By Josh Graham
im not talking about "girls" in the way that people would sometimes refer to "young women", im talking about 13 or 14 year old girls.
Surely the most cretinous things ever?
I was walking down the street past a group of such girls, with my hood up, when suddenly a particularly loud and cocky member of the group (presumeably the matriarch) seized my hoody by its non-existent and screamed "oi mate!" in my face.
I hit her arm away in a backhand motion, and continued to walk, trying hard to disguise the SEERING RAGE as I pressed on through and ignored them.
I thought I was out of the woods, when suddenly the matriarch swooped past me and ripped my hood down, cackling as she joined another group in front of me.
At this point I put my hand in my pocket to grab my house key, which is usually only done when I see a shady character walking in the opposite direction at night, reserved because of its serated edge and flesh-tearing qualities. I practiced my threatening voice in my head("I swear if you touch me ONE more time I WILL CUT YOU"), though the malice was muted by my sheer AFRONTEDNESS(and cowardice).
Another attempt to pull down my hood, another back hand swat and I thought I had escaped, but the matriarch had enlisted support from a minion, and the distraction had worked, the pincer movement was executed swiftly, and my hood was down again.
In defiance, I made a strategic retreat(ran away) by turning at the next possible corner, only to be persued about 50 metres down the pavement.
I turned around to see the matriarch mimicking my deft yet somewhat lacking backhand swipe motion, and their screeching echoed in the distance as I walked away, what little pride I had trailing behind me.
I died a little inside today, you?