Boards

with the guy not letting go of the girl one tiny little bit, then when someone even slightly nudges them, going skitz and shoving them away into the crowd.

what a bell.

right infront of you swingin it all over the shop and knockin people over without noticing. Although I like backpack boys as between bands you can play spot the backpack boy, it isnt a gig unless there is one thats the rules. They are like Toad from Mario of the indie world.

I saw Los Campesinos! a few weeks ago, and there were two:
1) There were two teenage girls, one of which stayed, unmoving an unsmiling, at the front of the crowd, with a handmade, heart-shaped sign, which she held up at the end of each and every single song. The other of which did about the same thing, but without the sign.

2) After the gig, I went to the merch table to have a word with Gareth (because, why not), and one woman decided to make sure she had his UNDIVIDED attention while she told him how he was essentially the second coming of Jesus and essentially the holy trinity at large, and how she was going to be seeing them at their next show, the next day, in San Francisco (this being in Portland, approximately 500 miles from San Fran).

talking to them midset than actually playing any songs and continuously 'banter' between songs

declaring they're the biggest fan of *insert obscure band name here*, and have driven all the way down from *insert obscure town here* to see them, they're *insert ridiculously connection* with the band, they haven't seen them in *insert length of time here*, and therefore deserve to see them better than you.

What jokers.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

Also: all crowdsurfers. You like jumping off things huh? Go throw yourself off a cliff.

2. Young People.

people that fart in a crowd.
people with dreadlocks or rucksacks.
people that take lots of photos, especially with their mobile phone.
people that don't turn their phone off.
people that take calls on their mobile phone.
people that use their girlfriend to force their way to the front.
people that have taken too much coke and end up pushing and shoving everyone else around in their desire to get to the front.
people that 'whoop' during the really quiet, emotional parts of songs.
people that shout, "STEPHEN!"

If you think you are in the 1% of people who can heckle properly, you aren't. SHUT UP

Also person at Earth gig who talks loudly about Dylan Carlson buying the shotgun that killed Kurt Cobain WHILE THE BAND ARE PLAYING

fuck you and your tall people thing, you cant help how short you are I cant help how tall I am, I shouldnt have to be penalised by having to stand at the back of every gig for the convinience of dwarfs.

especially when the band is pretty quiet anyway. i have started confronting people on this.

then push and shove their way to the front. If you wanted to be there, come early like the rest of us, you don't have a divine right.

Regarding the large people thingy, last night a tall woman stood a bit ahead of me, and in between my row and her row this girl is trying to find a better place. She stops behind the tall woman, looks at her mate, and makes a gesture like "wtf, why is this tall woman in front of me, how can I see?" Ehr, you decided to go and stand behind her while she's been there for ages, why are you complaining?

Some people can be so inconsiderate. I'm not saying I'm the greatest guy on the block, but there are certain codes of decency that really aren't that hard to follow and would make everyone's experience so much more fun.

Back sweat is never good. Even worse when it's someone else's back sweat on your face.

Standing at gigs should be regulated by height, it really should.

Why get so drunk when you go to see Radiohead in June last year that you literally fall forward on your face at the queue for the loo, knocking my beer out of my hand, and make me feel obliged to pick you up and set you on your way...? You paid 40 pounds for that ticket, you twerp. You won't remember a thing...

turn to face their friends and proceed to talk REALLY loudly over the band.
a) Just because you don't like this band doesn't mean nobody else does
b) go and stand at the bar to talk, twats
c) if you're going to stand at the front and talk, at least don't talk so loudly that half the venue knows what tony said to susan on saturday night.

i hate you.

twice in a month last year.

1. sigur ros at the academy, watched the support band had a quality spot till to fucking wankers came over, pilled out their tits. The geezer telling eveyrone how gid is "burd" was, spoke throughout the set till hoppipolla came on and decided to throw beer and scream loud as fuck. i then stood near the bar which is awful to stand at. quality gig ruined by pricks.

