So theres these two giants right....
and they're walking around the world, but their heads are high above the clouds and one giant says to the other 'where are we' so the other giant reaches down with his hand and says ' we're in chicago' and the other giant says' how did you know that' so the giant replies ' because i could feel two spikes on the top of the tallest building which means its sears tower'
so they're wandering around a bit more and the giant says again ' where are we' so again the other giant reaches down and says' ah were in paris' and the other giant says 'how did you know that?' so the giant replies well i can feel the eiffel tower'
Later on they're still walking and the giant says again ' where are we?' so the iant reaches down and says' were in liverpool'
'but there isnt any monuments that are so famous in liverpool that could make you tell....how did you know'
so the giant replies ' someone stole my watch'
just heard that...a bit long winded but there you go. anyone know any GOOD jokes?

wut?
im not familiar with the term
Euripedes
What-a-mistaka-to-maka!
...
This makes my Fury-ous. Oh wait... no, "Furious" works...
...
I can't believe no one got that. Uncultured swine!
i did
but five hours too late.
the tragedy.
I got it too
but failed to comment.
I don't get it
whose trousers?
pep streebeck??????????
haha
Shouldn't it be
Euripedes' trousers?
Or I too am unfamliar with the general term.
...
Better late than never: Oh Theo.
i can't believe
this has gone unacknowledged...
seconded
The correct punchline is "Eumenedies trousers!"
If you don't get it, you need to learn more about 5th Century BC Athenian tragic drama.
...
TIMING.
Timing!
this thread
means nothing to me
Euripedes trousers?
You mend-a these trousers... m'dear
...
Euripedes trousers?
Eumenides trousers!
still not
with you
tragic
is this one of those
things where i have to have lived in the 80's?
Timing!
Euripedes trousers?
Afraid so!
Sorry!
Euripedes trousers?
You mend-a-these trousers!
I don't understand how this doesn't make sense to you.
Euripedes trousers?
You mend-a-these trousers!
...
Ah, I wouldn't have got it when I was 16, either.
i wasnt born untill 1990
so i guess i wont undrstand right?
i get it!!!!! wow!!
as in you rippped these trousers you mend these trousers!!
Timing.
yes!! i got it!!!
wow
Yeah but shouldn't there be an apostrophe after Euripedes?
Come on, otherwise it's just nonsense! :D
How
can you call this thread nonsense? There isn't a single thing about it that I don't like!
Mmmm.
The piss of theo.
you want me to
explain?
have done
in the format of PM
If
it were possible, I'd like to be a fly on the wall of that PM
I would still like to see this if it ever existed
I
don't get it
So...
anyone got any good jokes?
I do
So there's these two giants, right...
Did
one of them rip their trousers?
Yup
and then one said to the other:
"Euripedes trousers?"
And the other said:
"I don't get it"
I don't get it
Timing.
If
that isn't the best joke I've heard in years, then the tears rolling down my face are calling me a liar.
Timing!
what do you call a black african prostitute with braces?
Condoleeza rice?
BAN REQUEST
no
a black and decker pecker recker
I don't get it.
...
What's the decker part for?
i dont know i heard it the other day
Ah, back when
'decker' was still an African country. Makes sense.
...
You should get your money back.
did you just tell a joke you don't 'get'?
omh.
chris is cool's stupidity is fucking amazing.
how hilarious. it rhymes.
Jeebus.
Bernard Manning just switched off in disgust
i dont get it.
not
judge_b
I don't get it.
I don't ever, ever want this thread to die...
Not
Judge_B?!!!
Timing!
I make it
12:51.
NEXT!
12:52?
Good stuff
by using this sequential counting method, we can now potentially work out the time as much as three hours into the future!
i dont get it.
Not
Judge_B?
It's in the pronounciation
'Eu...rip...edees'
Ok,
so the European Union is dead. I now understand your political stance. 'edees'....?
I don't get it.
Edees = Eddie's
As in 'Eddie's trousers'
It should become clearer now.
But that's the point
It should be:
Euripedes' trousers?
You mend-a these trousers!
I don't get it.
i dont get it
It was Eddie.
yes
i'd better mend-a them.
I wasnt born until 1990
so I guess I wont undrstand, right?
15:50?
Good stuff.
by using this sequential counting method, we can now potentially work out the time as much as three hours into the future!
I don't get it.
I'm crying with laughter.
Timing!
Timing!
I don't get it.
Euripedes trousers?
Next!
where's his watch?
timing!
16:17
Next!
Is
this one of those things where I should have been born in the 70's?
I
don't know about POTD but this is definitely Thread Of The Day, with analysis from Neil Warnock and Alan Hansen
who'd have credited it?
from such a scratchy beginning, the flow of play down the thread has been magnificent.
