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Bonus points if you have actualy used it.
the very idea that theres some magical sentence that, once said to woman, makes her automatically want to sleep with you, is ridiculous.
but still, reading them is funny.
I didn't use this.
because you're well fit!!!!11!!1!!
do you get for taht one you just told me?
and do you get bonus points for emailing it across the room?
'can i buy you a drink?'
I went to a gig with a girl once who accepted drinks from some older bloke all night - he was seemingly oblivious to the fact that she was going to drink all his money then go home with me. His face when she said "OK, bye then" and skipped off was an absolute picture.
about a week later she stopped returning my calls and that was that. She never paid me for the bloody Kraftwerk ticket, either.
Old guys dancing always get the ladies. There was one at our club last weekend who looked like he'd died and gone to heaven.
"D'you wanner drink?" is better, especially when slightly slurred.
i just think it's pretty terrible as an opening line.
I'd never ask someone if they wanted a drink unless I'd been talking to them for at least a couple of minutes, and wanted one myself
to mumble a 'hello', or similar greeting, first.
offer to buy a girl who I don't know a drink
'do you want a drink?' is possibly of use a bit of a way into a conversation but it is never a conversation opener.
i think there's probably not much of a case for offering to buy a girl a drink at all, to be honest..
surely it's something that comes out after an opening gambit, to see if there's any real interest?
.... why the fuck am i sharing my thoughts on this subject?
back to your scheduled programming, everyone.
we need to share the secrets of your success.
No? Actually you're right, I don't know why ;)
But once a girl came up and asked if the chair next to me was taken.
I replied "Yes, but you're welcome to sit here!" And patted my lap vigorously.
She just turned round and walked off :(
she didn't :(
bet she did really...
do you think that's where I went wrong?
could have gone the whole hog and bought both. And maybe some Tic Tacs. Although no-one likes desperation
sniff here! *offers rag* see!
to a girl
"what's your favourite town in north wales out of prestatyn and rhyl?'
and she said "I'M FROM PRESTATYN!"
and i said "OMG! I'M FROM RHYL!"
"really?" "no, not really"
but, i did speak to her for a good while after that.
Is that true? amazing.
or was it amazing coincidence?
you sly dog.
my contribution is:
do you often suck seed in life?
i have never used that. i never will.
who she was. it was a remarkable coincidence.
my friends later nicknamed her 'Ugly Welsh Laura'. Which was cruel.
seriously, though ...
there's been only one time since that i've approached a strange lady when out and about
it's only funny if you're my former housemate Neil and you like to observe my suffering.
basically, i went up to this girl and said 'is it ok if i say hello?' and she said 'no'.
i thought, ooooh, half way through lighting up she said i could go now.
women are fucking nasty.
let's get a civil partnership.
wrightylew who suggested that a few days ago?
maybe he could be best non-gender specific person of honour.
i'll start, did she only have one arm or was it thaty she had no vagina?
could at least offer to buy me a drink first
"i'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me"
Good, 'cos I need a sit down...
my some bloke once said to me 'i thought smoking was bad for your chest'
was when I was at Rota and some girl asked me "Do you go to St Martin's?"
i like this one
i go for the more substantial and subtle ones like 'hey do you want to come back to mine for a fuck and a pizza?'
you this way
but my mate says his scottish mate went up to a girl in the pub and said
" Look, I'm nae gonna fuck around, just tell me, do ya take it up the brown?"
Apparently she found it quite funny.
that really makes it.
a mate of mine pulled an aussie in a club once. They were in a cab back to his when she said,'I've got the painters in mate, but you can do me up the shitter.'
This was actually used by someone in Borehamwood.
I would say it was me.
Why do I sound Australian in your head?
Me : I Have a magic watch it can tell me what colour underwear you are wearing.
Victim: Oh yea go one then !
(talks to watch)
Me: Watch tells me you are wearing no underwear!