2. Idlewild at king tuts, hope is important date. the guy behind had to stand shout anything to try an get their attention, he screamed every fucking lyric and even created the "growly" noises really loud for each song. The guy wasnt even pissed!

moan over

the back packs are fucking terrible. Marmaduke duke at the art school i couldnt get near the bar for wee bastards in checked shirt and back packs. It resembled a gang bang in topman, when i got to the bar one of them was multi sending to about 18 contacts on his phone that he "Just spoke to simons wife, soooooo hot LOLZ XXX" i died a little inside after that.

on your jeans/girlfriend/face

but by the looks of things he nacared his giro that week on pills

but have no genuine respect for music....ACT 1= their friend(s) "woohoo...yeah..amaaaazing", ACT 2=a band similar to their friend's act "What is this shit..it;s just noise...euuurgh..let's make loads of noise at the back and talk about work!"

'Backback boy' was recently upstaged at a Dead Kids gig @ Barfly by 'suitcase girl.'
Epic FAIL.
This novel and unprecedented hazard sent pints flying, people toppling and tempers skyrocketing.
I would love to have unpacked her suitcase. On her head.
www.riphertoshreds.co.uk

Taking 2394732984723 identical pictures with his retina-burning super flash.

with their 300 pound digital cameras. The flashes are incredibly off-putting and must be really distracting for the band too. I also get envious if I see they've taken a particularly good pic.

hipsters in new era caps. i once had a girlfriend who pissed on ones shoes during a get cape set. disgusting but admirable.

http://homepage.mac.com/stevewaller/external/elsewhere/ew_0060.gif

The only people that annoy me are the people that annoy me in normal circumstances which is pretty girls cos they're so distracting

everyone gets wet and you lose your expensive drink. Well done idiots.

Coked up industry types who clearly got in free, got wankered on expenses and now want to ignore, oh, let's say Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan as they play a remarkably quiet set and talk as loudly as humanly possible about other bands and 'prospects' through the entire set.
Just don't go to the show if you don't want to see the band.

More likely to happen at festivals our outdoor gigs now that the smoking ban has come.

The "mooching" stranger who smells that you have just lit up a joint, - "here man, pass it this way".

Fuck. Off.

no we fucking don't

everyone is against me.
its all your fault for being degenerate mongrels. get some better genes. I'll stand at the front for as long as I like.

example a) at Reading last year, these really annoying abercrombie girls with their jack wills wearing boyfriends who decided to talk through Connor Oberst right behind me and after I asked them to be quiet they preceded to keep tapping me on the back for half the set until they got bored and walked off
example b) People that go to a gig because they got in free because a local band is supporting only to leave right before the main act leaving the superior main act to play to a near deserted room. See the Race supporting BLK JKS in Reading the other week as the case in point.

when I stupidly did Ketamin in the mosh pit at a Black Lips gig recently. I am so sorry to anyone around me. I think I may have fallen asleep a couple of times.

Also, being 6foot3 and aware of my obstructional qualities, I've developed a kind of drop legged haunch type thing that drops me down to about 5 foot. It kind of hurts after half an hour but I like to think I make a lot of people happier. You're welcome.

At an Of Montreal show a few years back. Some quite drunk fella pushes his way right in front of me. Absolutely packed gig, I can't move anywhere unless it's back by the bar. I decide to stick it out, drunk guy proceeds to sing along loudly, and spill half his drink on the people around him. Realizing his drink is done, he throws an ice filled, but fortunately plastic cup up at the stage and hits Kevin Barnes square in the forehead. To Kevin's credit he doesn't miss a beat and continues along with the song as if nothing has happened. Cue giant bouncer dude who grabs drunk guy by the shoulders out picks him UP AND OVER the crowd and kicks him out. Awesome...

passing around said hat, to assorted 'friends' who are facing the wrong way and talking loudly through alessi's ark at the jazz cafe. Then pulling out iphone to look up 'emoticons' on wikipedia. a FAIL on all of your houses...

how the fuck can you hear anyone? do you go to folk acoustic things? am i going deaf? quite worried i might be actually

Some absolute tool right at the front trying to barge to the rails, because he's the 'biggest Radiohead fan in the world ever', and generally pissing people off. So, during Idioteque, my band mate and his friends picked him up, carried him over, and shoved him over the railings.

get the fuck to the back!

when people shout for some obscure b-side included only on the first pressing of a bands first 45 or something

that are not at all similar to the band playing.

to turn round and face the crowd for the one song that they know, expecting the crowd to worship them for some reason.

