There's this temp at work, right (stay with me, stay with me), and he chews gum.
No problem there you might think. Except that quite often the sound of him chewing this gum is the only sound I can hear. It's a quiet office, but I think I just amplify the sound in my brain until I am filled with incoherent rage. Which I bottle up, natch.
Other relevant factors: he has just given up smoking, so he has a valid reason for chewing. Also, he has a tendency, once a particular piece of gum has been chewed for a while, to chew it reaaaallly loudly, in an effort to get out the last dregs of flavour.
All I want to do is release the pent-up rage seething inside of me and scream: 'SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!' and push him out of his chair. Maybe throw a few files at him. However, I don't think this is socially acceptable.
I also think that if I tell him to stop chewing gum a)everyone will think I'm a mentalist and b) the temp may start smoking again.
HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME
I'm not mental.