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How long since you've heard a juicy funny joke eh? Go on.
at Weddings, it's the one about the valet and the 12 inch dildo.
so consequence THAT in your everything-about-your-life pipe and take a big puff.
you're a bloke from Finsbury Park who's utter boredom with his own affairs has driven him to ask for jokes from strangers online.
I'm a car!
Sorry I can't !
bobbing in the water, with.....
how did that one go?
wanks into a bra
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
A man walks into a pub and sees a sign behind the bar that reads "Win £250". He asks about this, and the barman replies;
"It's a challange of sorts. First you must beat up that big muscly guy in the corner, then you must pull out a tooth from the jaws of the angry Rottweiler out back, then you must shag that ugly fat old woman over there."
"No way" says the man immediately. After 10 pints however, he decides to give it a shot. He walks up to the big guy and knocks him out with one punch. He then storms out to the back of the pub where lots of barking, squealing, and screaming can be heard. After a few minutes he stumbles back into the pub and says "right, wheres the bird who's tooth I'm meant to pull out?"
Because all property is theft.
this one's good.
where she says she's never been fucked and the bloke chucks her in the sea and says your fucked now?
bit contrived innit?
A man loses an eye and cannot afford a prosthetic one, so has too settle for a wooden replacement eye. After months of feeling inadaquet, he finally lets his pals convince him to go out on the pull. Standing at the bar he notices a gorgeous woman with two wooden legs. Feeling a connection, he trundles over and begins chatting to her. Things are going well, so he decides to pop the question. "Wanna come back to my place?" he asks.
"Would I?!" She replies.
"Wood eye?!!" He screams, "Fuck off pegleg!"