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TOP 3 Best Heckles You've Ever Heard/Made

sean [Edit] [Delete] 63 replies 16:42, 12 April '07

"that was beautiful, I love you!"
@ Joanna Newsom gig but it was funny cus the girl shouting sounded like she was having an orgasm and Joanna didn't know what to do with herself.

"liiiiiiiike eating ASS!!"
@ Bloc Party at Astoria

"does everything sound ok?"
"MORE STOOL!"
@ Bright Eyes at Boogaloo. It was me... Mike Mogis was miming onstage playing a stool.

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"play the one the drummer knows"

@ every band I ever didn't like.

restlessboy | 12 Apr '07, 16:43 | X
- ...
  
  No chance of anyone getting revenge on you then? ;)
  
  Stealthy @restlessboy | 12 Apr '07, 16:53 | X
  - "play the one that doesn't feature
    
    an obscenely complex and tedious slap bass solo"
    
    restlessboy @Stealthy | 12 Apr '07, 17:07 | X
    - :''(
      
      alcxxk @restlessboy | 12 Apr '07, 17:15 | X
    - ...
      
      That's all of them. YOU ARE GUTTED. GUTTED!
      
      Stealthy @restlessboy | 12 Apr '07, 19:20 | X
"fuck off.... you're shit"

to mohobishopi

"who throws an apple... rubbish wanker"

dani filth to apple thrower

-Raz- | 12 Apr '07, 16:49 | X
..

"bearsuit make life more pleasurable!"
done by colin roberts

can't remember any others. i'm sure i've heard some more funny ones though.

ultimate champion: the guy who, when bono was clapping his hands to illustrate how often someone dies from aids, piped up with "WELL STOP FUCKING CLAPPING THEN."

fishplums | 12 Apr '07, 16:51 | X
it wasn't mogis it was jim james

ThingsThatFly | 12 Apr '07, 16:51 | X
"Play some songs!"

To The Good The Bad and the Queen.

NB. I wasn't actually there

moribund | 12 Apr '07, 16:52 | X
At comedy gig just after christmas

Comedian to member of audience: So did santa come?

Bloke: Yeah, all over your ma's back

Well it funny at the time.

cunt | 12 Apr '07, 16:53 | X
still funny

unless he'd moved on to something else

cunt @hollywood_freak | 12 Apr '07, 16:58 | X
- haha
  
  brilliant
  
  sophiacherryx @hollywood_freak | 12 Apr '07, 17:44 | X
- lol
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDT70X31T2c&mode=related&search=
  
  Thom_fa | 12 Apr '07, 16:56 | X
  - "The guitarist has the fattest ass!"
    
    my friend yelled out at an Angelica gig a few years ago.
    
    It was at the Garage.
    
    We were at the front of the stage.
    
    She heard and shot him a real dirty look!
    
    We laughed.
    
    tre_cools_sticks @Thom_fa | 12 Apr '07, 16:58 | X
- my friend at Dillinger Escape Plan
  
  She said "do a poo in a plastic bag and throw it at us"
  
  Frontman said "not today".
  
  Not really a heckle.
  
  doctornovocalcords | 12 Apr '07, 16:58 | X
- cue stealthy:
  
  at rubbish gig, between song:
  
  "play something good"
  
  meths | 12 Apr '07, 17:02 | X
  - ...
    
    You could have also chosen:
    
    "When I get home, I'm going to badmouth you on the internet." - I can't remember which band.
    
    "Who likes the Smiths?"
    "I don't."
    "Oh... well, I'm gonna play a Smiths cover."
    "I won't listen."
    "[starts strumming guitar]"
    "LALALALALALALALALA, I'm not listening."
    
    Or, while watching Kinesis: "Send transmission, one armed scissor..." to the tune of one of their songs which sounded like One Armed Scissor.
    
    Or, while listening to some singer songwriter dude ramble on for 5 minutes about what the song he was going to play was about: "SING, BITCH!" In honour of Bill Bailey.
    
    I'm not proud of any of these.
    
    Stealthy @meths | 12 Apr '07, 19:12 | X
- I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
  
  I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!
  
  me, to Rick Witter.
  
  I'm not proud. Well, maybe a little.
  
  thewarn | 12 Apr '07, 17:05 | X
  - "I'M GONNA KILL YOU,
    
    I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU"
    
    me, to thewarn, circa 2006
    
    meths @thewarn | 12 Apr '07, 17:07 | X
    - Proud?
      
      RACE ME
      
      thewarn @meths | 12 Apr '07, 17:07 | X
- every band
  
  for the past two years
  
  JAMIE SAMPLE!!!
  
  elainepaige | 12 Apr '07, 17:08 | X
- 'speak up love'
  
  to the main singer girl in mum. She kept doing her silly whispery quiet i'm so shy voice inbetween every song. It was very funny.
  
  smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:14 | X
  - .
    
