Funny dogs
today I saw a dog running along the pavement, all by itself. There was nobody else around and it seemed to have real purpose in its run so I like to think it was out fighting crime or helping orphans, like Benji.
Anyway, it made me smile. Until I had visions of it being flattened by a lorry or spraypainted by some naughty schoolchildren.
There's not really much point to this thread, so I'll vainly try to give it one... marzipan? It's horrid, isn't it?
Oh and like, money! Relationships! Curse you modern life.
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There's a dog around my way that only walks sideways
a bit like a crab
i like mazipan
whenever i have it, which is about once a year. i never have any desire to have it any other time though.
maybe i don't really like it?
this one time, when i lived in palmer's green and worked in holborn and used to get buses home via finsbury park, i saw a small dog sprint across Seven Sisters Road, dodging between cars, and into Finsbury Park. it, too, seemed to have real purpose. maybe it's the same dog?
Did
it look like the sort of dog that could talk?
Hope you beat City in the replay, we can get our revenge on Mark Crossley then...
I was going to stop it
and get down to it's level to try and converse but I thought, 'what if someone is trapped down a hole?' my idle chit-chat could lose them valuable seconds.
I hope we turn City over too. A trip to Hillsborough could be on the cards.
Count me in :)
My nana has a pitbull
called Harley, he only has 3 legs but he can still catch rabbits.
Three-legged rabbits?
aren't they illegal?
he can't
catch rabbits. that's ridiculous. my dog (see picture) is seriously fast and a natural hunter but he can't catch up with a rabbit.
marzipan is horrid, yes
me and my sister fondly reminisced about Woof! the other day CLASSIC TV
My best mate
is good friends with the headmaster in Woof! He came down the pub with us once.
I like those marzipan fruits
whats the brown sticky herby thing they push into the apple?
a clove?
Ah yes!
Is it unusual to have a craving to eat playdoh. It's blue and it smells nice too.
Not once you've tried it.
It doesn't taste as good as it looks/feels.
It does.
It tastes salty. I love salt.
I've just eaten some
it's nice, I like it.
I used to
have a huge crush on Thomas Aldwinckle who played Roy, Eric's best mate in the first couple of seasons of Woof! I had all the books, sigh.
I love dogs and love the fact you started this thread
On the beach in Koh Samui I saw a dog digging... digging hard as though it's life depended on it. It flicked sand out from between his back legs which landed in drips and drabs on one man in particular who was sunbathing (in speedos, no less - another story). A crowd of people stood around this dog and I was on my usual sunset walk, ipod on, feet moving through shallow water. I walked up to the man in speedos and asked, 'What is the dog looking for?' and he replied, 'We are still waiting to find out.'
This dog did not stop digging. It was hilarious. I think it was natural instinct kicking in or something.
I love dogs. I LOVE THEM!
that's actually hilarious.
! heh!
I actually had private giggle value for the rest of my beach walk
which was about 1.5 hours. Truth.
When I was on on Koh Samui
the least convincing transexual I have ever seen grabbed my crotch and asked if I wanted some sex.
I politely declined.
and i asked really politely too
^timing
:D
Haha
they're funny. I would love to have a boxer dog, they're very boisterous. My mum's friend had one that collected yoghurt pots during a phantom pregnancy.
i used to have a female boxer dog
and she was so so sweet - but actually crazy. CRAZY. then she got shot.
Shot!
why???how??? :-(
she went on a sheep killing spree
with the neighbouring farms alsation. and the farmer has a legal right to shoot any dog that does that. even if he hadn't, she probably would have had to have been put down. :(
Aww
that's horrible. Poor boxer. :-(
yeah..... she was mental. MENTAL.
she used to chase my horse around the place and scare the crap out of her.
people
say it's like having a child to look after. But they're sooooo cute!
i dunno, she was quite easy.
only problem is she was a bit unhinged. but she was so so cute, and really friendly and playful. i think if they're trained properly they're fine, ours wasn't.
Did
she dribble lots? Apparently they flobby flob alot.
a teeny bit but no more so
than other dogs. she looked like this
http://www.kateconnick.com/postcards/boxer0605v.jpg
but was tiger striped. SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha
look at the teeth! Awww.
i know! mine used to do that.
god she was so cute. i want a boxer again.
ok
you get one and I'll babysit the cutey every so often. Woo!
i don't
like boxer dogs ....
do you like
my dog??
everyone likes my dog
he's amazing....
.
there's a little rat like dog that I see running around on my way back to my car from work. I call it Rat Dog.
Marzipan is the Devil's knob-cheese.
okay, I need more coffee.
