I went to see Sophia Coppola's Marie Antoinette last night.
Cthulhu on a fucking bicycle, what a fucking piece of shit movie. What a dreary, overwrought, two-hour waste of everyone's time. Sophia Coppola you are a talentless arsehole with a famous Dad.
How bad is this movie? Harold Pinter liked it. That's how bad it is.
So, Marie Antoinette. One of the great icons of history who lived during the French Revolution, one of the great cataclysmic moments of history. And what do we learn about it? Fuck all! This is a two hour film about SHOES!!!! And DRESSES!!!!!!!! And fucking CAKE!!!!!!!!!
For an hour and a sodding half, NOTHING HAPPENS!!!!! We see some long lingering camera shots of Versailles, and Marie Antoinette going to parties and choosing shoes......and then after AN HOUR AND A HALF of arse-chafing tedium, a courtier wanders onscreen and says, "Pardon me, your majesties, but the Bastille has just been stormed."
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????????????? That's how you deal with the storming of the Bastille??????? Just get a courtier to wander onscreen and mention it??????
Did I mention that Sophia Coppola is a talentless arsehole with a famous Dad?
Oh, and Sophia, fuck off with your use of punk music and imagery. Marie Antoinette represented elitism, snobbery and the hegemony of the European aristocracy. She was about as punk rock as Darth Vader.
It should be utterly impossible to make such an agonisingly tedious film about the French Revolution, but somehow Sophia Coppola managed it. We learn virtually nothing about why Marie Antoinette was such an important historical figure, or how the French Revolution came out. Just two hours of irritating hand-held camerawork and lingering shots of fountains.
Once again, for emphasis, Sophia Coppola is a talentless arsehole with a famous Dad.