Lily Allen has been reunited with her English Bull Terrier Margaret 'Maggie' May, but only after being forced to pay dog-nappers a £500 ransom. It's true, look!
The dog was snatched on the December 28th, perhaps bundled into a big sack of some kind, and then held until Lily posted a blog on her Myspace a couple of days ago celebrating the AWOL hound's return.
But despite stating then that "I now know there is definitely some sense of community and goodwill left in this country," it appears that her faith in the people of blighty has been knocked back into seedy reality.
Someone got in touch anonymously with Allen on the 3rd, claiming that the dog had been bought for his sister for Christmas. The logic of this statement was subsequently tested, however, when they demanded £500 for Maggie's safe return.
A couple of Lily's mates went to collect the pooch, and suspicion raised further after they were offered more dogs.
"I feel guilty for having given them the money and contributing to their cruel business but I love my dog and I felt I had no choice," Lily said.
"The fact that she was very thin makes me think she was mistreated - not fed - and the fact she was infested with fleas implies she was kept with other animals... This is now a matter for the RSPCA and the police."
In other news, Mike Diver announced yesterday that it was his plan to meet and eventually befriend Miss Allen in order to fulfil one of his New Year's resolutions. Suspicious?
Police are refusing to rule Mr Diver out of the equation just yet, though now the conch of suspicion has landed with Buddyhead. Police fear the collective may have attempted to feed the dog to a cobra.