''you know that whole log cabin stuff? its bollocks i made it up. soz''.
I RECORDED IN A BIG MANSION MADE OUT OF MONEY WHICH WAS BUILT BY ALL YOUR DADS AND I DIDNT EVEN PAY THEM NOT EVEN EXPENSES AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND IT IS PRONOUNCED BON EYEVER I JUST SAID IT WASNT TO MESS WITH YOU ALL PEACE OUT DICKHEEAAADSS
and I'm very versatile
he's so sincere
started posting in the style of untrue
if at a gig he said ''i'm going to do a cover now, hope y'all don't mind''.
Launches into Valerie by The Zutons
and just starting Iving some Bons
because of the bailiffs
and then didn't play because the audience were such a bunch of sell-outs and just mocked them for doing adverts
'the last track on me last album was a bit naff eh? nevermind'
and everyone was like "oh - bon IVER - thought it was bon JOVI! damn." and the crowd started shuffling out slowly.
then he was like "wait, wait - don't go. c'mon, please?" and he never made another record again. thanks, crowd.
....and half way through the set, between tracks, you could hear a pin drop, and someone shouts out at the top of their voice in a strong, Westcountry accent: 'ERE, BON, 'URRY UP AND PLAY THAT SKINNY LOVER SO WE CAN ALL FUCK OFF 'OME'.
...with cymbals strapped to his knees, a big bass drum strapped to his chest, and a trombone, & shouted "WAHHEEYYYY!"
and just started shouting FREEBIRD
and spent 16 hours yelling death threats towards Birdy and ripping up photographs of her that he'd stolen from her family
asked Bon Iver if he fancied a pint and Bon was all like 'sorry i can't i'm working on the follow-up to my critically acclaimed album For Emma, Forever Ago'.
who says things like that?!
a critically acclaimed album like Fore Emma, Forever Ago
BERYL IVER: Bon Iver! Your dinner's ready!
BON IVER: Hang on, mum! I'm just finishing working on the follow-up to my critically acclaimed album For Emma, Forever Ago!
BERYL IVER: (looking at BRUCE IVER) Heh. So THAT'S what he calls it.
BRUCE IVER: (chuckling) Oh, Beryl.
(BON IVER and ST. VINCENT are collaborating on their track for the Twilight soundtrack)
ST. VINCENT: I just have to go the toilet now, Bon Iver.
BON IVER: Okay. While you're in there, I'll just get a bit of writing done on my follow-up to my critically acclaimed album For Emma, Forever Ago.
BERYL IVER: (walking past) So how are things going with your little girlfriend?
BON IVER: Godsake mum, we're just collaborating on a track for the Twilight soundtrack. GAWD
BERYL IVER: Oh, OK, son. Just remember to leave the door open, OK?
BON IVER: GAWD
ST. VINCENT: (from the bathroom) H - E - L - P, Help me, cause the toilet doesn't seem to be flushing properly.
BRUCE IVER: Oh, don't worry about it, dear. Little Bon Bon planted a royal steamer in there about a month ago and - I dunno - it seems to have really done a number on the flushing mechanism. I'll sort it out don't ya worry.
BON IVER: (burying his head in his hands) OH GOD SO EMBARRASSING I HATE YOU BOTH
BRUCE IVER: ... Little Bon Bon planted a royal steamer in there about a month ago... me and Beryl like to call it his little log cabin, ho ho. ... (and so on as normal)
KANYE WEST: How y'all doing.
BERYL IVER: Is that popular hip-hop artist Jay-Z?
*Bruce Iver looks up from newspaper, adjusts glasses.*
BON IVER: No ma, this is Kanye West.
KANYE WEST: Pleasure to meet you. Friends call me Yeezy.
BRUCE IVER: Yeezy huh?
*Bruce adjusts glasses*
does he have a learning disability or something? My autistic friend says shit like that.
well that's proof enough for me. probably fair enough to suggest he has learning disabilities too, i guess.
and spontaneously combusted.
look at him trying to be tough:
''Kanye's a world-famous star, but it's just like working on music with friends: You're trying to do the coolest shit. Just being around motherfuckers who have been doing this for a long time and are getting better''
and then remember that time he called everybody who wants a grammy a sellout while he was doing these: http://www.mtvhive.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/BonIverBushmills_640.jpg and then when he won his grammy his "fuck you" speech boiled down to a pathetic "oh this makes me a bit uncomfortable, but thanks so much"
he's actually a lot like kanye but with absolutely none of the charisma.
'Boom! We just made a song, and it bangs, so fuck you.'
'I have no idea what the Jamaican dude is saying. At all.'
'I wouldn't say we had a conversation about feminism, necessarily, but we're sensitive to it.'
'I get along with Kanye really well and I think his musical decisions are exquisite... So when the call came for this album, I was like, 'Shit yeah!''
fat, bald(er), no guitar. pint of ale. Bernard Manning accent. "my fuckin' ex-girlfriend's so skinny right, she..."
and didn't understand Jordan's humour
and sang in a FAAAKE PATOIIIIIS
always wonder if phil elverum thinks iver stole his log cabin thunder, wisconsin is softcore compared to arctic norway, I guess not recording dawn until several years later didnt help
imagine if the skin on bon iver's back was golden
(can someone explain this imagine bon iver thing, ive never got it)
and sat himself down on a stool and ate an entire tescos finest christmas pudding in one sitting
dressed as Boy George and started reading passages from Mein Kampf in a faux Scottish accent
And performed John Lennon's 'Imagine', but changed the words to 'Imagine if I came out to / a sold out auuuuudience /Yoo hoo, ooh ooh'