Now, these really ARE rubbish.
I remember excitedly gathering round this box of tricks when I was about 12.
They all had exciting names like: 'superrocket8000', 'fire!fire!help!' and 'wooooooooooahhhhh!'
We lit them each in turn. Almost without exception, they smouldered a bit, sparked briefly, then excreted long lines of what can only be described as hamster poo.
Have they got any better since then?