Your are viewing a read-only archive of the old DiS boards. Please hit the Community button above to engage with the DiS !
Why does Mike Tyson always cry during sex?
person. but i laughed.
say to the beach?
Nothing; it just waved.
which popular yellow sprinf flower did wordsworth write about?
you have those ones that have questions rather than jokes, dont you?
joke then fact ones
first joke was about where you weigh whales - the whale weigh station
the fact, i also read out :
"when did queen victoria die?
"That's not funny" my gran said
it was a good 10 minutes before i stopped laughing so i could eat.
Ah, you can do better than that.
Where would you weigh a rail?
A rail weigh station.
...so, where would you weight a pie?
"Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie..."
So I was just in my room doing some pottering about on the computer a few Christmases ago. My grandad walks in and you know old people - "What's all this crap?" he says. "In my day we didn't muck about with all this e-mail ipod windows bollocks. When I was your age, I went to the Moulan Rouge in Paris, drank all night, fucked all the dancing girls, pissed on the barman and left the gaff without paying. Ah... summer nights!"
So I was all like, 'sure grandad, whatever!'. But it began to sound like a good idea. So in the new year me and my mates went and did just that.
It didn't go well. Before I'd even started beating up my first barman, I got the shit kicked out of me and sent home in an ambulance.
Couple of days I get back (with the help of the British consulate) and my grandad is there. He looks at my injuries and exclaims "Bleedin' hell, son! What happened to you?!"
"Well," I explain, "I did like you said - went to Paris, barged into a club, fucked some strippers and pissed up the bar staff. And I got beaten up!"
"My lord, who did you go with?" Grandad asked.
"Just some mates," I reply. "Why, who did you go with?"
"Do you think you'll ever go down on one knee again?"
Paul McCartney says:
"I'd prefer it if you called her Heather"
ooh, my ribs
My TV guide used that as an example of why Charlotte Church's show is the harbinger of the apocalypse.
It was right.
Hearing the pelvis snap.
That FUCKING joke. A 'friend' of mine spent about 3 years telling people I'd only just met that I made that gag up.
It's not even funny.
Well, no, it IS funny. But these were people that were more or less complete strangers...
I feel differently. Did you actually make it up or was this 'friend' an evil liar?
And you're right, I don't find it remotely funny anymore. Not after the first 500 times...