My favourite part is
that whenever anyone has quoted the time, they've got it wrong.
16:22
Not
Judge_B
Timing!
Euripedes trousers? Liverpool
Timing.
my foot's wet where the shitting fuck are we
I don't get it
Who stole-a my watch-a?
I'm not familiar with the term
euripedes
im not familiar with the term
euripedes
TIMING!
That makes two of us!
Where the shitting fuck are we?
It was Eddie
Not Judge B
?
But there isnt any monument that are as famous
in Liverpool
We're in Chicago
this thread means nothing to me
Oh!
Vienna.
I dont get it
Oh!
If there's one thing I've learned today
Giants are pretty stupid. And somewhat repetitive.
Dale Winton,
you git
Don't be silly, Clive from Dubai
Sorry, I'm late
what did I miss?
Timing!
Not
Judge_B
I don't get it.
Thanks for the best week of my life
My boss is coming back so I won't be on DiS for entire days at a time!
Fishiest living death retaliates?
Suavely serve so
i STILL dont get it
you don't get no respect
...
only i could have halted that train of thought, obviously.
i don't get it
good work soldier.
thanks
Timing!
Not
Judge_B?
have you got my watch-a?
where does this time machine go?
!
And I thought that one word summary of comedians sub-thread in the Scottish drinking minimum pricing thread was as far to the right as anyone had got.
You're forgetting CG...
lol
I'd forgotten about this^.
I don't get it.
^ ^ ^
plus you live in Rugby
are you on about me living in Rugby?
this thread is too dense to look for me saying something like that.
Probably my favourite response to anything ever
pro
Oooooooohhhhh Viennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't get it
people in liverpool like clocks?
I guess I wouldn't understand, I wasn't born until 1990 you see.
a black and decker pecker recker?
I get it!!
a pecker (penis) recker (wrecker).
She wrecks the penis because she has braces and she is performing an oral sex. LOL!!!
a black and decker is a DIY tool
black people are often referred to as "tools" and they're black to.
It's pretty complex.
i don't get it
I don't get it
Everyone who contributed to this thread
is fired.
fried?
Timing?
it did turn out
to be a work of art. As far as threads go.
this is the worst joke
in the history of EVER.
i also
don't know how i missed it first time around.
srsly
why would you do something like this?
I don't get it
in your FACE!
i initailly laughed at the joke
ah well...not funny?...no? okay well im not posting threads untill i get some new material.
Timing.
What about:
My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock.
Bad Minton!
now THAT'S comedy.
good work, blatchford.
*bows*
i'm here all week.
meths?
has he posted here?
Is this one of those things where I need to have lived in the 20's?
ask Prole.
i want my joke back.
This thread is the best,
I'm sad I missed it happen,
Dale Winton, you git
Don't
worry Indie, there is still plenty of time to get on the bandwagon.
I don't get it
Get what?
why would you say that?
Not
Judge_B
please
^ That was to meths.
15:43
Timing!
i don't get it
get what now?
i expected a rather different punch line
at the end of that, was that just me and my sick mind?
..
I think this thread has given me cancer.
...
Calculon: That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!
yes
SICKO.
Timing!
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
...
i dont get it
damn, i broke the thread.
Timing!
Thommo enters "Theo's book of hate" for bumping an old thread
Grrrrrrrr...
You're in the forward, FFS!
*foreword
That's great
My foreword just says.
"And here is the list of people who are so isignificant as to only get a mention of hate in the foreword:
Dave, Leeds
And on with the rest of the book..."
You don't even know what that means!
Charlatan!
I
will be bumping this thread forever - I make no apology
There was a question about
Euripides on University Challenge a couple of weeks ago. Laugh? No.
I
spotted that.
I was hoping that it was going to be a question about his trousers
euripede's trousers?
I don't get it
not
judge_b
needs more giants
and/or references to meths.
Did
I leave my keys in here?
Timing!
stop this now
Shan't!
don't
tis good sutff.
awww
fuck i screwed it up...merde. desole. :/
sutff
*stuff
Peter Sut(cli)ff(e)
:)
.
14:27
!
timing!
why
do i always read the punchline to long jokes FIRST?
i just cant help myself...
I don't get it.
.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/Judge_B/Cats/itsatrap.jpg
i still don't get it.
OH!
now i get it.
wait...
i was lying.
i still
don't get it.
Howling...
...it grows and grows.
Timing!
clearly it's
your superior indiananian genes then :'(
go back to Liverpool
she's not a giant.
yes she is
no, i've met her
she's more like a midget...
I don't get it
me neither.
jeez this thread just keeps on goooing!
just like your genius!
i thought you didnt get it...
or is that how you know its genius?
yes.
bump.
just made myself cry laughing again reading this. try and read it all and not laugh. I challenge you!