FUCKING DECKCHAIRS.

IN TENTS.

GET TO FUCK YOU COMPLETE BASTARD

that proceed to hop around and flap a bit, impaling your own (sensibly clad) foot. I have literally had holes drilled into my toes through this.

is directed at them personally and shout back alarmingly personal answers.

Er, that might be a bit esoteric, but I've twice been at gigs where it's happened and it's fucking uncomfortable, especially when it's a sober guy on his own loudly informing No Age that Bristol is a horrible place and that they shouldn't be enjoying themselves.

usually in their 30s and bald wearing a henleys tshirt and looking at their mates laughing, saying things like 'what the fuck is this emo music' and instead of dancing just fighting.

Unless you have amnesia, can you please just watch the music and enjoy the show and NOT, y'know, illuminate 5 people in your viscinity every 20 seconds?!

People who talk over the quiet parts of any show.

People who rest on you, particularly using your shoulders as a ledge. I AM NOT A FENCE!

People who give you the "i'm coming through, you want to let me past?" look - which is fine - and then when you step back to let them past obviously think "ah, this spot is just right" and stand there.

Anyone with dreadlocks.

that throw themselves into the pit purely for the jokes, and are constantly looking around at their moron 'friends' with big whopping smiles on their faces in a 'look-at-me-i'm-in-a-mosh-pit-rnt-i-cool-lol!' way.

fuck off

then the dog leaves a turd after scratching behind his ears.

but not loudly enough for the band to hear, so band member says 'what' and the unfunny person repeats their unfunny remark that gets even less funny with the retelling, band still cant hear, happens several times, audience cringes, then band awkwardly announce next song.

People who will push past you, you move to let them past then they stopp occupying your space leaving you balanced on your heals, uncomfortable close to the people behind you

is it cos they're having a good time?

shouting for encores and the like. fuck off

I am one of the most socially awkward beings alive. I shuffle self-consciously, I stand like a hermit just staring at the band because I'm worried about getting in anyone else's way, and I look miserable. I never am, though I must look it.

I'm also only 14 so pretty much anyone else there older than me and not in my company hates me already.

i.e. this thread.

In all seriousness, this superiority thing really gets on my nuts. You make you own fun at gigs. If a band is playing really well concentrate on them.

And as for the tall thing, I am 6"2" and I reserve my right to stand exactly where I want. Even at my height anything behind the second row you generally can't say anything anyway. I do my best to stand still and try to move if people are directly behind me but I'm not going to move for people a long way behind.

people need to not be so fuckin vain or caught up or whatever it is they are. Why did you come out tonight? to poke the rod a little further up your bum?

Went to see Bloc Party in london (shush, my friend likes them, and I liked them when I got the ticket) and the first support act before foals, wet wet paint were subjected to a few "We want Foals chants". Yeah, they weren't very good, but it's no need to be rude. Twats.

Except if George Pringle's playing, then that's okay.

People at smaller gigs who don't stay for all the bands (I have been guilty of this on occasions).

People who are unnecessarily violent in moshpits against others. Feel free to stand up and defend yourself and make sure you don't get knocked over, but don't elbow people in the face FFS.

I'll be the most conscientious tall person ever for art brut on thursday. EVER.

It is quite nice having a berth behind you though. That amuses me.

until they play their "hit", at which point they and their mates rudely push their way to the front and dance like twats for 3 minutes to show their obvious love for the band

2. People, especially at festivals, who lie to get you to move out the way, e.g. "pregnant lady coming through", so they can get closer to the front and block your view at the same time.

3. Australians. Esp the flag wearing/waving, "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie" chanting ones.

1. the one constantly yelling for the song they're not gonna play.
2. over-amped frat boy.
3. "whoo-hoo"-ers.
4. drunk guy waving a gun in the air.
5. just threw that last one in there for kicks.

talk extremely loudly at quiet gigs and then go on to rip the piss out of you for the remainder of the gig after you politely ask if they could continue their conversation in the bar. It never ceases to amaze me how completely inconsiderate gig goers can be. This girls smile was soon wiped off her face when my boyfriend told her what a selfish c*nt she was.

