Boards

Ross Kemp on Watership Down
Are we living in the last days?
My life coach died in a car crash
Plummeted his mother into hopeless despair
She hangs about the lone walk, I never know what to say to her
Have you seen Tommy Walsh’s Eco House?

like the entirety of A Country Practice. there that's my answer

...As the bootleg Mark Chapman.

Indeed there could be a thread for favourite non-sequiturs alone, when there's gems like:

"Suspected murderer of 2-Pac murder suspect, murdered"

From the one liners, to the impassioned rants to the more silly numbers they are always entertaining. Ic ould stick a bin into the tracklists of Cammel Laird Social Club or Achtung Bono and make a justifiable argument for whichever track it lands on containing my favourit HMHB lyrics!

"Girlfriend's Finished With Him" and it's wonderful slating of po-faced nonsense always makes me smile (it's the dolphins line, gets me every time!):

"Underneath the underlying tones and dizzy melodies
Next to the intelligent guitars
You’ll find frailty, beauty, sex as art
And something or other about dolphins
Parlourmaids, dandelions, things ’bout my mind
And a dead girl’s soul that lives inside me
And we don’t really know what it’s meant to be
But it’s an absolute depth of intensity
But at the end of the night
When the rider’s been ridden
We claim our fee and we get back in the van again
Inspired by no-one, other groups bore us
How can you say we sound like Frazier Chorus?
‘Cos at the end of the night you claim your poke
You get back in to the Wim van Hanegem
Rockabilly Jim from the pub quiz team
Told me something more interesting than your songs ever could"

I try to put everything into perspective
Set it against the scale of human suffering
And I thought of the Mugabe government
And the children of the Calcutta railways
This works for a while
But then I encounter Primark FM
Overhead a rainbow appears
In black and white

Well, it must have been about half past two in the morning, and just sitting there in the front room, with Carl and Brendan and Adrian. We’re just sitting listening to music, drinking tea, talking about the Palace Brothers, Bonnie Prince Billy, that kind of thing. All of a sudden the room fills with a harsh brightness and in barges my sister mob-handed from Cream. She points at the speakers on the stereo and starts chanting: “Shit band, no fans, shit band no fans…”

Well, I’m just about to defend our corner when her mate Natalie at the back pipes up with: “Yeah, the windy minimalism of that last track recalls some of Labradford’s isolationist period.”

Thoroughly defeated, I retired upstairs to bed, left them to it.

Punch and Judy, Shetland ponies, hot dog, beat the goalie
Soft play area with free bananas
Iguana Andy and his iguanas
Jousting, hoopla, ghost train, pedal cars
Quad bikes, stunt kites, sundries and much much more
For further enquiries ring this number
I rang it and asked about the much much more
I was greeted with awkward silence
They had lied to me
They had lied to me on their posters

"We've just been performing a guerilla gig,
In the middle of another group's guerilla gig,
Well, surely that's the ultimate guerilla gig,
But still they cried like girls."

Or

"A woman who described herself as “A little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally, a little bit Sex And The City” and chose to call her baby boy Fred as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. Bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits, and besides it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred or Archie, with all its cheeky but lovable working class scamp connotations, unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbot."

I want a sun tan, not Vashti Bunyan
Therefore henceforth:
I’m gonna feed our children non-organic food
I’m gonna feed our children non-organic food
I’m gonna feed our children non-organic food
And with the money saved take ‘em to the zoo