    Me and a friend were watching a band called the clients, featuring an ex-member of shed 7. It went really quiet my friend shouted:
    
    'Which one of you c*unts is Rik Witter?'
    
    - To which they all looked embarassed.
    
    Also, watching Selfish c*nt my friend shouted, (ala nathan Barley); 'terrorists are gay' as their performance reminded him of that sketch. To this someone else shouted 'So sing brother nathan'...
    
    Trust me, it was all jokes.
    
    tiernan @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:19 | X
    - oh no
      
      i forgot the night me and colin shouted "CUNT!" as if we were playing bollocks at selfish cunt, he got really annoyed and tried to punch us. we laughed even more.
      
      sean @tiernan | 12 Apr '07, 17:54 | X
  - dont forget
    
    'when you're ready!'
    
    to ryan adams. on the bootleg i have of the bush hall gig (that was you right?)
    
    Jamie_Summers @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:26 | X
    - Hahaha
      
      That wasn't me! My friends made me sit in the bar at Bush Hall for a Barbarossa gig once coz I got there a little tipsy and was being too rowdy :(
      
      smilingcrazylady @Jamie_Summers | 12 Apr '07, 17:31 | X
      - hmmmm
        
        twas someone on here. maybe maz in the sky actually! then ryan adams and neal casal have a little chat about how sarcastic she is. quite funny.
        
        Jamie_Summers @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:42 | X
        
        the
        
        gateshead show iwas at was a hecklers delight. mainly because he was off his face and an hour late onstage...
        
        elainepaige @Jamie_Summers | 12 Apr '07, 21:07 | X
- "MARRY ME"
  
  To all members of The Futureheads at Truck 06. Don't think they heard me tho, hehe
  
  branka_s | 12 Apr '07, 17:20 | X
  - I probably drowned you out
    
    with projectile vomit noises..
    
    I got very drunk watching iLiKETRAiNs at the Barfly once and made the RRrrrrrrrrrr- yummy song in a very very quiet moment. I don't know which of us was more embarassed..
    
    smilingcrazylady @branka_s | 12 Apr '07, 17:23 | X
    - replace 'song'
      
      with 'noise'
      
      smilingcrazylady @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:24 | X
    - What about
      
      "Heenrraaaaaaaay, Maaaaaattheeeew.." at every Rumble Strips gig? "We loooove youuu.."
      
      Gosh, we're so fucking cool :)
      
      branka_s @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:25 | X
      - Haha
        
        yeah...
        
        smilingcrazylady @branka_s | 12 Apr '07, 17:26 | X
- "yeah so buy my stuff over there"-Frank turner
  
  "SELLOUT!!!!" - Drunk Me.
  
  lemonbrickcombo | 12 Apr '07, 17:22 | X
- Wasn't very good
  
  But I wolf-whistled at Aereogramme.
  
  For those who don't know what they look like, they're not a very pretty band: http://www.club-schocken.de/bin/AR991535.jpg
  
  The singer replied with something, can't remember what it was though.
  
  james_delve | 12 Apr '07, 17:26 | X
- Electric picnic 2 years ago
  
  James Blunt was playing the main stage and inbetween songs a large section of the crowd started canting 'cunt' in unison for about 2 mins. Funny cause it was on such a large scale
  
  cunt | 12 Apr '07, 17:29 | X
  - :)
    
    Good.
    
    When we were at Glastonbury we were tortured with fucking Beautiful continuously every morning before the bands started. Tis the least he deserves.
    
    smilingcrazylady @cunt | 12 Apr '07, 17:33 | X
    - someone
      
      had also went to the trouble of making a 'James Cunt' sign and stood near the front holding it up
      
      cunt @smilingcrazylady | 12 Apr '07, 17:34 | X
- At Beck's gig
  
  Someone shouted "Play Loser" to which Beck replied "Fuck off".
  
  branka_s | 12 Apr '07, 17:36 | X
  - I read about these in Chunklet
    
    "my balls, your face"
    to Cat Power
    
    "Shadow Ring!!!!!"
    to Harry Pussy
    
    Placid_Casual | 12 Apr '07, 17:37 | X
  - my favourite was
    
    at the ryan adams solo show in liverpool last year. while ryan was rambling through one of his lengthy stories, some guy with a really thick scouse accent shouted out "DO YOU EVEN WANT TO BE HERE?".
    
    ryan, sat on stage, looked puzzled for a few seconds, and said "do i want.. a... beer? yeah, sure, thanks!"
    