:)
You're making me think about doing rude things to the devil.
hahaha
you're going to hell you freak!
are you sure it's not riding
a dog space-hopper?
that is quite funny, tom
oh thank you, rose.
this is a sad story
you should take it to the vet - it probably has testicular cancer
My
dad's dog is growing a huuuuge tumour on her back leg, he can't take her out in public places because people would point and puke. It's getting bigger, she'll be put down soon...as soon as she starts peeing sideways. :-(
when I was in Wales over Christmas
I saw two dogs playing frisbee. It was ace. Cats are better though.
how did they throw it?
or did they have an elaborate belt-driven throwing device?
well
their owner was helping out. But they were taking it in turns.
ah, talking dogs
this story is turning out to be great.
My
favourite bit was the talking dog
mine too.
Especially when he spoke to the man. Classic. I'll never forget that.
I didn't get it
:(
I think the dog saved it.
Anyone
remember the bit where the dog was talking?
ONLY
A TALKING DOG!
talking dogs
you missed out BIG
Spolier?
Is that a type of dog?
when it spoke to that man
I was in raptures. Amazing stuff.
this thread makes me lolalot!
I love marzipan.
It was my stop-smoking aid. When you have a craving, eat a small blob of the stuff. Works. But then i ran out marzipan and started smoking again.
why didn't you just buy more marzipan?
How much does it cost nowadays?
can you not get it on the NHS?
I'm afraid not.
And my village doesn't sell marzipan. Or much else, really. Fags and booze, and a rather choicy selection of chocolate bars.
Only in tablet form
By revolving their lives around the cancer sticks
OR getting into habits. Habits are hard to break, and this is my problem. It feels wrong to come to college and not smoke, as it's all i've done in the place (bar a tiny bit of learning here and there), and in pubs, as i've been smoking since i started drinking.. I have no self-control/willpower.
can you maybe introduce a talking dog into the story?
I think every story benefits from one.
Sorry I'm late
What happened? Something about a talking dog?
I have the dog saying
'it's more volleyball sized, thank you very much'.
What did you have him saying, zxcvbnm and judge_B?
I love such programs.
Although i do wonder, if they don't work and refuse to attend school, yet have a £29837128 a day drug habit, who the hell gives them the money? Or are they all a bunch of bank robbers?
please don't stop now
these get better and better!
anyone remember that sausage advert
where the dog says 'Walls!'????
Classic.
Yes!
I loved that ad.
okay, I'm imagining.
Now what?
you say to him
'was that balls or walls?'
done that...
oh.
Where I went to uni
there used to be a man we called Man With a Dog in a Pram...self explanatory really. We used to see him all around.
I'll never forget one of my more headfuck hangovers...I wake up and reach for my can of fizzy ribena, take a biiiig mouthful and realise "eugh I must have put a fag out in that" so I run to the sink and spit it all out into the sink. I look down.
hundreds of ants!!!! I'd medicated a hangover with a mouthful of fucking ants...candyman-style, it was really harrowing. So I wash my mouth out and twitch the curtains to peer outside, gauge the weather etc. I peek across the busy main road.
Man With a Dog in a Pram is strolling down the opposite pavement, blank expression on his face with his dog stood perfectly still on a B&Q flatbed trolley that he's pulling behind him. This will stay with me to the grave.
what did the dog say?
It just looked me in the eye and said
"I am older than time itself"
ooh cryptic dog!
They're good. Like that old man in Gremlins.
it had the same
bony little pipe
no...not like that.
"Did you know B&Q stands for Big and Quiet?"
Dogs are full of incorrect trivia.
How do you know it doesn't?
Because once I went and it wasn't quiet
There was a forklift driver being mouthy.
Were you being mean about his forks?
A dog probably was
did they converse?
Well did the dog nod its head or anything?
or maybe gesture with its paws?
or maybe
nonchalantly stub out it's cigarette on the childs back?
yes
yes it is. Now think of a new one.
I think there was one between Hitler and Goebbels which was worse
but give it a couple more posts and I think this will have overtaken it.
that's the family guy conversation I swear..
Did the dog buy her dinner?
Those dogs in the Royal Park are terrifying
The dog in the Brudenell Social Club is ace though. I once got it so excited it did a wee on the floor. The carpet is so saturated with dirt I don't think it made a lot of difference.
'once got it so excited'
Were you doing your special dance?
I used to walk a dog for an old friend
who got too old to do it. One day it refused to do its walk forwards and turned round. I thought it just wanted to go home, but no, it walked backwards for the whole walk. It was so bizarre. I got back and asked the old guy and he said oh he does that sometimes.
