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An open letter
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Friends,
in her infinite and unquestionable wisdom, our monarch, Queen Elizabeth II has awarded T4's June "woefully inept at her job" Sarpong an MBE.
Interested in what this means, I began by investiagting what an MBE actually is.
An MBE makes June "tough enough to stomach on a Friday night, let alone Sunday morning with a hangover" Sarpong a Member of the British Empire. That's funny, I thought I already qualified as one of those, alongside my 70m fellow British passport holders. Alas no, the notable difference to the life of Ms. "the worst person I've ever seen try to adlib an interview" Sarpong will be she can now suffix her name with three glorious letters.
In our rapidly changing society and as we naturally shift toward a republic state, receiving honours from Liz has become less and less of an 'honour' and more of a desperate attempt for the Queen to prove she's still in touch with what people outside of her well to-do elite enjoy and believe in.
By absolutely no stretch of the imagination does June "talentless ejaculatory mistake" Sarpong fit that bill at all. Not even in an ironic sense. Is this a monarchic joke? That's all I can physically think it must be. There are lists and lists of people that deserve an honour and recognition more than June Sarpong. I am one of them. My Grandma Judy even more so. You are, in fact, probably more deserved of the country's hallowed three-letter name caravan, whoever you are.
In 2003, one of this country's finest poets of all time Benjamin Zephaniah rejected his OBE on the grounds that he felt it stood for, "thousands of years of brutality - it reminds me of how my foremothers were raped and my forefathers brutalised." Notably, June "desperately needs to be hit by an 18-wheel fucktruck" Sarpong has not rebutted her offer of the award, rather choosing to bask in her inexplicable glory.
Some of you may remember my petition of a few years back to get June "cunt" Sarpong removed from the payroll at Channel 4. I almost feel like the Queen read that and is now rubbing my face in it.
I am at a loss. I argued with a taxi driver less than a week ago that this country isn't falling to shreds and the Daily Mail has convinced him that it is.
Now? I'm not so sure.
Yours,
Colin Roberts