sorry for the rant but i need someone to talk to. i'm not coping well and i haven't slept properly in days.
this might sound daft as it's probably not something most people would freak out over. i know i've posted about it before, but basically i was supposed to graduate from uni this December after doing my dissertation over this summer. unfortunately it hasn't gone quite as i planned and there’s no way i’m going to make the deadline, but i'm allowed more time to finish it without getting penalised (because i'm on a student support thing on the basis of having relapsing anxiety and depression). that sounds great but it means i'll have to wait until next July to graduate, and i’m not sure how i feel about that.
i’ll be able to start looking for uni-related jobs and stuff as soon as i've handed in my dissertation and it's marked (aiming to get it done by next month), so it doesn’t really matter when i graduate (although it might piss my parents off a bit, not sure i could cope with their reaction). it’s just that it seems like such a fucking long time away (and it feels like i’ve been at uni for fucking ages, started in 2012) that i can’t really get my head around it. i don’t know why it’s causing me so much stress, it just feels like *another* year of waiting for something to be over with so i can move on (even though it’s just a ceremony, and I can move on before/without it).
i also feel a bit shitty and guilty about the fact i’ve had so much free time to get the work done and yet i couldn’t do it. i’m also crapping myself about the fact i’m on a second dissertation extension, while 95% of my course managed to submit theirs without one and are now in work. i just feel really far behind everyone i know.
i also think i’m coming to the end of my overdraft and i have to pay off an overdue credit card bill (under £500, which i won’t be able to pay back until i start earning money) but i’m not sure how it works with a student account/whether that means i’ll have a mark next to my name making it harder for me to borrow money in the future (does it? i know nothing about this sort of thing).
sorry if this sounds a bit whiny but i needed to let it all out. i've never felt so stressed and isolated. i think i need time to process everything. i will be very happy once i've done my dissertation but these all these thoughts are making it impossible at the moment.