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All critism/journalism should always come from a purely personal view and say something about the journalists personal experience in relating to the art.

See the early film criticism of Godard, Truffaut etc from Cahiers du Cinema and you'll see some of the best journalism ever.

#3: Focusing on the socio-economic repercussions of a socialist constitution rather then whether Silver Mount Zion's new album is actually good or not

so boring and stock.

steer away from over-pompous reviews that go on about certain events that are a desperate bid on behalf of the reviewer to show how much they know about something. When I'm reviewing, all I want to write about is the music - not the fucking election campaign (unless there is a direct correspondence).

I also really hate reviews that are written like conversations, or plays. Yeah great, you've got an imagination but we all know that people who read internet reviews don't, so why bother?

urgh.

whateverrrr...

"Band 'x' plus band 'y' on drug 'z'"
"If you dono't like this, then you have no soul"
"FACT"
"Putting in lots of full stops. To. Add. Emphasis."
"I am sat here talking to" "tthe man opposite me" (I like first-person articles, but not if they're jammed with cliches)

when they say that a band takes their influences and combines them to form a sound all their own. this is almost never true.

being told that a band is the next big thing or that soon they'll be huge.

i couldn't give a shit about how big they are or will be !

At one time or another I've probably made all these mistakes.

PEACHES GELDOF.

Aside from any unsubstantiated statement - reviews of music that don't actually mention the music (usually because though the reviewer enjoys listening to music, he knows fuck all about the actual mechanics of producing sound) take the cake.

you're talking about music, not anything serious, you pretentious fuck

Inevitably becomes a piece about Tony Blair and New Labour

Is the most fucking annoying and meaningless band-hype sentence beginning ever. It featured in Kerrang magazine a lot in the late 90's. Anyone else hate this?

that people have mentioned :D

just like The Monkees.

Can British journalists please not use this term?
I got quite rightly derided for it when I used it once on this very site.

maybe not so much now, but after funeral I ended up checking out so many bands that were the new 'arcade fire', most of them were crap

maybe not so much now, but after funeral I ended up checking out so many bands that were the new 'arcade fire', most of them were crap

Thought it was apt when it was mentioned a year ago, now appears to be the stock go-to phrase when announcing the much-trumpeted arrival of, er, landfill-girltronica..?

instead of using words such as glacial and referring to windswept tundra lazy journo's now always seem to start reviews of any Icelandic music with something like, "It would be too easy to refer to shifting glaciers and windswept tundra when describing Icelandic bands..."

Wish they could just use their enormous brains to emote the music more imaginatively sometimes.

so fucking pompous. And meaningless.
Loads of the stuff above actually. Most of music journalism to be honest. Totally disagree with the bit about it being all about the journalist or whatever. Fuck that. Why do you think I care about you? See EVERETT TRUE. And did I ever tell you about that time when Kurt gave me that Daniel Johnston t shirt, when we were bezzie mates and everything? He was on stage at a flaming lips gig I went to about ten years ago. Stewart Lee was in the crowd and couldn't stop shouting at him to fuck off. Funny.Bit of a journo-off.

but as a journalist myself (well, kind of), I've been amazed at how many of the broadsheet record reviews are copied almost word-for-word from press releases, which really irritates me. My dad buys The Word, which I read through on occasion, and there's something about their house style which really, really grates with me; it's hard to articulate, but they tend to make these sweeping, portentous, pseudo-objective generalizations about bands which are always just slightly, irritatingly off the mark. Then again, I guess that's what you get when you employ people like David Hepworth...

my band got an awesome review a few weeks ago.

they commented on how great the sax was.

.... but the sax player didnt turn up..

what a load of shit.

:-/

"The Strokes are sat in their tourbus..." Sat? What the fuck is that? The present participle of "to sit" is "sitting" you fuckwits. No one at NME seems to understand simple English grammar.

I'm looking at you, Q

but I get told by the publications I write for not to use it.
Only other faux pas would be my big emphasis on how big a certain band will be. It just personally excites me. I don't really mind if nobody else cares.

but I get told by the publications I write for not to use it.
Only other faux pas would be my big emphasis on how big a certain band will be. It just personally excites me. I don't really mind if nobody else cares.

HELLO PITCHFORK!!!

is to avoid adverbs. "If you need an adverb it probably means you have the wrong verb." So I notice that.

I also notice ending sentences with prepositions. *cough*

Or starting sentences with "That".

I hate when reviewers say things like "song makes me feel like I'm sitting on top of a purple mountain top with God," though I've lapsed into hyperbolic spiritual bullshit myself.

I've learned "dry" is better than "wet" writing. Don't get gushy on me, motherfucker!

Clever is good, but don't get carried away.

