And we have to write a scene with someone else, sort out props, costume, lights etc.
A girl in S6, nearing 17 years old, gives me this scene to write the second part of:
Stage set in the living room. Caroline is leaning against the counter, upset and unhappy.
The mother and daughter’s are in the living speaking while Margaret is fixing her appearance. They are going out to a benefit party.
Regina: (Hyped) Oh My God! I can’t believe we’re going to the party of the year. This is going to be the best New Year Party ever!
Margaret: Calm yourself dear we don’t want you making a fool of yourself.
Regina: (Tuts) Whatever! This party better have the OC music.
Margaret: What is this OC thing you keep going on about?
Regina stands still with her mouth wide open in shock.
Margaret: What are you doing that with your mouth?
Regina: (shocked) Did you just say the OC thing?
Margaret: Yes, and stop doing that with your mouth it’s very unattractive
Regina: The OC is like the biggest…
Margaret: Caroline fetch me my purse and Regina (turns to face her) I don’t care.
Regina: (under her breath) You never do.
Caroline comes in with her purse and hands it to Margaret.
Margaret: Right lets be off.
She goes to walk away but Caroline steps in front of her.
Margaret: What are you doing child?
Caroline: Please aunt could I not come with you.
Regina: (Laughs) Oh you’re serious.
Margaret: I'm afraid someone of your stature can never granted that privilege. (angry) However, how dare you ask me, and I will remind you who put a roof over you head and gave you food and clothes.
Caroline frightened backs away while Margaret walks away towards her and slaps her across the face.
Caroline: I’m sorry.
How can I re-write it subltly so it's not as er... wrong? I'm not claiming to be an amazing writer or anything (I'm definitly not), but that is just plain bad! Help me, please?