my flatmate heared me wanking...
and spread it all round uni
i actually feel like dying 2nite. Just drank myself stupid to foegot.
fucking birtch
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he spread it all round uni?
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
it was a girl
so much worse
just had the worst time @ the pub sonce school
i meant literally
you clearly didn't
NO NEED
like the little
boy in 'the squid and the whale' film.
Boys wank?!
:'( the liars!
I've never looked at my own penis
let alone touched it
I got arrested for exposing myself to children
Mannequins are exempt from this charge.
Did you ask them to look for you
and to report back what was there (or not)?
Yes
I told them their teachers had told me that it was an 'extra credit' assignment.
it's so true.
surely it's not a big deal
Unless he was screaming
constantly while doing it.
What's the problem?
It is kinda funny, yeah (nobody likes to be heard wanking - also, it's worth asking: How fucking loud are you?!)
Laugh it off, it's not a problem. Failing that, cum on her toothbrush as revenge. That'll learn her
just say so what?
theres not a single person who was taking the piss there that hasnt wanked themselves
^ wanker
i obviously dont wank myself
disgusting habit
Yeah, get someone else to do it
like the maid.
What's the problem?
easy to say
but having the piss ripped all night = not so much fun. it'll be fine soon though
^^^^
This
no.
nah, i don't get it.
"lol, someone heard you wanking"
"... yeah, so what?"
END OF PISS-TAKING.
how embarassing
http://www.bio.umass.edu/biology/conn.river/plant_images/birch5.jpg
This thread
is funny
:D
wasn't me
was load porn. Im kinda just basking in anonimity
You weren't
talking dirty to yourself, were you?
You watch porn too?!
I feel sick
No, wanky.
etcetc
Anonimity?
Hi Phil.
Glad to here you've really changed!
I've never done this before, but
^potd
i think
he must have thought we'll sympathise with him because as we're on a messageboard we must be wankers.
So in a roundabout way, he's calling you all of us a wanker.
How d'we like them apples?
DO YOU LIKE APPLES?
Pretty much.
this doesn't work so well over the internet.
Oh.
This guy in my friends hall
got caught wanking on the toilet, with the door unlocked, and open in front of him, by a girl. We occassionally see him around, and when we do, we turn to each other and say 'see that guy yeah? Hes a complete wanker he is'.
Dont fuck birch, its not good for you. PLAN REVENGE.
Its done in the deepest of irony
so yeah!
Irony because
really you're all wankers?
In a way...
We were wankers for using irony in the first place.
You were fucking a birtch?
No wonder you GOT WOOD
AHAHAHAHAH
Zing
Im here till thursday. try the scampi.
Hang on
how much noise were you making?!
"Yeah, I'm gonna cum.
Oh MAN, I'm so fucking hot right now. Do it, do it harder. WANK ME, BITCH"
This wins my POTD
ha ha
last year this guy from my course came back to my house after a night out and passed out so I put a blanket over him. Then, at about 6 in the morning when everyone else was leaving we noticed he was wanking under the blanket. We took the piss and told everyone we knew
God i have so many of these
having gone to boarding school. We onc told another kid he had gonnohreha (sic) because his ejaculate was white. He beleived us and ran to the sanatorium. Gullible kids were born to be bullied.
sanatorium?
for a lobotomy?
What uni are you at?
Just say that you were massaging your cheeks.
Works for me.
I was
locked up in a cell with a shameless Vietnamese kid who'd jack-off - in the middle of the day! - whilst humming the theme to the Godfather. Day after day. Sometimes twice a day. Always humming the Godfather theme.
Part of my wanted to laugh. But the other part of me punched him in the face.
hahah
locked up for what may i ask?
or was that a quote?
indecent exposure
I'd hazard a guess.
I only ask
becase it may have been part of the punishment...
Judge:"The condemend is sentenced to 40 days of prision with vietnamese godfather fetish boy"
OceanRain:"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Him or me?
His English was worse than someone from Newcastle. So I don't know.
Me? I went to prison for possession of a controlled substance. Turns out heroin is illegal. Go figure.
I don't know what you mean by "was that a quote."
that carries a fairly hefty sentence in the states, right?
naah i thought it might have been from some crime drama
still you reminde me of this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBccqoJ2LDs
No really
that's a true story. It's funny...erm, now.
You'll catch me telling "funny/scary/crazy shit that happened while I was in prison" stories often enough, I suspect.
jiminy jeepers
how'd I miss this beauty of a thread?
condolences my man.
heard you?!
what were you doing? yelling as you came? thumping the headboard against the wall for adding sexing noise?
I think he might have doing what I like to call
'living the dream'.
spanking the monkey
is one of lifes little treats that truly is free,enjoy it and lock the fucking door next time.
"Spanking the monkey"
Ha! Reminds me of another fun prison story.
In a dorm, there was this border brother Mexican - what is it about non-English speaking guys and public masterbation? - and he would put his farmer straw hat over his privates and do his thing. Before God and everybody!
So showing more restraint than I had (which was kinda alright because he really wasn't all there, know what I mean?) the fellas went and told the cops about him.
The cop walks up to the guy mid-stroke and says, "You can't be spanking your monkey now."
I swear to God! Funny as shit. But the guy doesn't speak English so he's got no idea what's going on. The cop then says, "roll up his shit he's going to the hole." hahaha!!
..
You should have shanked him. Right in the grill.
How noisy can wanking be??
sorry? what did you say?
can't hear you over this din
like you ever have to wank.
what the hell is that supposed to mean?
??????
i'd imagine
that you'd have no difficulty finding a 'lady friend' if you ever felt the...um...urge
are you saying swedish girls are easy?
she was called 'kaisa', by the way.
you sure she wasn't Finnish then?
but hey...
sometimes a wank isn't just about having to - sometimes it's about wanting to
she lives in stockholm.
so, i don't think so.
fair enough
but Kaisa is generally the Finnish variant and Kajsa the Swedish spelling - maybe one of her folks is Finnish, or her grandma or something
did you get her number?
I guess that's a no
no, i did.
score
Please
don't say you're humming the Godfather theme.
..
Just spread the word that you heard her having a lady wank, to cancel it out, like.
^ This, despite being the bastards way out,
is actually the best course of action suggested on this thread
laugh it off
then start saying her name every time your masturbate forthwith loud enough so she can hear, in the manner of Steve Coogan in Three Fights Two Weddings and a Funeral, interspersed with phrases such as "knife" and "very gradual".
Someone once wrote into an agony aunt column about this...
...her response was that unless the person/people mocking you are in a niche of about 1%, you are surrounded by hypocrites.
I, of course, have never done it myself. Oh no. Nor has anyone else reading this.
(i.e. chill out)
she might...
be interested now!
that's what i was thinking
if she likes the thought of you wanking enough to talk about it to loads of people, she probably wants some action
but i have to say....
you must have a very loud wank action, if she heard you, or maybe she was at the door looking through the gap!
we've been through this!
he was watching porn and the volume was up a bit too much
The least she could
have done was offer to help out.
A head peeps round the door. A mischievous glint in her eye: "Perhaps I can.. give you a hand with that?"
Note to self: consider career as writer of erotic novellas.
You'd get sued by the writers of American Pie
Only 97 replies (98 now)?
I just can't reconcile the thread title with the post count.
a 100-reply thread back then was pretty rare
Sticky, ha ha! Very good somebody