: Oh boy... Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
Wolfcastle: "That is some outfit, Scowy, it makes you look like a homosexual!"
Wolcastle: "Oh, maybe you all are homosexuals!"
Guy: "FORGET ABOUT THE TRAINING! WHEN DO WE GET THE FREAKIN' GUNS?!"
Wiggum: "I told you already, no gun for you until you tell me your name!"
Guy: "AH, I'VE HAD IT UP HERE WITH YA "RUU-AALS" *storms off*"
"Women, always have trouble with the wall. They never seem to find the door."
(Or something like that)
Burns: how you you like it if i start sniffing and dribblering your crouch
Smither: if it was you sir
(smithers computer with a virual mr burns)
Mr burns: hello mr smithers your good at turing me on
would've passsed the Turing Test.
Suspect is hatless...I repeat hatless..
hope they throw his hatless butt in jail!
Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."
Comic Book Guy: Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.