Dear Mr and Mrs Wombat
I don't know an awful lot about your boys, but I feel compelled to address you about just how terrible their latest musical release 'Kill the director' is. Last night I had the misfortune of being subjected to it on the wireless and my attention was immediately drawn to the brand of mass-market appeal wiry-guitared ramshackle power pop.
At first I was indifferent to it, but as time progressed i found myself despising it more and more, to the point where the song culminated in one of your children repeatedly yelping that 'This is no Birdget Jones' in a most unpleasant variation of the Scouse dialect for what felt like an eternity. It may be that this song is merely an aberration on their part, and they are in fact wonderfully talented boy, but on the basis of those 3 1/2 minutes, I feel it my duty to request that you take away their instruments and recording contract and instead send them down a much more sensible and less offensive career path, such as business management.
Thaddeus T. Deltasound