for husker du:
Land Speed Record -
Rating = 7
I'm all for recording "on the cheap" - after all, birds do it all the time! HA HAHAH!!!! (cheep) But did anybody actually LISTEN to this wash of static noise before sending the album out to record stores?! It sounds like it was recorded up a Jap's ass with Rudy Vallee's pompadour mic! (copyright Reader's Digest April 1941). The debut Husker Du LP was recorded live in front of an audience of young people who really just wanted to hear Warehouse: Songs And Stories in its entirety, but unfortunately none of the songs had been written yet, so guitarist/vocalist Andy Partridge had to keep shouting back at them, "Hay, assholes. We're not Husker Du."
Let's try again, but with a THIRD shot of whiskey. One second.
Dear Christ, whiskey is some foul-tasting ammonia. One time in 'Nam (the National Association of Manufacturers), I was licking this transvestite's ass and it tasted almost exactly like this, except more like poop and a guy's balls. My word. When I drink, my inner thoughts come out. It's almost like I'm one of the guys on http://www.stellacomedy.com/video.php (watch "Searching For Santa" for a perfect indication of exactly what would happen if somebody gave me a video camera and some friends). But this shouldn't be about ME, people!! This is Husker Du's VERY FIRST ALBUM! And you're RUINING it by making me drink a fourth shot of Jack Daniel! One sec while I acquiesce to your demand.
Oh my sweet fucking Jesus. That is the worst tasting SHIT IN THE UNIVERSE. And believe me, I've tasted human shit. You know, the funny thing is -- I've actually never eaten human shit nor have I licked anybody's ass - it's really just all drunken grotesquery. I don't find anything charming about fecal matter, including my own. Godd was a dumb asshole when he made up the "shit" part of life. I'm not denying it feels good to pass something, but it smells SO BAD. And looks SO BROWN. You've been there! Hell, the prettiest girl in the world, that businessman down the street - they've ALL been there! Even guys who last a long time in the sack - hey, how long do you last in the sack? You don't know!? Dude, when I'm...when I'm doin' one, I got one eye on the bitch and one eye on the clock! Specaking of "clock," my wife is blasting Ned's Atomic Dustbin and dancing around tipsily to that song "Throwing Things." That's a good CD, by the way! God Fodder. Everything they did afterward was a CD case filled with ticks and maggots though, so don't buy any of them or you'll infest your house with ticks, maggots and boring music. This is my review of Husker Du's first album.
17 songs in 26 minutes. Recorded live with a GODAWFUL mix. It's VERY hard to listen to all the way through, and you're talking to a guy who sleeps on a pillow made out of Dustbusters and airplane engines! It's fast and energetic, but it's very hard to actually hear the riffs. Thank God you can hear the bass notes, because the guitar sounds like it's pumping out of an amplifier the size of everybody in the world but me's penis. Seriously - the goddamned guitar just sounds like a trebly, tuneless vacuum cleaner -- yet it DOESN'T CLEAN YOUR CARPET. Like what the fuck's the point? Am I supposed to EAT all that sperm and ambiotic fluid? Thanks for nothing, Bob Mould the asshole plays the guitar and vocals. Greg Norton the prick plays bass and vocals. Grant Hart my best friend plays drums and vocals. CHRIST! Didn't I go over this in the introductory paragraph of Love? I hope so. Hey! It's snowing here in NYC today! Welcome to my Cocaine!
The drums on here sound like one cymbal and an irregular heartbeat. And three different grown men yell lyrics tunelessly. It sounds like a fick-fack-fork-fook-fack-fecking bootleg! Ironically (yet not at all ironically), I have a "boot" on my "leg" right now, "Alanis Morissette"! I'ts SNOWING! Hang on - time for a fifth shot -- and by the way, thanks for the hangover you're giving me, you demanding murderous reader monster trucks.
Okay, thanks for that. Now I'm listening to the song that goes "That don't rub with me/I know better." This really is a great album. God Fodder, I mean. If you like power pop, you can't do a whole lot better. As for Band Peed Naked by Jusker Du, it's good. It's HARDCORE PUNK. Okay? HIGH-SPEED HARDCORE PUNK. Recorded live and so poorly that the songs all run together and sound identical until you've heard it hundreds of times. At that point, you will realize what a GREAT selection of chord-oriented riffs it contains. These are GREAT and ridiculously fast hardcore riffs. And the moods vary! Sick! Basic but fun! Bouncy! Angry! Happy! Complicated! Weird! And the drummer is extremely talented, accenting melodic changes that most drummers would completely ignore, giving the band a weird, herky-jerky, painfully fast and rigid feel. Actually, I'm not sure if that description applies to this album because I'm too druckin' Funk to separate my thoughts from my wife crinkling something and my Dog coming down the spiral staircase. NOTE TO YOUTH: DRINK ALCOHOL AT COLLEGE PARTIES. I NEVER DID, AND I NEVER HAD SECTS.
These songs are great sweaty angry fun awesome smart fast hardcore anthems about "guns at my school" and "gilligan's island" and a "strange week" and what it's like to be "tired of doing things," but the overall kickass quotient is DESTROYED by the hideous recording. I hope there are people who like this miserable powerless mix because I sure don't. These are great songs (and some generic ones, but who cares?) recorded SO GODDDDDDAMNED POORLY that I don't love them as much as they deserve to be loved. Why on earth would a band LAUNCH themselves to the world with a live recording? And why on Earth is the song "When You Find Out" by Ned's Atomic Dustbin so fucking great? See, I'll never review Ned's Atomic Dustbin because they SUCKED after this album. But MAN! What a great album! As for Husker Du, they were one of the earliest hardcore bands, but God this album would have beeen SO MUCH BETTER had they recorded it in a studio and not forced me to drink five shots of whiskey before reviewing it. The songs deserve an 8, but the production renders them a 7. Gotta go to Pizza Uno. I love you. Please don't get angry at me for writing a shitty review while drunk. Some people take this music review stuff too seriously. I hope people read my stuff, because some (NOT ALL) of it is fun to read. And I hope I describe the music well. But music is FUN. Life can be hard, but music isn't important. It's art. It's way low (or do I mean high?) on Maslow's Pyramid? People who take it SERIOUSLY have too much free time and have no idea what true suffering is. I don't either, but at least I understand that music is just entertainment and not something to live for. Loser Bruce Springsteen fan FUCKS. REAL LIFE involves being born, being treated poorly, hopefully finding one friend and DYING. That's exactly where I am in life. That's exactly what life is. MUSIC IS JUST ENTERTAINMENT. DO NOT TAKE IT AS ANYTHING ELSE. IF YOU RELY ON IT TO LIVE, YOU ARE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED AND DIE. Plus, it only covers one of five senses. Also, religious people who think they're feeling God are just experienciendicnienggeincigccicignienign icg brain things. I'm right, and that's why I'm going to Hell. "Is that clear?" It's time for Pizza Uno. Man, that Jack Daniel sure knew a spirit when he invented his whiskey! I love you. Please tell people to stop being serial killers. That's so awful, people killing other people. And rapists being cruel. WHY? Drugs and selfishness. SELFISHNESS. Misunderstanding the motives of another. Rapists ---- WHY!!??!?!? WHY!?!??!? Killers - even worse. KILL THEM. If one person kills one people, kill that person. WAR?!?! An excuse to kill. I edited the latest YRB. Thanks!
Did I even mention the album? The songs are great hardcore, but it's recorded live and crappy, so it's hard to listen to. It's hard to tell what's going on, especially in "Bricklayer." Sheesh!