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umm, 13 yr old boy. Any advice?
also, it sucks. HUGZ4HIM.
i dunno. it just generally is a bit rubbish for everyone involved.
just make sure he doesn't feel like he's being forgotten about or ignored.
srsly, i am sorry to hear that you have to deal with such a situation, and have no advice to add.
i had to have anger management counselling. weeeeeee!
and thats worse than having ones that dont talk.
his dad's going to get a flat nearby.
Fucking shit. I really don't know what to say to him.
argh, am being such a fucktard today.
he knows there's someone he can talk to if he wants. And don't patronise him, let him know what's going on.
and im fine, honest.
this happened to me when i was a bit older, 15 I think, though I could tell it would happen when I was 13. In fact i can pinpoint the exact moment I knew it would happen. my parents promised they'd still be friends. i'm still really really really angry and bitter that they're not. My mum still lives round the corner though.
Anyway, you should tell the boy that even if everything looks awful and stupid, that EVENTUALLY everything will be ok. You have to be realistic though. Things might not be OK for 6 weeks and they might not be OK for 6 months or even 6 years, but honestly, one day, things will be OK. You should also tell him that his parents still love him, I know that sounds really sentimental, but I worried that I was somehow responsible, stupid I know.
It's difficult to say much more without knowing more details, but you should just be there to listen, to hug, and to put up with huge moodiness and things....
that these things are their fault. I forgot that. Ty.
thats what my dad did...
We were gonna get a dog anyway, and we planned to go on the day they told me they were splitting up.
Thinking back on it, it was actually really funny:
Me(as 11 year old):"dad, can we go and get the dog today pweeeeeeeease?"
Me: "Mum, why are you looking at dad like that?" (they had obviously had disagreements about the dog)
My dad: "....Your mum and I are splitting up"
Me: "wwaaaaaaaaaah =*("
The best way to deal with it i think is to let them come to their own conclusions. My dad was mature about it and didnt try and bias me against my mum. My mum on the other hand... Made me very confused.
Anyway, my mum lives about 15 minutes walk away, though I hardly ever see her. Only for a few days a month or something. Cant remember the last time I saw her.
So... Dont do what they did, i guess.
i feel really sad that I don't see mine enough and mums are GREAT!
i totally got a kitten about a week before my parents split up.
but go see your mum! i spend 50% of my time with each, which is nice but also tiring as i'm constantly moving. but anyway! go & see your mum!
it's your Mum.
don't tell me the dog was a good trade for seeing your Mum. she'd probably be really happy to see you as well.
she doesent seem that bothered.
I should get a livejournal...
you fool! she's your mum.
seriously, you should go visit her.
I turned into what I am today.
Not a good sign...
My parents divorced when I was seven - but my mum's relationships post-marriage and their subsequent break-ups and fights have been upsetting enough. Oh, and I hardly see my dad anymore.
One good thing though - Double Christmas and birthday!
I don't honestly have any reasonable advice apart from to tell him to keep occupied. This helps.
i was lucky in that ever since my parents broke up, things have been completely stable between my parents and their new partners.
i only get one Christmas and one birthday; full of awkward silences they are too! hooray.
My mums boyfriends have been funny as hell.
The first one was an alcoholic and sponged off her for about 3 months before finally coming up to me and my brothers room one night and shouting at us and pushing us about, ending in him smashing up my brothers laptop for "disrespecting" him and my mum.
Anyway, my mum told him not to come back, and we claimed the insurance on the laptop and got a shiny new imac. win/win.
see, my mum's boyfriend lets me come stay with him in london and takes me to see nice things and buys me books and draws me pictures and cooks nice food and is kind to my mym and is generally pretty nice.
but it still didn't stop me from hating him for the first 5 or so years, and being massively resentful.
My mum's first was a drug-addict. Those trips to hospital after his drug-induced injuries were fun. Oh, and one that had a bit of a 'temper'. Physical violence was the answer to all the arguments. Luckily she's found a decent bloke now.
is that my parents will never get new partners and will die in loneliness and obscurity. especially my dad. i get quite upset about it.
i too only get one christmas and birthday, and they refuse to be in the same room even for that. i have to do the travelling
and even if that does happen, he'll still have you and your sister.
but he hardly has ANY friends and isn't exactly super buff! and i think he gets lonely.
i don't wanna go to uni because he'll get lonely :(
unless he wants to marry an old lady.
he can't til my sister has finished school. i think he might then.
he's not really the sort of person who goes out either! where can he find a lady!!?!
walking the dog in the park?
hanging about supermarkets...?
sending a message in a bottle?
having you act as matchmaker?
parent teacher evenings? um.
running for election on the local council...?
going to the library and pestering people?
going to concerts?
CHURCH! you think my dad is religious! LOLLL
hey would you sex my dad if you were 55?
It was pretty horrible.
I don't think there's any advice you can give, just be there to listen to him if he wants to talk.
they're both pretty grown up parents so hopefully there's not going to be much danger of them having massive rows in front of them/turning the kids against each other (there's a 9 year old boy too).
I guess I should consider myself lucky that I was 3 when it happened to me.
Things just literally feel like the end of the world to a kid though don't they? I don't even live close to them so I can't see him that easily, but I will make a massive effort to talk to him more often, even if just by text.
Pah. Depressed. Bedtime I think.
and trying to be a friend to him, as that's probably just what he needs; someone to remind him he still has friends, and someone to cheer him up a little.
that's why it's so important to emphasise that things will be ok.
even grown up parents can be incredibly immature though. my parents were and still are.
im not very good with situations that can't be resolved by hitting someone with a Burning Hammer.
13 is a bad age for most lads, so try to break it on a good day. probably best to treat him as much of an adult as possible, at that age he'll know all about that shit from friends (well, i did) so sugarcoating things will probably make things worse.
but this is from my point of view, not yours (is it you that is getting divorced?)
I didn't even notice that much of a difference, to be honest.
My chipmuks had given birth, and I needed to look after the albino one. I spent days on end lying down in their cage making sure it didn't fall.
They've been together since she was 17 :-/
although it was his 3rd wife and my mum was already long dead
as that they stayed together so long even though they evidently hated each other, as a facade, worried that telling me and my sister that they were splitting up would drive us both to early depression or something. So i think you should tell him that this way they'll both be happier.
unfortunately i wasn't at home to give him sisterly advice etc.
but, the most you can do is explain the situation fully to them, make sure they know it's not their fault - as many kids tend to blame themselves.
In some ways, I think it's great sharing time between their houses. It makes a nice change.
But they divorced when I was 5-ish, so growing up it's always seemed normal to me. Most of my friends parents are divorced too, I guess.