2. people who heckle bands at festivals...if you don't like them go and watch something else but don't spoil it for the people who want to watch.

3. taking constant photos of a band. went to see eugene mcguiness and two girls were taking it in turns to turn around and have their photo taken so it looked like they were standing next to him while he was playing - it was really creepy!

Last gig I really enjoyed was Low last Novemeber, and that was because sarkyfox and LLB got me into the disabled section. Couldn't see the band for shit really but didn't have to be near anyone. Which is probably for the best because I would have murdered the mornic heckler had I been anywhere near him.

I really love the idea of gigs but am finding more and more that when the day of the gig actually comes round, I can't be arsed. Misanthropy is winning through.

who act like Albert Fucking Grossman.

Well done fucko - you can book cabs and order sandwiches.

[slow clap]

so you try to give them a little bit of room so that they can keep going, but then they decide to just stop in front of you instead.

especially if they are much taller than me :(

oh, and the guy in the faux-military jacket at radiohead at meadowbank stadium a few years ago, who pushes into the crowd before radiohead come on, then when we tell him to piss off because we've been there for ages, starts loudly going on to everyone about how we 'must have never been to a gig before'

no, i know what's going to happen when they come on, i just don't want another half an hour pressed up against a nob-end like you

>:(

stadium concerts *bleugh*

people who dont let anyone past, regardless of whether you have been to the bar and are going back to your friends or not

people who do hardcore dancing

people who stand at the front and dont like movement

people too close to their girlfriend, neither of them having fun but refuse to just move back a bit

people who get on stage and try to upstage the band

people who act like a cunt and use the justification 'its a gig'

people who take too many photos- a couple at the most

people who push past you and when you move to let them through, take your spot.

this mainly happens at bigger gigs, i dont go to that many anymore really, but they used to piss me off

1. People who sit down before and in-between acts to save a place. It's pretty fucking annoying tripping over a hippy love circle when it starts getting a bit more crowded. Not only that, but it's fucking pointless as the moment they stand up they're going to lose all the space anyway.

2. The token punk guy who has long chains all over his clothes. I don't care if it's a gig, it fucking hurts.

3. Screeching fangirls.

4. People who talk at Mogwai concerts.

5. Groups of friends who, after they invariably get separated, loudly inform each other of what they're up to. "Oh, I'm just standing over next to this girl! I really need a piss!" etc.

one specific one that bothered me but really shouldn't have because i shouldn't have been snooping, the guy in front of me at the my bloody valentine gig at the roundhouse (from his conversations: ian, who worked at the bbc) was on his blackberry updating his facebook status to "ian is at the my bloody valentine gig, it's bloody BERWILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIANT"

he also smelt like eggs

when I went to see easy star all stars in Birmingham, those huggy kissy types who won't stop sucking each others faces off. Yes we know you're a couple. and that you love each other but can you do that somewhere else in a pub a restaurant the cinema or at home, but not when i'm trying to enjoy my reggae and instead of seeing dreads all I can see is your heads conjoined together.

At indoor gigs esp if its busy and theres a big crowd and then wave it around in the air.

what a strange reaction to music.

that try to make a crowded club their own personal dance floor and elbow everyone around them in the face in the process.

i saw the kills the other night and these drunk chicks that absolutely reeked of beer kept trying to push everyone out of the way to get to the front so they could dance and make out with each other. they weren't even watching the fucking band.

one of the girls tried to start a fight with the tall guys behind me because she couldn't see. they wouldn't budge because they had been there since doors opened. i was proud of them for not moving!

...who don't like it or don't let you push past them to get nearer the front. Why the fuck do you care/mind if I want to get nearer? This happened at Animal Collective where some guy told me to fuck off and duely apologised, mainly cos his girlfriend told him to.

I just remembered going to see Mogwai and Arab Strap a couple of years ago and after their set the support band planted themselves down on the side of the stage with their mates and gf's and proceeded to talk over the main acts while ignoring them until removed by staff. A member of Dawn Of The Replicants did this after supporting Ballboy, sat with his back to the stage and talked over their entire set

here's some footage of hecklers being shown the error of their way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPCO85TSVlA