You have honestly never seen anything as odd as a dog walkign at full pace backwards.
what about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUWd4j2T-RQ
also, when it's chewing
watch it with the sound off and say something and pretend it's the dog talking. Improves the video by 141%.
i did that
i'm in college, and there's no sound
i need to stop laughing so much, i'm in a library :(
HAHA
the opening shot really sets the mood
dog...biscuits...dog....biscuits
Brilliant.
'thats disciplin and trust me that dog doesnt care that he didnt get the second one'
yes!
second last one, lolzzz
Those were
all written by cats.
...
http://www.cybersalt.org/cl_images/1zzzzya/cats/catgrin.jpg
nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXm6M8m0I-A&NR
That scared me
:(
This is scarier
but funnier at the same time.
:(
:)
:O
JAMES YOU DURRBRAIN
THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qff9V27Weaw&mode=related&search=
that's just funny
insane rambling cat.
this ones better though- MONTAGE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV6DQuEh4UQ&mode=related&search=
sounds like my girlfriend in tha sack
GREMLINS
I think this dog has gone TOO far.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br_BErpbihQ
oh, yes
it's a very BAD dog.
put down request
USEFUL dogs.
According to this website:
http://www.rateitall.com/i-726685-dogs-can-be-trained-to-detect-an-upcoming-epileptic-seizure.aspx
as you can guess from the link, dogs can be trained to detect an upcoming epileptic seizure. Whether or not they have the skillz to deal with it is another matter. I guess maybe a barking or jumping dog can calm the person down?! Anyone here know?
I'm not sure that would calm me down
If you could train it to sing Moon River I think that would work.
I'm no expert
but I might be able to get it play Moon River on the stereo while it calmly strokes your arm?
Certainly worth a try.
what is acceptable punishment?
I don't want to get into trouble with Lassie and all those other hard dogs.
Okay.
Anyone know where I can buy a Tazer?
I could Tazer Towser.
no but I know where you can buy temporary electric fences
that you can arrange and move to your dogs' content...
How do I move them?
I take it, I can't touch it either.
You switch if off before YOU touch it, silly...
then switch it back on to keep the dog in. Simple.
I don't condone actual physical violence
but certainly, isolation within an electric fence is ok (I guess that is mental abuse).
That is mental.
I always knew I was sinister and evil deep within
Sigh.
drinking buddy
at about 7pm I shall be plasterd with Meths
fact.
am I supposed to be there?
That could be interpreted in
one of two ways.
^ that was to
RK
I don't think I've got either of them.
Can I have a hint?
tazers are frowned upon in pet shops.
it leaves the staff with little time for helping customers, what with all the frowning.
the humane thing would be to kick it in the legs.
bloody pet shops
always think they know best.
I don't
so I can say what I like about pet shops.
can you see any pets?
you mean
like one of those things you use to light gas cookers with?
please do.
can I help?
I can write too.
um...
this is like writing a book isn't it?
I thought someone was compiling these posts into a book anyway?
I think you posted your account details once
so that should all be sorted.
I think it was that Swedish chap.
Antschool or whatever.
(I think it might be a con though! SHHH DON'T TELL ANTSHCOPL:?)
My word,
whatever has happened here?
(waits patiently)
what are you waiting for down here?
it was such a good effort as well
a good tazering?
knowing Rose, probably
she loves all that kinky stuff.
Ahem, and pray, how do YOU know this?
Floyd, the bassett hound
told me.
Little bastard is back this weekend.
And to think I thought I'd missed him. Tsk.
i can't promise i won't frown
for a book to be written by zxcvbnm
however it appears to be along the lines of War and Peace... and he is taking his time...
what was the dog saying?!
WHAT WAS THE DOG SAYING??!!
What's the dog wearing??!!
WHAT'S THE DOG WEARING??!!
Only a smile!
The dog has got his hat on!
Hip hip hip hooray!
The dog has got his hat on and he's coming out toWALLS
^
With apologies to Dr Woofalot.
please make it wear a havana style hat
and smoke a cigar - with fob watch hanging out of it's breast pocket.. and a fat rolls parked up next to you... Yesh.
yes
it should be dressed a bit like this:
http://www.doggiedee.com/images/clothes/Max-Dance.jpg
who the FUCK does that to their dogs..
OH! I saw this CRAZY Thai poodle dressed in a t-shirt on the beach... it freaked me out a bit... I couldn't stop laughing...
I think it was someone called Max Dance
look him up in the phonebook.
:D
It should be wearing
an Andy Williams mask I think.
please please please PLEASE draw this
i love that sort of wierd psychadelic stick figure drawing stuff... DO IT....!