Victim: wrong it's (whatever colour)
Me: (hits watch) Dam thing is an hour fast.
Disclaimer: i have been in a long term relationship for 7 years and have never used this.
see if it works.
and asked a girl in a bar if he could "tickle her uterus"
i love that guy
then maul their toddler and piss on their leg.
a bit too much.
A mate of mine went up to 2 girls in a bar and says to one "ever been with an astronaut?", she ignores him so he turns to her mate and says "So, ya ever been with an olympic gold medalist?"
Well I guess you had to be there
But at a party once, I was walking around with a half emptied wine bottle in my hand, with my eyes hopelessly trying to keep themselves open while I was trying to hold on to the last of my rational thoughts that were being submerged by the alcohol, and I said:
"You know, I could use someone half-attractive to walk home with".
It wasn't even intended as a chat-up line, but now it just seems pathetic.
"How are you at conversation?"
"are you tucking? I don't believe you, show me"
"I'm a scholar in the fred west school of seduction"
"I have a return of the jedi duvet cover, you wanna see it?"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, give me a handjob"
Get your coat, Ive got a knife.
*note - am buying one and actually do plan on using the above line. Deffo.
and has space for table football... I'm getting one... And am going to use that line. Who could resist???
perhaps you could write a column for the london paper's 'dating' section about it?
(shouted over loud club music)
"Hello I hear youre a bit of a maneater.....what are you drinking?"
i'll knee your creak anyday!"
or so i would have imagined it going.
"Hello you look lovely, can I buy you a drink"
and "I love the way you move when you dance, what would you like to drink"
and "Hello my names Barry (for that is me)whats yours?" (you see it gives the woman the chance to make a little joke herself...you know like 'gin and tonic please')
and "Hello, Im really happy now" woman "why" "beacause Im gonna be dancing with the most beautiful woman in the club, shall we"
all of these are terrible maybe, but they have all worked fine, of course it is true chat up lines made into jokes are worse and are insulting, but since you do have to say something, you do kind of have to think about what you are saying
'scuse me miss, miss I believe that you've just stolen something'
or like on blackadder
'life without you is like a broken pencil'
but never have done
If there was a bunch of women and I was with a group of lads, I would sometimes go up to talk to the women and say that one of my mates fancied them, (or their mate ) (Id pick the worst looking bloke) and then say something like 'look sorry I know its really cheeky and I feel really embarrissed by all of this....etc etc etc (Of course my mates would not have asked me to go over at all......again this sort of tactic semed very successful)
Of course you only really need tactics and chat up lines if you feel you lack confidence, otherwise you just start talking to people, I thing the birth of chat iup lines came from loud music and the idea of only haveing the chance to use one shouted sentence.
are probalbly not my style I mean they are a bit too crude....a bit too cocky, a bit too presumptuous......cheekyness and presumptuousness that you are charming is acceptable and they might want a brief laugh with you is ok, but the assumption that the woman will go further with you seems a bit wrong.
"Hello. I'm Gary Glitter."
This works unless their parents object.
I need a HUG.
Space Marines or Dark Eldar?
If you don't go with me I'll hang around near by and it will be really awkward.
Do you mind putting ointment on my rash?
I see someone else is playing the part of fit one's mate.
Fancy a bitter?
My mate reckons you're a carpet diver but I don't think you are. Do you like Pokemon?
Twenty seconds of bad sex or statutory rape. Your choice.
but I know someone that does. "Do you keep hamsters? Well you should, they're lovely animals."
"Do you want a drink? Ok, so i can see your fanny now then?" She left with my best friend. Tragic.
where's it from?
'oh you're not drinking WATER are you??'
I was waiting on a taxi home from a club and a guy came up and asked if he could share with me. I pointed out that he didn't know where I lived, therefore it might be pointless. He then says that in that case I should probably just stay over at his. I had never even spoken to him before. Did he really expect me to just say yeah, alright? Especially considering he wasn't really attractive...