My favourite bit is when Chris,
quite early on says:
'this thread means nothing to me'.
I then have to launch into a rendition of Vienna. Every time.
I don't know,
but it says a lot about this countries education system.
it's about
everything and nothihng..all that is glorious in the world and everything we wish ofr
Shh.
No one's supposed to have seen that bit.
it's the "piss of Theo" that makes me laff the most
seriously guys
i still don't get it.
i laughed a lot
my boss made FROWNS at me
I agree
Oh judgey
A
gas mask that doesn't work?
What would be the point of that?
to get to the other side!!
Excellent.
Why did it take two and a half years for this to be appreciated?
don't get it
This sentence is a gramatical nightmare:
'but there isnt any monuments that are so famous in liverpool that could make you tell...'
Yeah
that's pretty much the only problem with the original post. It's an otherwise flawless piece of joke-telling.
Ricky Otto
I concur
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
Also: did you know 15% of people never leave a tip? Theyre called the wierdos who live at the tip.
are you Alan Carr?
No. And i'm offended that you might mistake me for him
ive had those two since way before i ever heard of him. Did he use them?
i really wish
i got this.
It's OK
You'll get it later.
never gets old
i wish the same
was true of you, chris :'(
:'(
Don't start with the tears just yet. I think it will be some time before Chris enters the world of men.
it is
chris is cool is like a peter pan type figure
I could either be really happy i'm a peter pan figure
or very upset i'm not yet a man. :-(
I know Wendy
from the most recent Peter Pan film.
She's not really called Wendy!
Er. It really needs to hurry up and be Friday night.
Wait until
you've lived through the '00s.
Poor.
That's the worst joke ever
and also the worst ever attempt to convey a scottish accent via the medium of phonetic spelling. What bit of Scotland are these people supposed to hail from? Have you ever heard any Scottish people talk? Were these people perhaps Geordies pretending to be Scottish? And what about Timmy's mum? No mention of her again, at all. Shocking.
And (finally) no one i know uses the word 'batty' to convey their homophobia. It would be 'poof'. Get it right or don't even bother.
This thread makes me not understand LIFE
I don't understand?
What's not to understand?
I don't know
because i don't know what there IS to understand.
MYHEADHURTSNOW
i dont get it
not judge_b
just go drink some piss of Theo
you'll be fine
this is the most requently BUMPed thread in DiStory
yeah.
I don't g...
zzzzzzzzzzz
And with good reason
The first time I've read this.
I am bitterly dissapointed.
*disappointed
timing!
but what would be the point of stealing a giants watch?
Or
a gas mask that doesn't work? What would be the point of that?
Wouldn't be a 'gas mask'
then would it. By definition a gas mask protects you from inhaling gases...
...
what? so is a broken vacuum cleaner not a vacuum cleaner because it doesnt clean? if i have an umbrella which has been damaged and holes in it, is it not an umbrella because it doesnt stop the rain?
really...
Woah.
This calls my entire perception of reality into question.
but IF the gas mask
didn't perform its function in the first place? Ummm I don't know where I'm going with this.
I
think we can all agree that at the end of the day, there is no point in a gas mask that doesn't work
I disagree
Yeah, it would cover up your face for one thing
Quelle surprise,
Monsieur disagreeable.
Mon Dieu!
I disagree
Can we go home now?
Mais non!
maisnon dereierre?
i hope so
Did everyone go home?
Timing!
this truly is an achievement
it really, really is.
random bumping of this thread
is guarenteed to improve my day. thanks!
I would have put money on the fact
that between me getting my pizza out the oven and returning that this thread would be re-kindled
"me getting my pizza out the oven"
that better not be a euphemism.
Oh fuck it, we're all adults. Lets ALL get our pizzas out of the oven.
I've got my pizza out of the oven right now...
cheese everywhere!
a bit of wood
fell off the window blinds and JUST missed my head just as I typed that. Almost like God is cross with me for something.
and tomatoes!
haha!! aw god that's sick
?
?
Minting!
Timing!
19:26?
I still don't get it.
Best. Thread. Ever
I heard they're making a film of it
Judge Reinhold is playing you.
With
Dougie Howser as chris_is_cool?
No, they couldn't find someone to match me
and someone who has the same charisma so i'm playing me.
it's an adaptation of the book
which is this
how long can you hold
your breath for Chris_is_Cool?
i could help him
By
'help' you mean 'strangle', right?
here
timing?
uh
people posted on this thread last night...
now the posts are gone. odd.
i voted for it.
you voted
for the posts from last night to be removed??
no
i voted for you to be removed but i was denied :(
i'm confused
is it called Mock Trial?