Keep the jokes to a minimum. Whenever I'm tempted with the jokes I realize they're a) not very funny and b) taking the piece way off track.

Which is my last pet peeve: Don't ramble; keep focused. I don't want to know about how the reviewer first heard the record walking his dog on the Thames, I don't give a shit how the bass player's second cousin used to be Bo Radleys etc.

that pitchfork do. Yes well done, you wrote a passable bit of prose about that shows how clever you are, unfortunately it tells me next to nothing.

attempts at objectivity
number ratings
referencing other bands that the band in question plainly never listened to
genres

really irriates me, because obviously bands are all about the lead singer whist the band are just a bunch of nameless 'Sleeper Blokes'.

And it annoys me no end when the reviewer makes point of saying that they missed the first band (or three) because of "transport issues", and this seems to happen in a lot of live reviews I see. It's a waste of the limited number of words reviewers get and always makes me think that they got paid for telling me that they missed half the bill.

http://www.notaphoto.com

I mean I don't think any of the music I love is particurlaly critically embraced.I'm suspicious of people with record collections that tick all the OMM/Mojo/Q reader Classic's boxes. I read reviews and stuff, but honestly most new music is driven by the size of a bands PR budget and then theres usually editorial politics to boot. So what you finally read might not actually be what the writer intended anyway.

Was it Frank Zappa who said that talking about music was like fishing about architecture or something. I can't remember, but I dunno, if it moves you and you like it cool.

so lazy.trying to actually describe the music?now thats difficult.

Most can't write, and the ones that can write these awfully pompous lengthy piles of bollocks. I've never read a good music review, on here, Pitchfork, in Plan B, i just have no interest in them. I'd much rather just know the facts and figures, when it's out, what's on it, who it sounds like, a rough score. I'll end up making my own mind up rather than listening to something because some pretentious plank on a website writes something positive about it. Overwriting's worse than writing badly, imo.

http://elevenmagazine.com.au/category/reviews/

which is mostly dedicated to analysing the band's image and/or supposed place in some barely existent "scene" and how that either makes them great or a bunch of cunts, then gives maybe a sentence or two to the music at the end

(and i have to mention one review i read of the futureheads's single "radio heart", which consisted entirely of a discussion of the practicalities of someone actually having a radio for a heart, and didn't cover the single even once. that was kind of impressive)

or tout pointlessly restricted angles along the lines of 'x did this and is shit or a negative influence, y is the antidote and what we should be celebrating'. hard to take you too seriously if i like x then, even though maybe i could like x and y. criticism that tries to impose a musical worldview on others, like it's politics or a game or something, basically sucks. also a lot of journos seem afraid to admit the fact that they're just one guy with a subjective opinion 'cos they think they'll look like a big pussy or something.

Whether the review is for a personal blog (in which case, write it however the hell you want), and whether the review is written by a music journalist, as in, a person who is paid to write about music as a profession. (Also, there's the sub-category of those paid tiny amounts to contribute reviews to mags or blogs or whatever).

I think the moral of the story, though, is reviews are defunct.

"Like getting hit over the head with a bottle, in a good way"

How is that possible you fuck? Get a vocabulary and stop being so sensationalist.

The use of clever words when it really isn't needed - using ennui or ersatz does not make you seem on a higher culturally level!

Also, not getting paid for it, and then reading an awful review of someone who does get paid - see The NME, Kerrang, Rocksound, DiS, Pitchfork, OMM…etc

First person is a big no no in the journalistic world, unless you can really relate it to something specific and have the depth of language to pull it off.

is where I go for music journalism treats. See laest AC record review:

Animal Collective are the Peter Pans of indie-rock. Four avant-garde thirtysomethings from Baltimore, whose stage names betray their regard for childhood, Panda Bear, Avey Tare, Geologist and Deakin have made eight albums of head-spinning, outré pop, the best of which evoke the fleeting highs of prepubescence when life is endowed with endless possibilities...Certainly Merriweather Post Pavilion is both ecstatic and informed by ecstasy.

Fuck off.

Dead people are so great. Since John Peel died I haven't heard his name without that phrase attached.

Reading this thread's reminded me why I stopped writing music reviews. I got so sick of trundling through the same stock phrases, which is hard to avoid in a 100 word review of something unspectacular which you recieved a day before the deadline. Or if you're constantly reviewing the same kind of music.

http://www.cokemachineglow.com/record_review/3542/titus-andronicus-grievances-2008

It made me rage

Not because of the score or anything, it was just

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh

"[Journalist/Publication] talks to [Band] about [X], [Y], and [Z]."

lazy comparisons to radiohead. that fucks me off more than anything i think

alexis paedophile writes.