Sorry Vic Twenty. This is nothing personal. But enough is enough.

The crime is aiding and abetting uninspired twee corporate indie: fey, terminally twinkling and incredibly infuriating. Loved by six skinny foppish dangly haired cocksniffers the world over, surely it’s some kind of Freudian admission of their repressed homosexuality?

The legacy of Belle & Sebastian is an unwelcome one (although B&S are exempt from such scorn thanks to unrivalled lyrical wonkyness) and if one more bunch of wank-sodden grammar school kids attempts this kinda shit, then ‘kooky’ buttons on all keyboards will have to be removed by law.

Actually, this is_ personal. The first track of this debut single is called _‘txt msg’. ‘txt msg’?!? Frighteningly post-modern. Thought you might score a quirky number-37-in-the-charts spring success with your knowing irony, did you?

Vic Twenty are sitting begging for your approval, so the best course of action would be a kick square to the face. All told, about as welcome as a nervous breakdown.