    :D
    
    guntrip | 12 Apr '07, 17:37 | X
  - The Lee Mack one from that heckle thread up there ^^^
    
    "I believe it was Lee Mack, who asked the crowd to guess what his career had been before he started doing stand up. The usual replies of milkman, accountant etc. until a lone voice shouts out "Comedian!" Mack stops the show, looks stunned and proceeds to give the guy credit for such a good heckle, that he really had no comeback, sharp wit and so on, all the while taking his shirt off and walking towards the back of the stage. He turns round to reveal the Tshirt he was wearing underneath, bearing the slogan 'one wanker always says comedian'"
    
    dove_from_above | 12 Apr '07, 17:38 | X
    - "slag"
      
      at a derby county game when the queen mother just died and the one minute silence was happening.
      
      loamiathon @dove_from_above | 12 Apr '07, 17:55 | X
  - FREEBIRD!!!
    
    FREEEEEEBIRD!
    
    Jordan_229_2 | 12 Apr '07, 17:54 | X
    - Hitler had the right idea! He was just an underachiever!
      
      I'm sorry you had to see that.
      
      ---
      
      I was just listening to that at work. Bill Hicks for Pope!
      
      hexagram @Jordan_229_2 | 12 Apr '07, 18:16 | X
  - "CHARLIE HAVE MY BABIES!"
    
    unfortunately i couldn't see the band and i didnt know there were two supports.
    it wasn't fightstar on stage : (
    
    sophiacherryx | 12 Apr '07, 17:56 | X
    - From me to Seafood, supporting JEW at the Astoria in 2001
      
      "When's the support band on?"
      
      and when the singer put on a t shirt saying 'Jesus can't skate'
      
      "Of course he can't, they didn't have skateboards in Ancient Israel. As an aside, he's also dead"
      
      They were having a bad night, and their badness offended me. Most of the time I'd never agree with such behaviour.
      
      But my fave
      
      "PLAY A FUCKING SONG!" - everyone at Statistics @ Underworld in Dec 2005
      
      Here's a list of his retorts
      
      What's that, you want to see me balance my guitar on the edge of my chin
      
      Sorry I can't hear you, say again? x12
      
      9/11 REMIX!
      
      When I say Hola, you say CAUST! HOLA!
      
      I know I'm supposed to care because like oooo it's London and it's such a big deal, but I just don't give a fuck.
      
      Hey, I know Conor Obrest
      
      What's that, you want to see me do 10 one handed press ups? Ok!
      
      LordLuciusBanter | 12 Apr '07, 18:05 | X
      - weird, im listening to them right now
        
        'sing a song' is a tune. as is reminisce.
        
        for shame
        
        Jordan_229_2 @LordLuciusBanter | 12 Apr '07, 18:17 | X
        
        I love their music
        
        And when they actually played songs they were good. But they played 6. In 45 minutes.
        
        LordLuciusBanter @Jordan_229_2 | 12 Apr '07, 18:19 | X
        
        at
        
        the Joe Calzaghe v Charles brewer fight, Brewer was taking some heavy punishment and some guy behind me screamed 'GO ON JOE, BREWERS DROOPING'
        
        Also my mates dad went to see chubby brown apparently and he got up for a piss and chubby made a bit of a spectacle of him and my mates dad shouted 'you want to make me laugh, lets see you try to do a press up you fat cunt'....and apparently chubbs did like it!!
        
        Tuco @LordLuciusBanter | 12 Apr '07, 18:23 | X
        
        As Damen Albarn got on stage once
        
        at some Albert Hall gig (can't remember why) before anyone said anything my mate shouted out "YOU'RE A CUNT!" which is great, because you know, he's a total cunt.
        
        moker @Tuco | 12 Apr '07, 18:44 | X
    - "play a drum solo we all know"
      
      grundylezimbra | 12 Apr '07, 18:40 | X
    - You heckled someone while they were trying to play a gig?
      
      You should be ashamed of yourself.
      
      thommo | 12 Apr '07, 19:07 | X
    - "I WANT A CORNETTO!"
      
      in response to some chick shouting "I WANT YOUR BABIES" at some gig, sometime.
      
      It was funny at the time.
      
      JustJay | 12 Apr '07, 19:25 | X
      - " do you and your mate want to get up onstage and sit behind me to finish your chat? Twats.
        
        erm this was baby bird in 1995 at the Lomax, Liverpool. Unbelievably he wasn't referring to me.
        
        prole-art-threat @JustJay | 12 Apr '07, 21:09 | X
    - Me and Bez.
      
      @ Editors
      
      "Play Love Will Tear Us Apart you boring bastards."
      
      We were on the front row, and their set opening for Franz was so dreary, it served them right. The guitarists stared at us with COLD eyes.
      
      wrightylew | 12 Apr '07, 21:34 | X

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