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Westlife

What makes a man

Label: RCA Release Date: 18/12/2000

jkimmitt by James Kimmitt December 18th, 2000

What, indeed ? Bunch of fucking shoegazers. Why don't some people just break out of their indie-guitar ghetto ?

It is not the manufactured nature of Westlife that makes my blood boil and it's not even the buttock-clenchingly piss-poor nature of their music. Whenever I see Westlife on TV, I don't think "Ohmigod !! They're not even playing THEIR OWN INSTRUMENTS !!!!! ."

No. I think :"Sorry , what are they called again."

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO POPSTARS ?!?!?!?!

As has been stated on this site earlier, Take That were a PROPER boyband.

Ok, so their songs weren't exactly life-changingly stupendous (though, have you heard Gene's cover of 'Back for Good'. Lurvely), but everyone knew all their names and they were proper POP-STARS !!!

Westlife are so faceless that it's impossible to bring oneself to pay any attention to their inter-band bitching and pathetic self-mythologising.

The feud between Liam Gallagher and Robbie Williams was one of the best musical moments of the year. King Adora versus Dum Dums. Fred Durst versus Corey Taylor. Damon Albarn versus everyone. Even Alan McGee versus Coldplay was funny inspite of its complete hypocrisy (Alan McGee once signed Teenage Fanclub, and has just signed January and Cosmic Rough Riders. Hmmmmm)

Whenever Westlife resort to such methods all I think is :" Sorry, what did you say your name was again ?"

It's not even pop music. Pop music is supposed to be about catchy tunes but this is about as singalong as Godspeed you black emperor(also see: every R&B record released in the past 5 years)

They are wholly inadequate for the job of chart-topping group. I want style, and thus I recommend Westlife for extermination or permanent sectioning from society.

In fact, this review is written just after the announcement that the mighty working-class icon Bob the Builder has beaten the downtrodden Westlife in the race for Christmas Number One.

WAHEY !!!! A victory for the proletariat. A victory for music !

SIMON FULLER, RONAN KEATING, RICHIE NEVILLE, GEORGE MICHEAL, LEE STEP , JOSH DOYLE , GARY BARLOW , PETE WATERMAN ...............

YOUR BOYS TOOK ONE HELL OF A BEATING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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