It's NOT psychedelic
it's graphic realism. Think along the lines of a Ken Loach movie, like the one with that talking bird.
Cathy Come Home?
It's not PC to refer to women as 'birds' anymore.
No, you imbecile
it was a talking Kestrel. I think it was called Kev.
Escape to Victory?
GENUINE LOL
Ha.
OK - will try.
(closes eyes and imagines.....)
Carla's song?
Get out, thewarn
I already made the 'film that's not Kes' joke.
But mine was more
wilfully obscure!
how about this one:
do you mean raining stones? wouldn't that hurt the dog? or something
i haven't thought this through at all.
sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind
zxcvbnm taught me that in his dog-teaching book.
you haven't written any other pages!
You'd setter get onto it.
don't bother
it'll only be shi-tzu anyway.
Nah
It's terrierble.
I've (English) setter side some time tonight.
no it isn't.
collie yourself an author?
ooh, don't disparage zxcvbnm
spaniel be sorry!
Oh no
I've just stepped in a poodle and my shoes are all wet.
This isn't going well, is it?
it's pit(i)fbull
what?
'teh'?
I hope it's not written in such hipsterish slang!
make it look like thewarn's dog
make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog make it look like thewarn's dog
I'll obscure your full willy in a minute
^^
Excellent. This sentence is now totally disconnected from its original context. Now I look like a weirdo. Perhaps the kind of weirdo that would train a dog to sing Moon River using a collection of movable electric fences.
you freak
look of shock and horror
Yes.
But that's beside the point.
i feel sick
you mock now
but go round to zxcvbnm's and see it in action. Or alternatively, just read about it in his book, "How to get your dog to sing moon river" by Zxcvbnm
can I do some drawings too
I've got this great picture in my head where these five hounds are playing snooker.
I've seen that already
...
No you haven't
it's still in my head.
okay
I have so much to offer to a book on this subject though.
dunno
dogs playing poker?
Dogs playing golf?
can i do the quentin whatsisface style illustrations?
also, i think there should be a glossy photo section in the middle, like there is in all the classics.
FINE SEE IF I CARE
i'm not bothered, got loads of mates
How many of them
have written a book on how to train a dog to sing Moon River though?
If it's more than two I'll be surprised.
only one
and it was really poor. he didn't even rub out the pencil guidelines.
AMATEUR!
you're hanging with the professionals now.
me and zxcvbnm have done this LOADS.
i'm slightly apprehensive
but i'm sure if we whippet our heads together we can make this the best dog training book ever.
^^^THAT'S RIGHT, ANOTHER ONE!!!^^^
Hound did you come up with that?!
i was just TOYing with some ideas.
Ee-chihuahua
I used to love the ewoks.
^ that's the worst one so far, isn't it?
It is, isn't it?
it sounds like you need a few pointers.
I think we should PAWS for thought for a minute
to stop this thread from TAILing off into anarchy.
I used capitals to highlight the funny bits.
come on, IAMS pretty good.
I'm brilliant
I winnalot of pun contests.
but you have to shave your legs for the competition!
how else would i give the impression that i have pedigree, chum?
I'm here
I'll stay here and stop the rott-weiler you drum up support.
daschund be a problem,
i know you're only maltese-ing.
OMG SAME PUN FAILURE ALERT
OH WELL DONE 84Joe
ruin it for the rest of us, why don't you.
that was my in-terrier-ention all along
i've lost it.
i never had it.
*scream on knees on a roof in the rain*
well good then
to mspaint!
have you read it?
It's nothing to be proud of.
My
favourite bit was the talking dog
oh yes
that bit was a classic.
When he spoke, I could barely contain myself. In fact, I'm not sure I did.
it depends
how big the wheels are.
laika?
I didn't mind-a
good film.
which one?
And how many of those could talk?
I think there was
Space Dog
Space Dog 2
Space Dog 3
Space Dog 4
Space Dog 5
Space Dog vs Space Cat 'This time they've got lasers'
and Space Dog X 'The Return to Earth'.
is this an appropriate place to add
Death Metal Dog?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDt4mSspe04
You posted that a few weeks ago
and it was great.
i did?
it is great, isn't it?
bump
to combat the faildog thingy earlier that made me sad.
one of my most fav threads ever
me too
:)
this thread is amazing
I love that talking dog.
fdghdfg
^5
tears
of laughter.
Fix?
no such luck.
Good effort
meths
maybe
maybe this will work?
Dont think it did.
Try saying 'SMASH'
This seems like a great thread
Oh man
:(
this is what happens when people have all their posts deleted
I think poosie has ruined this thread more than I thought possible