Worst hip-hop similes
'We got food everywhere, as if the party was catered.'
R. Kelly, there's food everywhere. It sounds like the party possibly was catered. Sorry.
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Like pant legs around the ankles of hipsters, I'm tight
Pharoahe Monch in Black Milk's 'Matrix'.
So I'm at the pearly gates like where the bitches at?
see, I get straight to the point like a witch's hat.
(best)
I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
v. ice
Fillin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom
o.k. that one is worse
I cook up the hot shit like Ainsley Harriott
Worked in a kitchen with a load of (Polish) chefs who always used to play this song
whilst, well, cooking up the hot shit.
No-one found it funny/silly, it was a deadly serious soundtrack to their labours.
I can make a wicked noise like a cricket
Rubbing his legs, my rhymes are like eggs
:')
I love who you are, love who you ain't; you're so Anne Frank
Let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks
Why yes Outkast, that does seem like an entirely appropriate thing to say when wooing a young lady.
I'm chasin' bitches like Tom chased Jerry
Running around the house brandishing a frying pan perchance?
worryingly on one occasion
he would have left one of these "bitches" outside in the cold on Christmas to freeze almost to death, before putting her over the fireplace - which, luckily enough, worked; and furthermore, she seemed to have been traumatised to the point that she enjoyed spending Christmas Day with this obvious psychopath.
Indeed
But on more than one occasion the bitches got their revenge by smashing his teeth in with a hammer
sometimes she plays the teeth like piano keys, too
which is good for both of them; as she gets redemption, and he gets a killer hook to sample for his next track
* revenge
its like murder she wrote once i get you out them clothes
HOW?
HOW IS IT LIKE MURDER SHE WROTE?
Clearly
he's shagging an elderly female private detective.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=544607
...
Truly, the end times are approaching
Any girl that steps to it
Ends up gettin' they stomach pumped like Rod Stewart
Had to Google that one, but it seems the Rodster was the original subject of the spunk/stomach pump myth. In my day it was Marc Almond
I'll leave you holdin' ya swollen backside & rollin'
Fillin' all three holes just like bowlin'
Why Mr Kool G Rap, you are somewhat forward.
I do a damn good job
That's why chicks are on my dick like a human shish kebab
I spent a good half an hour remembering this site existed last night
http://www.snacksandshit.com/
i'm a venereal disease
like a menstrual bleed
I'd get that checked out if I were you.
She take a bone like a rib-eye steak at Ruth Chris
what am I talking about, that's fucking brilliant.
Jay-Z's classic line '38 revolves like the sun round the earth'
never fails to produce a face palm.
Big Daddy Kane - Raw
contains enough dodgy similes to merit its own thread.
"I relieve rappers just like Tylenol"
"I do work like a mechanic"
"Make MCs panic, they all get frantic & skeptic
Like a girl on a contraceptive"
However he's forgiven for "So full of action, my name should be a verb"
Sex in my mind, I was sure of it
I wanted to tax that ass like the government
Hurtin' yo ass just like a dentist
That's one very confused dentist
You ain't efficient when you flow, you ain't swift
Movin' like a tortoise, full of rigor mortis
I don't wish to be pedantic NWA, lest you pop a cap in my ass, but if a tortoise was suffering from rigor mortis it would dead, and thus unable to move at all.
But good sire
surely this would be the point which Messrs NWA wish to make?
For 'tis said that there is nothing less swift than a tortoise who has expired.
If I was born a woman, then I would be a lesbian
Okay, we get it Mr Rapper, you don't fancy men. Not coming across as insecure there at all.
...
I'm rockin' PJ's and no shirt, smoke weed eat yoghurt.