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... god, it must suck to get reviews like this:
I popped the link in Kenny Dope's music moaning thread earlier but it definitely deserves a thread of its own.
the cheap and grubby use of that '[thing] raped' turn of phrase.
of a review of the first White Lies album I read and also a Popjustice one for the Eoghan Quigg (I think) album. Excellent unleashing of hatred.
he really knows how to articulate what I'm too stupid to say myself.
Their review of the new Best Coast album was pretty shocking too:
Nonetheless, the seeds laid by Best Coast's genre-leading hubby, Wavves, continue to spread like a pandemic of dip-dye hair and generally half-arsedness, rendering this clan of narcissistic attention seekers completely unavoidable. And now Cosentino's recent affiliation with denim demons, Urban Outfitters, has blessed her and flaccid band bro Bobb Bruno to focus solely on their image over integrity, which, if The Only Place is anything to go by, is both fashionably blasé and effortlessly talentless.
Especially the bit about 'being the musical equivalent of reheated vomit'.
Given the abuse I got over giving Garbage a 5 instead of a 7 (LIKE THAT REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE) I suspect this chap better get a bodyguard.
What that fuck?
Neil Kulkarni was by far my favourite writer. Really vicious review, but I'm glad he's still out there. I'm not into savagery when it's an indie-schmindie band that doesn't do much but still make a lot of people happy... but when it's people who are completely faking their background and life experience and turning it into cash, that's galling.
from 1995 in Melody Maker about the new Ned's Atomic Dustbin album. the original piece was much longer but this gives you the gist
"Cherry red doc wearing stupid Bronx hat and shorts combo sidewinding Carter shirt over PWEI long-sleeve stripey-tights pony-owning drippy horse-faced please hit me Mazola-haired spotty sack-of-subservience girlfriend-having ... put 'Glory Box' on to show how hip you are and with every word of your cretinous jabber make me wanna rip your face off ... do the sailor's hornpipe to The Levellers have a zany 'Quotes Board' in your communal kitchen sneer at townies ruin every pub you set foot in for nine months ... tie chequered shirt round your waist goatee-beard attempting waiting for your balls to drop say pants when annoyed Terry Pratchett reading Vic'n'Bob quoting stupid dense thick crass sottish doltish dumb imbecilic dim idiotic asinine fatuous inane gormless banal snide mindless brainless daft backsliding pig cunt bastard scab insect bitch shiteating monkeyspunk gorging faced arseheaded sweaty ring-pierced fucking SCUM. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Oh, you'll *love* it."