The problem is that you're all pairing up and doing real things.
Where are the threads such as:
"I just bought a new belt for my trousers; it is magenta and teal, and, it cost only £399 which is fortunate because I'm short of money. Tomorrow I am being fitted with glasses that allow me to see through the absurdity of existence. I'll leave them at home when I go to see Shite Against You."
"Can anyone tell me where I can buy a bag o' shite? I need to come up with a new line aimed at five-year-olds who have no taste or rationale, even for five-year-olds. I'm on the door at the Shite Against You gig, not because I need the money - I just need to smile at lots of people. When they smile back it means they like me. I love cakes."
"I'm very worried. Tomorrow, I may have to cross the road. I haven't done this before and I need some advice. Can someone hold my hand?"
"I have proved that the earth is flat and balances on the back of a giant goat. The goat can speak. It speaks to me all the time."