1. Thanks to Tesco, I'm sitting in front of a bloody computer instead of heading to Bright Eyes due to their shitty manky food and what it's done to my tummy.

2. Hello Mr. Amazon, yes I know I've shown an interest in Interpol before, but no, I don't want to buy 'our love to admire' for £14.99. Last time I checked, I didn't have 'MUG' tattoed across my forehead.

That's all. Thanks for listening.